The Invitational Week 170: Ask Backwards XLVI
A contest so classic it has four Roman numerals. Plus a look back at another vintage challenge.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Apr 02, 2026



Just a few weeks ago, to orgasmic public reaction, The Invitational announced a permanent change to its 33-year-old format: We would begin with the results of the previous contest, then follow it with the announcement of the new contest. But this week, and this week only, we are reverting to the old form — for the simple reason that we don’t have any new results this week; for vacation reasons, we didn’t offer a new contest two weeks ago.

Do not despair. We’ve got something special down below to replace it. You’ll just have to wait a sec.

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• Rambo and Juliet
• X Marks the Spot
• The Night of the Guano
• A bacon, lettuce, and NATO sandwich
• It can be found only in Istanbul and RFK Jr.’s house.
• That’s what he said
• That’s what Xi said
• The Battle of Bull Shit
• Wynken, Blynken, and God
• Other than a cat, no one
• Just a typo
• Trump’s finest hour
• A better motto for the new, streamlined Washington Post.
• One Bottle After Another
• It was found in Kash Patel’s Email
For Invitational Week 170: Choose one of the “answers” listed above and follow it with a question it might humorously answer. See the contest itself for links to a couple of our 44 previous Ask Backwards contests.

Important formatting instructions! Write each “answer” — in full, just as written above — followed by your question on the same line, just like the following examples, which are the top winners of our last Ask Backwards contest. Do not press Enter between the answer and the question.

A. A French fry and a French kiss. Q. What might Donald Trump proudly serve you, whether or not you actually want it? (Judy Freed)

A. Karoline Leavitt’s lectern. Q. Where can one hide a wee nip o’ Kool-Aid? (Barbara Turner)

A. The first thing RFK Jr. does in the morning. Q. What are fifty don’t-know squats? (Jonathan Paul)

A. One of those thin eyeglass-cleaning wipes. Q. What do they use as a towel at the ICE detention center? (Kevin Dopart)

Deadline is Saturday, April 11, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, April 14. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-170.

This week’s winner gets these gotta-laugh-at-’em headrest covers for your car. They look both forward and back — in pretty good 2-D trompe l’oeil — but they slip on and off easily if your passenger is the freaks-out type.

2pcs character cute smile theme printed car seat cushion headrest neck pillow protector with adorable design suitable for most car models car interior waist pillow 0


Just the thing for a driverless car.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

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Good. Now, brace for the nostalgia.

We’d suggested that we would publish, this week, the second half of the winners of the re-engineered Donald Trump SOTU speech, but we’re actually postponing that for reasons closeted in mystery, reasons too enigmatic to reveal. They’ll arrive soon.

Instead, below are the results of a contest from the very first year of The Style Invitational, back in October 1993, in The Washington Post. We liked the results a lot then, and still do.

All that follows is from 33 years ago:

Report from Week 29, in which we asked you for unfortunate advertising slogans.

Yeah, yeah. We know. “Eureka Vacuum Cleaners: We Really Suck.” And “Miami: A Vacation to Die For.” Our rule of thumb is that if more than two people come up with the same idea, regardless of its wit, it flunks the originality test. So we cannot honor by name the four entrants who submitted this most excellent slogan: “Denny’s. For People With Discriminating Taste.”

Fourth Runner-Up: Saturn Motor Co. “Remember That First Car of Your Dreams? We Recall Ours.” (Kurt Rabin)

Third Runner-Up: Lincoln. “The Cadillac of Cars.” (Gary Patishnock)

Second Runner-Up: Trojan Condoms. “It's the One Your Father Used.” (Christina Bahl)

First Runner-Up: Sears Auto Repair. “No Problem, We'll Fix It.” (Geoff and Jacki Drucker)

And the winner of the life-size inflatable moose head:
The Hubble Telescope Corp.: “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet!” (Tom Gearty)

Honorable Mentions:

Aquaban Diuretic: “We’re Number One!” (Tom Gearty)

Otis Elevators: “We Won’t Let You Down.” (Mary Ann Curtin; Geoff and Jacki Drucker)

R.J. Reynolds Tobacco: “A Growth Industry.” (Susan Wenger)

Amtrak: “Take the Plunge!” (David M. Howe)

Cellular One Telephone: “We Don’t Give You a Lot of Talk.” (Michael Scott)

“Switch to Clearasil. Break Out From the Pack.” (Michael Scott)

Suzuki Samurai: “You'll Flip Over Our Low Prices.” (Sheryl Katz; Katherine Fink)

Midas Brakes: “There's No Stopping Us Now!” (Ed Leonardo; Paul F. Krause)

Bell Atlantic Cellular Phones: “When You Talk, We Listen.” (Roz Jonas)

Dinty Moore Beef Stew: “We Put a Little Bit of Ourselves Into Everything We Do!” (Anne-Marie Da Costa)

Weight Watchers: “Join Us. You Can’t Lose.” (Walter H. Kopp)

AT&T: “We Stay Busy for You.” (Walter H. Kopp)

Denny’s: “A Taste of the Old South.” (Tony Buckley)

Michelin: “Going Flat Out to Keep Your Business.” (Peggy Hyde)

Schick Razors: “A Cut Above the Rest.” (Fran Ludman)

Chiquita Bananas: “We'll Spoil You Rotten.” (Michael Fribush)

Packwood Reelection Committee: “Keeping in Touch With Our Constituents.” (Michael R. Megargee, Arlington)

Good.

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