The Invitational Week 177: It’s Parody Time
Write us a song about something in the news. Plus our ‘Questionable Journalism’ winners.
Pat Myers and gene weingarten
May 21, 2026


Hello. Look at the world around you. Are you happy yet? Do you have a song in your heart? No? Then how about in your spleen? That’ll do! This week we present one of The Invitational’s song parody contests, this time about current events. The details are below; the ideal sort of entry is above … but first, we deal with the old contest, which features a lot of the reasons for your general dismay and discomfiture these days:

Smart Asks: ‘Questionable Journalism’ from Week 175
In our contest for Invitational Week 175, we asked you to choose any sentence from any publication dated that week, then write a question that the sentence might humorously answer. (We’re not citing the original sources, but they’re legit. The rules were generous; the winner, as you will see, niftily uses the opening message in Wordle.)

Third runner-up:
A. Former ministers get suspended sentences.
Q. In China, what is a euphemism for hanging? (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

Second runner-up:
A. Anyone who has had contact with the beaver is being asked to notify the Mahwah Township Health Department immediately.
Q. What message did health experts send to Stormy’s post-Trump lovers? (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

First runner-up:
A. “I know who I am, I never forget who I am.”
Q. What else did Trump brag about acing on his cognitive test? (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

And the winner of the “Max Capacity 15 Clowns” bumper sticker:
A. Go ahead, add another day to your 12 day streak.
Q. Should I wait to change my lucky underwear? (Pam Shermeyer)

The Road to Dumb Askers: Honorable mentions
A. This 17-acre stretch includes three differently-themed areas and the world’s largest swim-up bar.
Q. How has Trump redesigned the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

A. Turns out all they had to do was ask.
Q. Why did Netanyahu’s team regret the hours it spent building a case for the U.S. to attack Iran? (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

A. It has mostly hung out in the high 2s since then.
Q. How has the onset of the Iran war affected Trump’s mental age? (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

A. “I need to learn a third language,” said Rubio.
Q. Why does the Foreign Service Institute now teach Sycophantonese? (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)

A. It has not yet reached a floor vote.
Q. Will Ginger eat this broccoli if I drop it from my plate? (Pam Shermeyer)

A. The golden rule: Don’t give advice.
Q. What golden rule utterly contradicts itself? (Suzanne M. Fregly, Hove, England, who received her only other blot of Invite ink in 1997)

A. He struck out three.
Q. How did Trump claim he set a record while throwing out the first pitch at the World Series? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

A. 70 percent of American farmers can’t afford fertilizer this planting season.
Q. Why has the level of bullshit seemed to have increased dramatically in this country? (Pam Shermeyer)

A. A maintenance worker inadvertently applied weed killer to the greens with disastrous results.
Q. Which Salads-R-Us employee got fired this week? (Leif Picoult)

A. “And then I just put them right back!”
Q. What did Trump recall doing after briefly picking up morals? (Leif Picoult)

A. “Hopefully, they won’t all leave me at once.”
Q. What did Joey Chestnut say after consuming a record 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

A. Your teachers will not give you a good educational experience.
Q. What Trump University motto sounds better in Latin: Magistri tui non dabunt tibi bonam educationem experientiam? (Leif Picoult)

A. We have not received any reports of immediate shortages for printing inks or naphtha.
Q. If Hormuz stays closed, what foods will still be available? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

A. “We used to have a guy who would come once a month with a mustard bottle stuck in his butt.”
Q. Why did your homeowners association switch to virtual meetings? (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

A. “If anybody got near the place, we will know about it — and we’ll blow them up.”
Q. As the manager of this sex doll store, how do you keep things fresh and ready for walk-in customers? (Judy Freed, Philadelphia)

A. In a 1969 debriefing after the Apollo 11 flight, astronaut Buzz Aldrin reported seeing “little flashes inside the cabin, spaced a couple of minutes apart,” while trying to fall asleep.
Q. How did we first learn about Neil Armstrong’s secret nightly doobies? (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

