The Invitational Week 176: Natalie Portmanteau
Combine the name of a person with the name of a thing. Plus ‘Queasymodo’ and other winning ‘grandfoals.’
Gene Weingarten and Pat Myers
May 14, 2026
Generated by AI
Hello. That’s not Natalie Portman, above, of course. It is Kim Kardashian, nimbly representing today’s new contest and today’s old contest, a feat we believe we never have achieved before! The new contest — which we also never have done before — was inspired by the dreadful issue of partisan gerrymandering. “Gerrymander” is an ugly word (it rivals “blogosphere” for unhandsomeness) and we’ll get to to that by and by. But first:
Gramptown Races: ‘Grandfoals’ from Week 174
Four weeks ago, in Invitational Week 172, we posted a list of a hundred of the 3-year-old horses nominated for this year’s Triple Crown races, asking you to “breed” any two names and name their “foal” to reflect both parents’ names. Then two weeks ago — kids grow up so fast these days — we presented those pun-laden foal names and asked for “grandfoals.”
Third runner-up:
Blown-Apart x Thou Shalt Knot = Detonation Wedding
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Second runner-up:
Blown-Apart x Chief Wannabe = Chief Usetobe
(Lee Graham, Columbia, S.C.)
First runner-up:
Fee Fi Fo Fume x Figgy Pooting = BeansTalk
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)
And the winner of the T-shirt depicting Marcel Duchamp’s urinal art:
American Booty x Dumbledoordash = Kim Kardoordashian
(Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.)
Understuddies: Honorable mentions
Mr. A.I. x Steal = SixFinger Discount (Mary McNamara, Washington, D.C.)
The GreatWhiteDope x I Like Big Utz = Tommy Tuber (Steve Smith, Beverly, Mass.)
Dumbledorito x Fake Id = Nacho Usual Self (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)
Fly Me to the Moo x Knight-Night = Pasture Bedtime (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
Majority Whip x 8 Misbehavin’ = Flagel-8 (Jonathan Jensen)
8 Misbehavin’ x Napoleon, Solo = They Octad Alone (Frank Osen)
8 Misbehavin’ x I Half Sinned = 4 Given (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
That Rings a Bell x 8 Too Much! = Queasymodo (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
J.K. Growling x Acid Trip = Sorcerer’s Stoned (Rivka Liss-Levinson, Washington, D.C.; Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.; Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)
American Booty x Forgive Me, Farter = Rose-Colored Gases (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)
Law of Cavity x Ally Cats = Hollow Kitty (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Hock x American Booty = Pawnography (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Andante’s Inferno x The Hell We’re In = Tempo of Doom (Duncan Stevens)
Artsy Fartsy x Waterloogie = Renee Phlegming (Judy Freed, Philadelphia)
Bart of Avon x Fly Me to the Moo = HaveNotACow,Sirrah (Sarah Walsh)
Goodwill Humping x Billions&Billions = Porking Lots (Judy Freed)
Billions&Billions x Zippo = Zippo (David Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.)
Limey to the Moon x Bird of Pray = Gibbous This Day (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
Bird of Pray x Tuah = Swallow (Harvey Smith, McLean, Va.)
Bird of Pray x Zippo = The Flying None (Jesse Frankovich)
Dumbledorito x Bone-a-partner = Free to Lay (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
Bone-a-partner x Laurence Alleviate = Rigid the Third (Steve Price, New York)
Laurence Alleviate x NocturnalAdmission = Veni (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)
Pseudoseance x Bone-a-partner = Crystal Ballin’ (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Pseudoseance x Bone-a-partner = Very Happy Medium (Matt Monitto)
Take a Bough x Bone-a-partner = FrondsWithBenefits (Duncan Stevens)
Just a Sitar x Thou Shalt Knot = Norwegian Wouldn’t (Laurie Brink, Mineola, N.Y.)
