The Invitational Week 179: Put It in Bee-Verse
Our contest for poems using obscure Spelling Bee words. Plus ‘Sleazy Todd’ and other winning parodies.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
Jun 04, 2026


All the way from New Zealand, Bowie superfan Andy Bassett channels “Starman” on a decidedly less glam orange-headed icon. See more winning videos and lyrics below in today’s Invitational results.
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Hello. Come sit and join us for a spell. That’ll be this year’s spelling bee poetry contest, using words from the just-concluded Scripps National Spelling Bee. But first, the results of our contest from two weeks ago.

Song Sung News: The parodies of Week 177
As always in our song lyric contests, we were flooded in Invitational Week 177 with inkworthy parodies about current events, both videos and just-the-words, and even an original song or two. This past Tuesday the Trump Personal Law Firm Justice Department announced that that $1.776 billion slush fund for January 6 rioters was being 86’d after all — which was happy news to every Gene Pool reader except those who’d sent us songs like the Beach Boys parody “Funds Funds Funds.”

Over the next few days, we’ll share some of the best non-inking parodies in the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook. We’ll surely be singing some of this week’s entries on Saturday afternoon, June 27, at the Flushies, the annual awards potluck/singalong. If you love the Invite, you’re invited (it’s our name!). Sign up here.

To hear the tunes of the original songs, click on the links in the titles below.

Third runner-up:
Two Hundred Fifty Dollar Bills
(To "The Cover of the Rolling Stone" by Shel Silverstein)
Got a big name rapper and a golden crapper
And I'm loved wherever I go.
My wife's quite a beauty, and I post all my Truths;
Where I get the time I don't know.
I've got two loyal sons to run all of my cons,
But what would top all these thrills
Is the thrill that'll getcha when you get your picture
On two hundred fifty dollar bills!
[Chorus:]
(Dollar bills) Wanna see "In Don We Trust" the motto
(Bills) Gonna need one just to fill your auto
(Bills) Wanna see my scowlin' face
On two hundred fifty dollar bills!
[Verse:]
I got a lot of little mindless MAGA groupies
Who buy anything I say.
I got an Indian FBI chief
Who'll put all of my foes away.
I fired all the feds who hassled my friends
And I'm giving all the networks chills.
And I keep gettin' richer, so I must have my picture
On two hundred fifty dollar bills!
[Chorus]
(Michael Stein, Arlington, Va., written and performed)

Second runner-up:
(To “Sunrise, Sunset”)
Is this the little war I started?
Somehow it isn’t going great.
Give me a minute while I try to get … this … strait.
Is it uranium or oil?
Are we at war for God or man?
Hey! let me tell you ’bout my ball … room … plan!

War’s on, war’s off, war’s on, war’s off.
Swiftly flow the tweets.
Whose trades anticipate the markets?
Maybe they’re Rubio’s or Pete’s.
War’s on, war’s off, war’s on, war’s off.
Swiftly fly the memes.
What is it keeping off the headlines?
Is this incompetence or schemes?

Pete said, “The populace will hail ya,
Give you a liberator’s cheer.”
It went so well in Venezuel-ya, why not here?
We thought we’d start a revolution,
Make them our buddies with a bomb...
Just like Afghanistan and Vietnam…
[Chorus, fadeout on mournful violin solo]
(David Smith, Pleasanton, Calif.)

First runner-up:
Annual Survey Finds That a Large Fraction of Americans Don’t Wash Their Hands in the Bathroom
Wash Your Hands
(To “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga and RedOne)
Ra ra ra-ta-ta
L’acqua, oo-la-la
Scrub, scrub, scrub-a-dub
Go wash your hands now


If you don’t wanna get sick or diseased,
Listen baby, I’m beggin’ you please,
You’ve gotta scrub
Scrub, scrub scrub
You’ve gotta scrub


Just 30 seconds, that’s all that it takes
The length of two “Happy Birthdays”
You’ve gotta scrub
Scrub, scrub scrub
You’ve gotta scrub


You know that you want to, and you know that you need to,
It’s not so bad, not so bad to wash your hands