A. “They did everything we asked.”
Q. President Trump, why did you pardon all those folks who stormed the Capitol on January 6? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

A. It literally came out of nowhere.
Q. Where did the misuse of “literally” originate? (Gary Crockett)

A. “You have an important job, don’t you? I am so glad I got to meet you. I won’t forget you.”
Q. How does Trump close Cabinet meetings when he’s sundowning? (Steve Honley)

A. “I had a great time playing him.”
Q. President Xi, how were your meetings with President Trump last week? (Judy Freed)

A. It’s not like the movement sweeping K-12 schools to ban cellphones in classrooms.
Q. What is the assessment of efforts to ban assault weapons in classrooms? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

A. “Not communicating doesn’t make the public feel there’s no problem.”
Q. What sentence won this year’s Triple Negative Award? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

A. Their pitch: a new system to literally lower an entire home into a subterranean vault when a wildfire approaches.
Q. What plan did the entrepreneurs adopt after their scheme to raise homes on thousands of helium balloons failed? (Frank Osen)

A. The fix is two clicks away.
Q. What is the slogan for Amazon’s newest venture, Heroin by Drone? (Mark Raffman)

A. California is used to larger-than-life politicians, but there aren’t any in this group.
Q. Why are Munchkin-Americans underrepresented in California politics? (Gary Crockett)

A. Officials have not determined the cause.
Q. To what charitable organization did Trump actually donate? (Judy Freed)

A. The horses are obedient and housebroken.
Q. Why would most people rather have horses over for dinner than Kash Patel? (Duncan Stevens)

A. A bottle of antacid pills sits on top of a microwave.
Q. What’s the kitchen setup at Yo Mama’s Diner? (Jeff Contompasis)

A. “A successful work of film is rarely improved by making it twice as long.”
Q. Do you think your porn flick would have sold better if you’d cast Ron Jeremy? (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

A. “No one said ‘I love you.’ ”
Q. Mr. President, why did you fire the entire Cabinet after today’s meeting? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

And Last:
A. The social media blowback exploded like a digital Montezuma’s revenge.
Q. What happened when Gene wrote a column dissing Mexican food? (Frank Osen)

And Even Laster:
A. “Would it matter to you if I told you I’m Pope Leo?”
Q. What is the entry I forgot to submit to The Invitational’s bad-pickup-lines contest? (Richard Wexler, Alexandria, Va.)

The headline “Smart Asks” is by Kevin Dopart; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

New contest for Week 177: Songs about current events
For Invitational Week 177: Write a humorous song about the news, set to any familiar tune (or even your own tune, if you’ll sing it to our readers). Videos are welcome as well — like Judy Freed’s, a runner-up last year, at the top of this page — though the majority of the entries we run are just lyrics. Pleeez see further instructions here (along with a link to last year’s results); especially note the advice on length for both lyrics and videos.

We’re excited about this one because we’ll need some fresh material for the 30th (!) Flushies, the Invitational Losers’ annual award “banquet”/potluck/singalong; it’ll be on Saturday afternoon, June 27, at the Empress’s abode, Mount Vermin, in the D.C. suburbs. All fans of the Invite are welcome; click here for more details and a link to RSVP.

This contest is fun but hard, so we’ll give you an extra day: Deadline is Sunday, May 31, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Unlike most weeks, if you send them earlier, we’ll try to look at them earlier. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, June 4.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-177. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form. Type up your lyrics just as you’d like to see them in print.

This week’s winner receives this light-blocking eye mask that will freak out anyone in your vicinity while you blissfully float around in Greater Dreamland. You don’t want to talk to the person next to you on the plane? This should do the trick.

Eyes Wide Shut: This week’s prize.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Still running — deadline Saturday, May 23, at 9 p.m. ET: It’s our contest for portmanteau terms that include a real person’s name. Click on “read full story” below for details.


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Title: (Kevin Dopart)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
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