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Czarman'll Print Your Name in the Post
(To the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town -- the Springsteen version)
(Performed at the December 1996 Holiday Brunch)
lyrics by Dave Zarrow
(Heartfelt intro followed by soulful sax play and then rockin' into first verse...)
You better make jokes, you better make gags,
Or your old Loser shirts'll be lookin' like rags,
Unless the Czarman prints your name in the Post.
He's readin' your entries, he skims 'em all fast,
You'd settle for a mention, or even And Last,
You hope the Czarman prints your name in the Post.
You send them in by e-mail, you send them in by fax,
And if you win the gopher drool, you've got to claim it on your income tax.
You better have wit, you better have humor,
No subject is sacred, not even a tumor,
An' the Czarman'll print your name in the Post.
He prints 'em if they're funny, he shreds 'em if they're not,
And if yours is the best that week, you might win some plas-tic snot.
You might be a loser, a nerd or a geek,
But if you write something real funny that week,
The Czar'll print your name in the Post,
Czar'll print your name in the Post,
Czarman print your name in the.....(bells resume)
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYLOSER!
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