Turn on the water, just lather and rinse
You and me, we’ve gotta wash our hands
Oh-oh-oh
Turn on the water, just lather and rinse
You and me, we’ve gotta wash our hands
Oh-oh-oh
(Chorus repeats)
(Ali Ruth, Silver Spring, Md.)
(^ Written and performed by Ali Ruth, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender — and a public health scientist)

And the winner of the googly-eye eye mask:
Sleazy Todd Blanche
(To “The Ballad of Sweeney Todd”)
Attend the tale of Sleazy Todd:
His heart was cold and his oath a fraud.
He took the cases of evil men
Who richly deserved to be sent to the pen.
He trod a path that few have trod,
Did Sleazy Todd,
The schemin’ lawyer off C Street.

]Bring your charges false, Sleazy! Work for every con,
Terrorize the lives of those who anger Don.

]Attend the tale of Sleazy Todd.
He serves an orange and vengeful god.
What happens next, well, I can’t say,
But I surely hope that one day he will pay,
Will Sleazy, will Sleazy Todd,
The schemin’ lawyer off C Street!”
(Michael Stein)

Rhythm & Boos: Honorable mentions
Trump Derangement Syndrome
(To “Be Our Guest,” The Invitational’s most often parodied song)

TDS, TDS, what’s it mean? Well, you can guess.
It’s what MAGA people say when you bring up Trump’s latest mess.
Starts a war, rakes in cash, up at midnight talking trash.
And corruption’s at its highest. “Trump derangement’s got you biased!”
Call him out to his base, and they’ll throw this in your face,
‘Cause the issues and the facts they can’t address.
And yet this vile regime just makes me want to scream,
So I confess, I possess TDS!
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore, Md.)
(^ Written and performed by Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore, in his first BOG parody ever)

Virginia Supreme Court Overrides Voters’ Choice to Redraw Voting Districts
(To “Sit Down, You’re Rocking the Boat” from “Guys and Dolls”)
I dreamed I voted in a referendum
That would decide how the district lines are drawn,
Our Congress reps, and how folks would get to send ’em —
Ah, but suddenly all that was gone:

The Virginia Court said “Sit down, sit down, we’re blocking your vote!
That decision we’re striking down! Sit down, we’re blocking your vote.
We don’t care if a fair election is a prospect increasingly remote,
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, we’re blocking your vote.”

I watched the schemes hatched in Florida and Texas,
Adopting maps to entrench the GOP,
And smack democracy in the solar plexus —
Thought we’d balance that, to a degree,

But the justices said, “Sit down, sit down, we’re blocking your vote,
The red states can go to town, but sit down, we’re blocking your vote.
A majority chose this option? That is something of which we take no note.
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, we’re blocking your vote.”
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

The Washington Wizards’ Historically Bad Season
(To “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan)
My team is in the NBA;
They call themselves the Wizards, but that’s not the way they play.
Defense? Like pylons on the court!
And every single shot clangs off the rim or falls way short.
From my arena seat, I watched the dismal scene,
No heart and no compete — they won just seventeen!
They said, “Be patient, please, while we rebuild the team,”
While playing on their knees — it makes me wanna scream,
God! What have they done!
They torched a whole season, for Pick Number One (can’t trust them),
I’m not having fun!
They’re certain to blow it, continue their run.
And still they’ll be a bricks-only club!
Never make a bucket,
They’re a bricks-only club,
Not gonna spend a ducat
On that bricks-only club,
Finally saying “fuck it”
To the bricks-only club, bricks-only club.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
—

A Person Can Be Sculpted in Gold
(To “Adelaide’s Lament” from “Guys and Dolls”)
(while reading the news)
(spoken): It says here...
The guy in the Oval Office, narcissist at his core
is an astonishing disgrace
With sociopathic symptoms, difficult to ignore
insisting that we should always see his face.
In other words
when the cronies around him will do anything they're told,
a person can be sculpted in gold.

