The Invitational Week 163: My, How We’ve Groaned
Write a riddle with a name-pun. Plus winning bogus definitions for obsolete words.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Feb 12, 2026

Jackals: Canine Survivors and Tricksters of Folklore | HowStuffWorks


The Oxford English Dictionary says this is what a dieb is. An Invitational entrant has another idea, below.
Hello. What famous newspaper humor contest became trite and boring? The Stale Invitational!

Haha! Just kidding! Nothing could be further from the truth! But that was a way to introduce our scintillating new contest this week, the details to follow.

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Q. Is squeaky-voiced smarminess annoying in all adolescent pop stars?
A. No, Justin Bieber. (Natalie Beary)

Q. What did the Pearl Jam fan say at the concert, even though she was suffering from a head cold?
A. “It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than this!” (Chris Doyle)

Q. Why did Dr. Seuss write “The Cat in the Hat”?
A. Some Geisel do anything to amuse children! (Robert Schechter)

Q: What was the name of the photographer who left a trail of negatives in the forest?
A: Hansel Adams!

For Invitational Week 163: Write a joke in Q&A form that uses a pun on a person’s name in the answer, as in the examples above from previous contests. (And here are our winners from 2013 and from back in 2002.) The person can be alive or dead, real or fictional. (“The Stale Invitational” wouldn’t actually qualify; not a person.)

Formatting your entries: Though we’ll be printing the jokes in two lines as above, we want YOU to write the Q part and the A part on the same line, just like this:
Q. What did the feminist singer say to Sadat? A. All Liz Phair in love, Anwar! (Thank you, Chris Doyle. We have been groaning since 2002.)

Deadline is Saturday, Feb. 21, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Feb. 26. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-163.

Proving that we can’t restrict inflicting our puns on a single language, we offer to this week’s winner the Como Tea Llama tea infuser. It makes sense, though, since llamas are native to steep terrain … Donated by Dave Prevar.




For a contest for puns on names, we offer a pun on “name.”
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

A Matter of Laugh and Def: Bogus definitions from Week 161
In Invitational Week 161 we gave you a list of obscure or archaic words that we fished out of the Oxford English Dictionary, the version with the microscopic printing and the magnifying glass. The list didn’t include their meanings, because we wanted you to create your own, totally fake ones.

Third runner-up:
Golofer: An underling who goes on social media to attack your opponents for you. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.) [Real meaning: A glutton]

Second runner-up:
Fadge: One of those lapel pins worn to support the cause of the hour. The “ICE OUT” fadge was de rigueur at this year’s Grammys, replacing last year’s blue hearts. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) [Real meaning; A bundle of goods]

First runner-up:
Decumbiture: Cleaning the furniture after a moment of passion. “The VP liked the couch so much it needed major decumbiture.” (Howard Ausden, Damascus, Md.) [Real meaning: Being sick in bed]

And the winner of the vintage Random House “Bad Speller’s Dictionary”:
Amolish: To de-demolish. “The court ruled the administration must immediately amolish the East Wing, the rule of law, and the Constitution.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) [Real meaning: To do away with]

Lossary: Honorable mentions
Affesed: Even lazier than half-assed. “The couch potato made an affesed effort to reach for the remote, which was one cushion away.” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.) [Real meaning: Scared, alarmed, perturbed]

Amolish: What they speak in Amol. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) [To do away with]

Barlafumble: To say a pickup line at the pub and then realize how stupid it is, like “You remind me of my daughter.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) [Call for a truce by one who has fallen in wrestling or play]

Cacochymy: The theoretical transmutation of shit into gold. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore) [Unhealthy humors of the body]

Chalder: A Babylonian mobile. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.) [A dry measure in Scotland]

Chavel: A tumbledown shack, even by the standards of the shtetl. “He had the chutzpah to think she’d marry him and move into that chavel.” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) [A cheek]

Cleck: The seldom heard third host on “Car Talk.” (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) [To hatch]

Dewbeaters: Every other soda. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.) [Feet]

Dieb: Steve with a bad cold. (Tom Witte) [The species now called the African wolf or jackal]

Efreet: Skeert. (Tom Witte) [An evil demon or monster]

Endiplural: Born with extra glutes. “Yo Mama’s so endiplural, her butt looks like triplets joined at the cheeks.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) [*See abashed note at the bottom of the honorable mentions]

Fadge: A fake badge. “No, ma’am, this paper ICE star ain’t no fadge.” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) [A bundle of goods]

Gabion: Newly discovered boson carrying the strong forces of rumor and gossip. (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.) [A wicker basket to be filled with earth for use in fortifications]

Golofer: A golfer who plays an extra hole. (Jonathan Jensen) [A glutton]

Heild: Went around using Nazi salutes in everyday life. “Elon heild a cab.” (Jon Cannon, Potomac, Md.) [To cover, shield, or hide]

Helluation: A measure of how much trouble a person can cause, used in Homeland Security hiring. “Dumb as a stump, but off the charts in helluation. Hire him!” (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.) [A devouring gluttony]

Helluation: The opposite of a salutation. “Bob tended to begin his email replies with the helluation ‘Dear Shithead:’ ” (Michael Stein)

Helluation: The slow, simmering dread that arrives when your boss says “quick chat in my office later today, okay?” (Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)

Lampion: The winner of the Westminster Eel Show. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.) [A pot or cup holding oil and a wick]

Lampion: The winner of a major award: an incandescent leg. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Lench: A meal that stinks up the office microwave. “Bob’s coworkers resented the fish lench he brought every Tuesday.” (Leif Picoult) [Part of a seam of rock salt]

Lixive: Envelope glue. (Jesse Frankovich) [Lye]

Lyfkie: A baby born in a rideshare. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.) [A bodice]

Macana: A road surface made from tar, crushed rock, and banana peels. (Jonathan Paul) [An ironwood club]

Materteral: A backward pass to Yo Mama, who is always ready to catch it from behind. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) [Like an aunt; the counterpart to “avuncular”]

Mounture: A category in the annual Adult Video awards. “Once again, the award for best mounture goes to Amber Dexterous.” (Frank Osen) [A horse used for riding]

Omlah: A pep squad cheer for competitive meditators. “Omlah ganders! Omlah geese!/ Give those guys some inner peace!” (Jonathan Paul) [A staff of court clerks and officials in colonial Bengal]

Here’s a list of the real meanings (in thumbnail form) of all the words we listed in Week 161.

*After publishing our word list, the Empress discovered that she had failed to read her handwritten notes properly; “endiplural” should have been “eudiplural” (having symmetrical halves). But we couldn’t possibly deny you that Yo Mama joke. Thanks, though, to the erudite Julia Griffin, who was highly skeptical of our first spelling.

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The headline “A Matter of Laugh and Def” is by Jesse Frankovich: Jesse, Kevin Dopart, and Tom Witte all submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Feb. 14, at 9 p.m. ET: Write a funny valentine to a particular person, real or fictional, either from you or from another person. You can even make a graphic. Click on “read full story” below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Natalie Beary; Chris Doyle; Robert Schechter; Chris Doyle)
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich; Kevin Dopart; Tom Witte)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:H:1681: (Julia Griffin)
VisibleInk!