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Jennifer Hart Gets Ink
(To the tune of Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel)
Lyrics by Greg Arnold
Performed at the Flushies, April 1, 2001
Come on, Eugene, get the facts straight
The winner last week wasn't really that great
There's only one rule and there is no debate
Even when her jokes stink . . . Jennifer Hart gets ink.
Come on, Eugene, we're on to your plan
You cut her some slack 'cause she's your biggest fan
I'll rationalize it anyway that I can
What else can I think . . . when . . . Jennifer Hart gets ink.
She's got an attic full of bumper stickers, loser pens, and fabulous prizes
But does she really need that stuff? - I think by now she's got enough.
She's got boxes stuffed with loser T-shirts in assorted colors and sizes,
But if she cared for me . . . She'd give me two or three.
oh, oh, oh, oh
Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet
Since I got fired more entries you'll get
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet
My paycheck continues to shrink . . still. .Jennifer Hart gets ink.
I email my entries to the Washington Post by the deadline
I follow all of your stupid rules - I even use Roman Numerals
But whose name is missing every week on F2 you can bet mine
I never seem to appear, hell . . . I never even got an ear.
oh, oh, oh, oh
Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet
Since I got fired more entries you'll get
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet
My paycheck continues to shrink . . still. .Jennifer Hart gets ink.
[repeat numerous times]
Cheer up, Eugene, here's a sure bet
Since I got fired more entries you'll get
It seems that my boss didn't like Losernet
It's driving me to drink -
I'm teetering on the brink -
My fortunes continue to sink -
Bob Levey is such a dink -
John Kammer's the missing link -
Jerry Falwall hates Tinky-Wink -
My fingers are getting a kink . . . still. . .
Jennifer Hart gets ink.
[repeat numerous times]
INSTRUMENTAL KAZOO-LADEN JAM AND FADE OUT/END/WHATEVER
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