If they try to resist all his crazy ideas,
they'll be out of work.
And we know nothing's gonna change him
'cause he's just a jerk,
While we wish for the day when they send him away
'cause he's gone berserk,
that person can be sculpted in gold.
(Judy Freed, Philadelphia, Pa.)
(^ Lyrics by Judy Freed, Philadelphia; performed by Valerie Holt)

A Painful Blockage
“To “Alouette”:
Fertilizer, where’s the fertilizer?
In a tanker on the Persian Gulf
Blockheads there are stopping freight
Passing through the Hormuz Strait
Stopping freight, stopping freight
Hormuz Strait, Hormuz Strait
Ohhhhh …
There are fewer hands to spread manure
All the help was grabbed by I-C-E
Now the crops will wilt away
From a lack of NPK
Wilt away, wilt away
NPK, NPK
Stopping freight, stopping freight
Hormuz Strait, Hormuz Strait
Ohhhhh …

This blockade means no more corn or soybeans
Or potatoes, peanuts, oats, or squash
You don’t need a PhD to know the cause is DJT
PhD, PhD, DJT, DJT, wilt away, wilt away, NPK, NPK
Stopping freight, stopping freight
Hormuz Strait, Hormuz Strait
Ohhhhh …

Old MacDonald quit and sold the farm.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Why Not Give It a Shot?
(To “Jolene”)
Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine
I’m begging of you: please don’t skip the shot
Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine
Herd immunity is all we’ve got
You listen to the online quacks
Who misinterpret basic facts
So measles, mumps, and more are back on scene
A fellow whose brain coexists
With worms knows more than scientists?
Dust off the iron lungs, they’ll be routine.
(Hildy Zampella, Sarasota, Fla.)

Stuck in the Strait of Hormuz (to “Stuck in the Middle With You”)
Well we sailed up here to transport some crude
And we surely didn't mean to intrude
But then USA went on the attack
And so now there's just no way to get back
War in the Middle East, no end in sight,
Here I am, stuck in the Strait of Hormuz
Well I'm... stuck in the Strait of Hormuz
This is NOT a situation I'd choose

We've been sitting here a couple of months
And it's messing with the prices at pumps
War in the Middle East, no end in sight,
Here I am, stuck in the Strait of Hormuz

Well they took out ayatollah day one
Trump was certain this was gonna be fun
There's no way his military could lose
But now listten to him singing the blues
War in the Middle East, no end in sight,
Here I am, stuck in the Strait of Hormuz
And Trump is singing the blues.
Stuck in the Strait of Hormuz.
(Ray Keaney, Arlington, Va.)
(^ Written and performed by Ray Keaney, Arlington, Va.)

Ode to Prediction Markets
(to “9 to 5”)
Tumble out of bed and I turn on Polymarket
Look at all my money, think of where to park it
What will I be betting on today?
Which World Cup team is gonna be the best?
Who’s gonna win the AL West?
And are the Knicks gonna win the NBA?

Will they win by five? What a way to make a living!
Will he take a dive? Winning bets feels like Thanksgiving.
I’m awake all night, but I always have to tiptoe.
My wife can’t find out that I’m gambling with crypto.

A senior official told me a secret
And even before I ran to leak it
I logged in so I could place my bet.
If the U.S. starts a war
At sunrise on September 4,
I’m gonna make my biggest fortune yet.

If we all survive, then I’m gonna make a killing.
This is how I thrive, and it’s absolutely thrilling.
In the White House SCIF, the top guys are gunslinging.
When they leave the room, you hear their phones all pinging….
(Barbara Sarshik, Vienna, Va.)

Trump Endorses Paxton
(To “I’m Just Ken” from “Barbie”)
Doesn’t really matter what he’d do,
Or if he smells like number two,
I don’t care how much he’s lied, oh-oh, he,
He has dealings that he can’t explain
With barely half a brain,
But he’s kissed my sweet behind,
So now I’ve made up my mind,

And I’ll back Ken!
Hopin’ he stays out of the pen,
Letting all Texans see who lives or dies in politics is up to me.
I’ll back Ken!
When I speak up, he says, “Amen!”
Make no mistake that all his sleaze will be a reason he’s my nominee.
(Mark Raffman)

D.C. Drivers Frustrated With Confusing Parking Signs
(To “Signs”)
D.C. Parking Signs (to “Signs” by the Five Man Electrical Band)
And the sign said “You can park here on weekends, but only after 10 a.m.
“And only if you have a Zone 4 pass, and even so, even then,
“You still have to download a parking app, and you have to have Nebraska plates,
“And then you have to solve a troll’s riddle,” and I said, “Noooo! I’m already runnin’ late!”

