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Cut Off the Funds to Maine
(To the tune of Judy Garland's If I Only Had a Brain)
Lyrics by Duncan Stevens
You must cater to the bigots, or we’ll turn off the spigots;
We’re doling out the pain.
If you don’t go on a bender, ban the folks we call transgender,
We’ll cut off the funds to Maine.
If you want those federal dollars to help your native scholars,
Then stay, pal, in your lane,
Former men in women’s swimming mean your hopes for bucks are dimming;
We’ll cut off the funds to Maine.
We’ll slash your schooling cash! So kick them out of sports;
It’s your duty now to look inside their shorts —
You say you’ll see us in the courts?
Your activities aerobic — go make ’em more transphobic!
We’re here to yank your chain,
So commence discrimination or we’ll screw your education,
Yes, we’ll cut the funds for Maine.
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