Bone-a-partner x That Rings a Bell = I Got The Clapper (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.; Jeff Contompasis)
Close but No Cigar x Dr. Zeus = A Near Myth (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Pees on Earth x Close but No Cigar = Pees on Shoes (David Peckarsky)
Deep Blue Z’s x Fonzie Scheme = Rip Van Winkler (Duncan Stevens)
Pseudoseance x Deep Blue Z’s = Ouija Bored (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)
I Gotta Go Now! x Dr. Zeus = Bye, Jove (Duncan Stevens)
Flexible Opening x Dr. Zeus = Bi Jove (Frank Osen)
The Hell We’re In x Dr. Zeus = OhThePlaceHe’llGo (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Six Six Six Speed x Fake Id = 18 (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
SymPhony x Fake Id = A Minor (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)
SymPhony x Fake Id = Beethoven’s Tenth (Bernard Brink)
Fee Fi Fo Fume x Hock = Once a Pawn a Time (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)
I Gotta Go Now! x Flexible Opening = Instantanusly (Jesse Frankovich)
Steal x Flexible Opening = Snatch (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati; Jesse Frankovich)
Fly Me to the Moo x I Gotta Go Now! = Fly Me to the Loo (Jonathan Jensen; Judy Freed)
Fonzie Scheme x Pees on Earth = Henry Tinkler (Laurie Brink; Mia Wyatt; Jesse Frankovich)
Pirates of Penance x Forgive Me, Farter = Self-Flatulation (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
Thou Shalt Knot x Forgive Me, Farter = MacraMea Culpa (Stephen Dudzik)
Goodwill Humping x Six Six Six Speed = Matt Demon (Roy Ashley; Mia Wyatt)
Goodwill Humping x NocturnalAdmission = Mattress Damon (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Tu x ICE = Et Tu, Brute! (Jonathan Jensen)
Pees on Earth x I Gotta Go Now! = Pees in Pants (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
The Hell We’re In x I Half Sinned = The Heck We’re In (Pam Shermeyer)
I Like Big Utz x SymPhony = Baby Got Bach (Mary McNamara)
Mad About Yew x Just a Sitar = Raving Shankar (Leif Picoult)
Meshuga and Spice x Just a Sitar = Rabbi Shankar (Steve Price)
SymPhony x Just a Sitar = Haydn Sikh (Laurie Brink)
Law of Cavity x The Hell We’re In = Orifice Descending (Duncan Stevens)
Limey to the Moon x WhoLetTheDogsOut = Lunar Rover (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)
Tu x Mad About Yew = Tree (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)
Pees on Earth x Sneaker = Whiz Keds (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
TGI Freud Day x Pees on Earth = Your Analysis (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
TGI Freud Day x Pirates of Penance = Mom Kippur (Brian Cohen)
WhoLetTheDogsOut x Pseudoseance = MAHA Men (Mia Wyatt)
Six Six Six Speed x Zippo = TheDevilWearsNada (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)
Sneaker x Switch-a-Roo = Converse (Daniel Galef)
The Golden Drool x Steal = Spit Take (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.; Neal Starkman, Seattle)
Waterloogie x SymPhony = Mucus to My Ears (Jesse Frankovich)
That Rings a Bell x The Hell We’re In = Notre Damned (Lee Graham)
Zippo x The GreatWhiteDope = LighterShadeOfPale (Dave Zarrow, Skokie, Ill.)
Zippo x The Hell We’re In = Nada Prayer (Karen Lambert)
I Gotta Go Now! x ICE = U Gotta Go Now! (Gregory Koch)
The headline “Gramptown Races” is by Art Grinath; Jeff Contompasis wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.
New contest for Week 176: Portmanteau names
Kash PatelLaLaLand: A state of knee-jerk cluelessness.
Trumpster fire: A bastard of a problem.
For Invitational Week 176: Combine the name of a real person, dead or alive, with the name of one or more things, and define the portmanteau that results, as in the examples above (see below for further instructions) — and as, of course, with “gerrymander.” That portmanteau word combines the word “salamander” with the name of Elbridge Gerry, the governor of Massachusetts in 1812 who signed a partisan redistricting bill that created a distorted electoral district in the shape of one of those amphibious creepy-crawlies. Behold, in newspaper art from the time:
About Gerrymandering | Fair Districts PA
A gerrymander refers to that sort of undemocratic manipulation designed to disenfranchise one group of people or give disproportionate power to another group. (Mr. Gerry, incidentally, pronounced his name with a hard G, but has no vote in how we pronounce “gerrymander.”)
And by coincidence — we created this contest before we judged the grandfoals contest — the winner, “Kim Kardoordashian,” would have qualified as a portmanteau for this contest.
So: What are we defining as a portmanteau, and what does it have to do to qualify?
• One element has to be a name of a real — not fictional — person.
• The other element(s) must be something other than a person’s name. We will accept almost anything — a book, a movie, a business, a concept, whatever, just not another person’s name. There should be some overlap between the elements, or one of the elements should be partial, as in all the examples we cite; “Kash PatelLaLaLand,” for instance, has not only Kash Patel and La La Land, but “patella” (hence “knee-jerk”).
• As with most of our neologism contests, there’s a fair chance that someone else will send in the same clever portmanteau that you did. In that case, the funnier, punchier, more clever description will get the ink.
Formatting your entries: It’s just our standard request not to break a single entry into multiple lines; i.e., don’t push Enter until you’re ready to write your next entry.
Deadline is Saturday, May 16, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, May 21. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.
Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-176.
This week’s winner gets Duck Duck Drink, a cute li’l tea infuser that lets you watch the nether end of a duck bob in your cup as you wait for your Earl Grey leaves to steep for the proper interval. Donated by Dave Prevar.
If you had to choose which end of a duck you’d want in your tea, wouldn’t you want it this way?
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.
Still running — deadline Saturday, May 16, at 9 p.m. ET: It’s our Questionable Journalism contest, in which you choose any sentence from a current article or ad, then follow it with a question it might humorously answer. Click on “read full story” below for details.
InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Art Grinath)
Subhead: (Jeff Contompasis)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!