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Got Ink Twice, It's Alright
(To the tune of Bob Dylan's Don't Think Twice, It's Alright)
lyrics by Elden Carnahan
Performed by the Dueling Losers Band at the Year 6 Flushie Awards, April 11, 1999
It ain't no use to sit and speculate, guys,
If you don't know by now.
But if you'll simmer down I'll relate, guys,
The wherefores and the hows.
When the gavel bangs about half-past nine,
And the sheriff sells what I thought was mine,
I'll be lucky I ain't doin' time.
Got ink twice, it's all right.
There ain't no use in turning on' the lights, guys,
My PEPCO bill's mislaid.
And while I tried to get the haikus right, guys,
Somehow the mortgage wasn't paid.
Well, I guess if I'd gone in to work every day,
My boss might have said that I might have stayed
(I wasn't gonna get promoted anyway).
Got ink twice, it's all right
You'd better not go sendin' me no e-mail,
Like you always did before,
'Cause AOL gets deadbeats thrown in jail, gal.
You can't spam me anymore.
I'm a-thinkin' about crapseys as I head for the hills,
How I love to write gags about Viagra pills,
Used baboon hearts, and those baby-seal kills.
Got ink twice, it's all right
(Instrumental verse.)
Now I got my hikin' boots all laced up, guys,
Think I'll strike out for the coast.
Don't care just where I wind up, guys,
Long as there's a Sunday Post.
Now I ain't sayin' F2's done me unkind,
I re-wrote "Titanic" until I went blind,
(Though "Jeopardy" was a waste of my time).
Got ink twice, that's all right.
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