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Jolly Old Czar
(To the tune of Jolly Old St. Nicholas)
Concept by Greg Arnold / Execution by Dave Zarrow / Additional lyrics
by Greg Arnold and Jennifer Hart
Jolly Old Czar, read this list, send us stuff today,
These are not some contest prizes, just free giveaways.
Christma-Chanu-Kwanza-time, this plea ain't no bunk,
There's no reason, there's no rhyme, just send us all this junk.
Elden wants a law degree, less work and more pay,
Better stats, the right to sue and 6 hours more each day,
Chuck wants his own comic strip, he'll do jokes not art,
And someday on Homocide an actual speaking part.
Genser wants a Loser vest and at the rate he's going,
Sandra Hull I think it's time you commenced to sewing,
Dudzik, former Earboy, well, lately he's been tanking,
Anyway I think he'd probably settle for a spanking.
Helene Haduch loves Loserfest, it's her joy and pride,
Next year for a change of pace, she'll give me a ride,
Sarah "Spielberg" Worcester, our moviemaking queen,
Gimme Gatorado, the Director's Cut, still with the nude scene.
Witte gets some Pentothal, then we'll know his tale,
Is he from the CIA? Was he once in jail?
Connaghan moves everywhere, Belvoir to Glen Burnie,
Now he can't remember where he left his Sing 'N Snore Ernie.
Cuddihy would like a ride, no he wouldn't mind it,
Jan Verrey'd take him anywhere, if she could only find it.
Mary Olsons there are two, a Senior and a Junior,
Wish I had a good rhyme right here, that would sure be funnier.
Romm and Kondis, they're the twins, from the D O E,
Just give them your Pepco bills, get your 'lectric free,
Kitty sure liked Barry Talsky, and his hairy head,
He could use a new toupee, Oops, too late, he's dead.
Kammer wants another year, as Depravda Editor,
Send your written stuff to him, the sooner would be beditor,
Knanishu's our new reporter from the wild Midwest,
Every time I see his name, I think vision test.
Then there's David Ferry and Meribeth his wife,
They got their first Christmas card, it's a wonderful life,
Jennifer Hart just sits there calmly, quiet as a mouse
She's glad this year's Christmas bash isn't at her house.
Anybody, that we missed, next time RSVeep,
Good thing that ________ isn't here, I think he's a creep.
Maja Keech our hostess surely wishes we'd now go,
But first Greg, it's your time to sing. Are you ready?
NO!
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