proudly resents ...

 

The Week in Loserdom:

We're talking baseball, and Malthus. We're, like, just, so articulate. Speaking of articulate, we have here this here interview thingy with Web Mistress Sandra Hull. Among her musings you'll find: "(M)e a masochist. I...bought Billy Ray Cyrus's #1 record...and...I...French... Ph.D.s... I like...the ones where...I... have to GET OFF...!!!"

Results of Week LXVII (Life, Don't Talk to Me About Life) ^*

Summary:

Long entries make for little ink. In this case the really long winning entry, and the long new contest, and the long comment about the the GWTW entry of last week combined to really limit the ink. There were just 15 regular entires printed.

F2.1 (Thus Spake the Czar):
The only notable news about this next week is the emergence of someone named "Alexandra Schexnayder." So let me take up time and space with an observation. If you guys want to feel better about your plight, consider how much worse it could be. During the 9 weeks I was a common contestant, I was not actually a common contestant. I was a common contestant with one superpower you guys do not have. I had the ability to tap into the Washington Post database and watch, day after day, as the Aux chose her first round of winners, then narrowed it daily to fit the final contest space. I could follow the progress of her editing.

For 8 of the 9 weeks I had at least one entry selected for publication. Week after week I watched as my entry was pared in the final editing. Often it was the last one to go.

You want hell? THAT is hell.

The Siberian Express:

Even an HM puts you in good company this week, but the Czar got the judging right. No train this week.

Score Losers:

Hart's imitation of the Duracell Bunny finally ends (her sreak dies at 9 in a row). Jean Sorensen's five points put her over 50 for the restoration. She becomes just the tenth Loser with 50+ TRPs. Beland becomes the first Loser with a second "Next Week" credit. Pierce makes a comeback after suffering through the AuxCzar period.

Week LXXI (Go Cartoon Yourself):

The Weak Week Prediction:

Cartoon captioning with a twist. Most of us know which Losers do well with these, they'll do well again.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW):

Use your one original caption with some restraint. The contest is clearly aimed at working with the list given. Try to make the punchline one of the printed captions.

Russ to Judgment

On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXVII gets a:

This one is a lot of work and he won't have room to print many. All in all, not a promising opportunity.

How Cool the Drool

On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's farm pamphlet gets a:

It scores for oddness, not display value.

Czar of the Style Invitational, Just Another Loser:

This week we share three more weeks of the Czar's entries.

WEEK LIX (caption a panel of a comic strip)

(1) from panel in Peanuts containing the strip date:

Lucy: "I'm tired of seeing that stupid little number up in the sky. What could it mean, anyway? It's only 1986!"

Linus: "Brace yourself, Lucy. We're dead. "

(2) That's Life - the only panel:

"There'll be a slight delay with your chef's special. The chef put up a

hell of a fight, but he's ready for the crock pot now. "

(3) Fourth panel in Judge Parker:

Woman: I love a man who can talk without opening his mouth.

Man: So . . . so it doesn't matter that I have blue hair?

or,

Third panel in Judge Parker:

Hey! We can talk without opening our mouths!

Maybe we should become ventriloquists!

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Week LX (Turn a Post story into poetry)

(1)This is summarizing the "at work" column on page L-1: "Women are Still Scarce in Top Media, Telecom Jobs...."

If you're a gal in the media game

Your workplace future is gold

You can achieve both fortune and fame

Just make sure that you never get old.

You'll do fine if you're perky and have a nice rear

With Meg Ryan-ish hair you can toss.

They'll love you in front of the camera, dear

Just don't ever try to be boss.

(2) Summarizing story about soft money being easy to donate:

Bribery is just like sex,

The pol, he primly coughed

You can't be charged with rape, he smiled,

If all the cash stays soft. .

(3) Summarizing story about how Bush is now sounding negative themes:

Our country has been Doubleyoued!

It makes me want to cuss.

He was upbeat till trouble brewed

And now he's Gloomy Gus.

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Week LXI (a bad blurb for a movie or book)

(1) "The Sixth Sense" has the greatest surprise ending in modern film history, when you realize that Bruce Willis is actually dead!

(2) Nightmare on Sesame Street -- Will keep your toddler in suspense through the night!

(3) "Bill" - This intelligent history of the trials and triumphs of the Clinton presidency concentrates on policy and does not cheapen itself with references to Clinton's personal life.

(4) The Passions of Heinrich Himmler - A movie that speaks to all of us who know in our hearts it's time to forgive the Nazis.

Gratuitous Commentary: It appears the Czar didn't take to the comic strip contest, just three entries and no clear standout. In his fourth week entering, however, the Czar scored the win with a heavily edited version of entry number one. He followed that with his best week of the nine, including his second win (forgiving Hitler) and two HMs. His fourth entry that week could have scored too.

Next week: A Czar's eye view of hell and don't let your Czar grow up to name racehorses.

Read more Weak Weeks

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