Signs, signs, everywhere the signs,
Too much information, I’m losin’ my mind
Park here, don’t park there,
I can’t read the signs.
(Ali Ruth)
(^Written and performed by Ali Ruth)

Coward’s Party
(To “I Went to a Marvellous Party,” by Noel Coward, 1938)
My political faction prefers taking action to meaningless quarrels.
It’s a game and we’re winning — no use in beginning to think about “morals.”
How lovely it feels to lash out at one’s leisure!
Violence by proxy is life’s greatest pleasure.

I belong to a marvelous party;
We’re looting the ship while it sinks,
Just filling our pockets with contracts for rockets like bullion from Brink’s.
We promised to curb the inflation,
But we aren’t tightening our belts.
You may think that we’ve lost our political passion
Or fallen in line now that fascism’s in fashion,
But don’t be so dramatic, it’s all just a cash-in.
To hell with everyone else.

“The good of the country” we flout with effront’ry and reckless insouciance.
The common electorate on which I expectorate, I regard as a nuisance.
It feels very much like the Fall of Rome,
And that makes me feel right at home.
I won’t waste my breath justifying each death
That my policies cause while cucks cry, “But the laws!”

I belong to a marvelous party;
If you dare show a glimmer of guts
We’ll call you a RINO (which means damned-if-I-know)
If you think for yourself, you’re a putz!
I belong to a marvelous party!
I’d outlaw the rest if I could.
But for now I suppose it will have to suffice
To rig the elections and load up the dice
And to murder the few who fight back against ICE
And as long as we do it, it’s good.
(Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)

Mifepristone
(To “Interjections” from “Schoolhouse Rock”)
Abortion pills aren’t hard to get, uh-huh,
And red states got a mite upset,
Their boo-and-a-hiss tone, we-take-that-amiss tone:
Apparent when they sued to ban mifepristone.

“FDA, kill this drug! Yow, that’s not fair, lettin’ ’em mail the pill down there!”

Mifepristone (“Hey!”) causes outrage (“Stop!”) and commotion (“Grrr!”),
Your pharmacy in Wichita Falls is not allowed to stock the stuff;
Telehealth outfits need not go along.

“Safety from those pills, a myth, uh-huh,” they said, and so did Circuit Fifth;
The Supreme Court took this tone: “Nope, no blood in this stone,”
Preserving women’s access to mifepristone.

(“Ban on hold for now. Pill-source companies can proceed pending review. Red states must chill out.”)

Mifepristone (“What?”) leads to rulings (“Huh?”) from the High Court (“Hey!”)
Which means a ban in Louisiana’s not effective nationwide.
Don’t get complacent — this might not last long ... (Duncan Stevens)

—

Them Hormuz Blues
(Original work set to a traditional 12-bar blues riff)
Back in February
US and Israel
Launched an operation
In Iran and gave them hell

They killed Ali Khamenei
But they also killed civilians too
Now they've got a situation
And don't know what to do

Trump is playing poker
But he's running out of chips
Gas is rising skyward
As his polling further dips

He tried to stack the deck
But the hand he's dealt himself ain't cool
'Cause the strait Iran is holding
Has him lookin' like a fool

Well, have you heard the news?
We've got them Hormuz Blues!
Trump's lost control
And should be quaking in his shoes
But he's just too dumb to notice
Or to care we've got them Hormuz Blues!"
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines, Iowa)
(^Original song on a blues riff, written and performed by Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Trump’s Plan B for 2029
(To “If I Only Had a Brain”)
I could fly to Abu Dhabi with Pete, JD, and Bobby
On Inauguration Day;
Then the Dems who now deride us can’t arrest or extradite us
Once they run the DOJ.

Or perhaps I’ll troll Obama from Riffa or Manama
While livin’ in Bahrain.
I could live the life of Riley, just enjoying how sheiks highly
Praise the way I entertain.

Oh, I could tell you more
’Bout deals I could score.
Cheatin’ chumps and tools I never fooled before,
Or just start, then end another war!

