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Leif Picoult
(To the tune of Bob Dylan's Tangled Up in Blue)
Lyrics by Duncan Stevens
There's been all sorts of jokers across the years we've seen here in the 'Vite,
Some of 'em go for the lewd, and some have a wit that'll really bite.
They've bred their foals and backwards-asked, and sometimes messed with heads,
They're harmless enough, you'll mostly find, 'least when they're on their meds.
But it's an extra-Losery guy that ruled in Year 32,
First inked in 2020; Lord knows he's overdue to break through,
Yeah, that's Leif Picoult.
Might not expect such a funny dude would be workin' at Deloitte,
But he balances books as he drops bon mots that are topical and adroit.
Weekly wry observations, seldom he's failed to amuse,
Dad jokes, tailgaters, captions, forecasting next year's news.
With fictoids and clickbait headlines, his 'Vite notoriety grew,
His Loser star was rising, what else could this guy do? He knew!
That's our Leif Picoult.
Then from '24 into '25, his star, it reached new heights;
In the Substack Invitational, he was one of the leading lights.
Poems, songs and word chains, he went on a Losing spree:
Blotted up ink by the barrel, and he totaled 63.
All of these efforts signify, you can fairly construe,
He earned some recognition--we owed him a laurel or two, it's true,
Crowning Leif Picoult.
So we're gathered together and tipping our hats to this comic extraordinaire,
Whose gift for humor of dubious taste, you'll find, is distinctly rare.
His gift for mocking that orange dude is a much-needed fountain of cheer,
And he joins the ranks of Invite legends as Loser of the Year.
Of ludicrous misconduct there'll be a plentiful slew
For the next four years--we hope that he's on hand to see us through that zoo.
We'll need Leif Picoult.
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