(Originally published in the Dueling Losers Band Songboook)
Mr. Czarman's Gonna Get You
(To the tune of Instant Karma by John Lennon)
Lyrics by Dave Zarrow
Mr. Czarman's gonna get you, He won't print you in the Post,
This week's contest ain't for you, babe, All your entries will be toast,
What made you think that you were funny,
Good thing you don't do this for money,
One thing you shouldn't misconstrue,
The joke's one you, yeahhhhhhhh you,
Mr. Czarman's gonna get you, He won't even read your fax,
Better get some funny lessons, Find out what your humor lacks,
They say that beggars can't be choosers,
But if you wanna join the Losers,
You'd better come up with some ink,
But the Czarman says all your entries stink,
Well, we all send in stuff,
But sometimes, it just ain't good enough,
No, we all can't win,
But it's been so long, since you've been in!
You could come up with a contest, Maybe send some kind of prize,
But your entries ain't no laughfest, Czarman swats 'em down like flies,
Whoever told you you were funny,
Good thing you don't do this for money,
Hear what The Czar is telling you,
Get out of here, you're through,
Well, we all send in stuff,
But sometimes, it just ain't good enough,
No, we all can't win,
But it's been so long since you've been in!
Uhhhh-huhhhh, oh yeahhh,
Uhhh-huhhhhhh, alllll right,
It's the truth, baby,
He'll kick your sorry ass out,
Mr. Czarman's gonna get you,
Mr. Czarman's gonna get you,
Mr. Czarman's gonna get you,
(Instrumental ending)