I could chill and want for nuffin’, pretendin’ to be tough ’n’
Impervious to pain.
But let’s face it, I’m a scammer
Who is headed to the slammer
’Cause I have no working brain.
(Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

Empire State of Mine
(To “Empire State of Mind”)
Yeah, I’m in the White House, now at Mar-a-Lago,
While my people eat cake, see me dine at Spago.
I am the new Nero, MAGA-coded hero,
Watch me stashing millions while your wallet goes to zero.
I bullied Venezuela, straight up snatched their leader,
Then I bombed Iran, caused their government to teeter.

Now I’m eyeing Cuba, targeting Havana,
I’ll force-feed them Donny-style as if I’m doling manna.
Can’t forget Greenland, my other weird obsession,
When they become my subjects, I know that we’ll be meshin’.
I said America First, but that was just me lyin’.
Fulfill my promises? I’m not even tryin’.

I’m building an empire with me at the top,
With supplicant Republicans, I’m never gonna stop.
Raised in hell, now I’m raisin’ it back
Yeah, you can tell I’m an evil dork because I carry a…

Pitchfork — hellish bungle where dreams are dying.
There’s no use in prying.
My pitchfork — my schemes will make you go, “What? Ew.”
They will disgust you.
Let’s hear it for my pitchfork …
(Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

The headline “Song Sung News” was submitted separately by John SanFilipo, a First Offender; Kevin Dopart; and Jon Gearhart; Chris Doyle wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

New for Week 179: Poems and jokes using spelling bee words
Ecanda, a plant that is harvested for rubber:
With some cotton plants
You can make a few pants.
But it’ll take some ecandas
To make tires for Hondas.

Cara sposa, a dear wife:
In the past, I’ve been shown a
Good time in Barcelona
But I met my cara sposa
Last year in Zaragoza.

The phenomenal seventh-grader Kushi Gottimukkala of Charlotte, N.C., who attends the unfortunately named Carnage G&T Magnet Middle School, aced “ecanda” to sail through Round 14 of last month’s National Spelling Bee, but finally tripped up in Round 15 with “cara sposa” — landing her in fourth place among the 247 super-spellers. (We think the first three kids should have had to spell “Kushi Gottimukkala.”)

Anyway, you get to (i.e., have to) look up the spellings for our yearlyish contest:
For Invitational Week 179: Write a humorous poem or tell a short joke (e.g., a riddle) using any word from Round 7 or later — except for Rounds 8 and 11, the vocabulary tests — in the 2026 Scripps National Spelling Bee (spellingbee.com).
SUPER-GREAT UPDATE! Just a few hours after we posted this contest on Thursday morning, June 4, Invite Obsessive Jeff Contompasis presented us with a full list of all the eligible words — including pronunciations and meanings! It even includes 35 extra words from the spell-off between the final two contestants. SEE THE LIST HERE, and also read the caveat above the list. A few guidelines:

— A. You may use a slightly different form of the word (e.g., plural, past tense).
— B. If you’re looking at the Bee website, be sure to use the correct spelling of the word, which appears on the list to the left of however the kid spelled it in competition, correctly or not.
— C. You have to use the word in its real meaning; you can’t pretend it means something else. (We have another contest for that.) Unless your poem acknowledges that the word made you think of another meaning. The real meaning of the word should be clear, from context alone or by brief definition, as in the Czar’s examples above.
— D. For Guidance ’n’ Inspiration,® here’s what got ink last June, in Week 127.

Formatting your entries: As with all our poetry contests, we dispense with our one-line-per-entry rule: Just type the poem as you’d like to see it in print. (Remember to include the number of the round when the word was read.)

Deadline is Saturday, June 13, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, June 18. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-179.

Winner gets these handsome crocodile socks, which should be worn with alligator shoes, but any dressy footwear is correct, as illustrated. For obvious reasons, these are de rigueur in your more transparent law offices.


Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Sunday, June 7, at 9 p.m. ET: It’s our contest to choose an expression that includes a number, then change the quantity in two ways and describe the result. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Jeff Contompasis)
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (John SanFilipo; Kevin Dopart; Jon Gearhart)
Subhead: (Chris Doyle)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!