The Invitational Week 158: It’s ERTH Day
Coin a term containing the block THRE in any order. Plus ‘Laws’ of modern life — and Mike Godwin of Godwin’s Law weighs in.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Jan 08, 2026

Are they squid rings, or might they be … see today’s Invitational results below.
Sure, the world is falling apart. Government thugs murder people in the streets. Democracy crumbles. Ugly imperialism prevails. Official liars are spewing official lies. Our way of life is teetering, like a fiddler on the roof.

How do we cope? How do we keep it all together? Tradition!

Today we launch our twenty-second annual(ish) Tour de Fours neologism challenge, in which we give you a block of four letters and you build a new term around it, rearranging the letters in any of twenty-four ways. And since The Gene Pool just turned three years old (and The Invitational is about to turn thirty-three years old), we chose this block: THRE.

THREEBATE: A tax deduction for triplets.

NETHERLAND: The happy place Peter Pan discovered a few years later, right in his pocket

THE FORTY-SEVENTH REICH: “I have the right to do whatever I want as President.”

For Invitational Week 158: Coin a new word or multi-word phrase that includes the letter block THRE — in any order but with no other letters between them (spaces or hyphens between words are okay) and describe it, as in the examples above. Using it in a funny sentence might make your entry more inkworthy than someone else’s.

Formatting your entries: Begin each entry with your neologism, followed by the description, as in the examples. Don’t break a single entry into multiple lines; i.e., don’t hit Enter until the end of each one.

Deadline is Saturday, Jan. 17, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Jan. 22. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-158.

This week’s winner gets this nifty op-art floor mat. It’s the Empress’s own photo (and her own feet) but oddly, the depth effect is more striking in the photo rather than what you’ll see with your smarter personal eyes. Still, it’s pretty cool, even if it might not freak out your cat.

WE HAVE NEWS! With five entries getting ink in last week’s Invitational results, Juggernaut of Jocularity Jesse Frankovich zoomed to the 1,500-blot lifetime mark in a mere eleven years of serious Invite-entering, the fastest among the five ultra-Losers who’ve managed this achievement. Most telling: It was just 2½ years ago when we celebrated Jesse’s Ink No. 1,000.

In fact, Jesse scored five inks in last year’s Tour de Fours contest — and won it — for the letter block DOGE, including these:
• DEAD GEORGE: In the final volume of the series, the monkey gets a little too curious.
• GEODICK: What this clam ought to be called, by the looks of it.
• THE HEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE: It’s said with one’s fingers crossed behind one’s back.

Mad Maxims: Winning ‘laws’ of modern life
In Invitational Week 156 we asked you to come up with new laws for modern life, consistent with “Godwin’s Law,” considered the very first internet meme. Godwin’s Law was promulgated by lawyer and internet pioneer Mike Godwin; it’s a wry observation about how any online discussion seems always to descend into someone calling someone else a Nazi. As he promised us, Mr. Godwin weighed heavily into judging the results of this contest, picking the winner and others, and, most dramatically, appending a “Godwin’s corollary” and “Godwin’s Synthesis” to a few.

Third runner-up:
When one is dining out with friends and diving into succulent calamari fritti, the probability approaches 1 that someone will say they’ve heard that what’s sold as squid rings are often actually pig anuses. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

Second runner-up:
Jerry’s Law: The mood during any mildly annoying predicament can be lightened by saying, “You know something? This could be a ‘Seinfeld’ episode.” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

First runner-up:
The Law of Trump: “Law”?
(Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.; Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

And the winner of the toy human papilloma virus:
The Law of the Errant Commentariat: The angrier the comment on an article or post, the less likely that the commenter has read any farther than the headline.
(Dan Helming, Conshohocken, Pa.)
[Godwin’s Corollary: The angrier your response to the idiot poster, the more likely you will have accidentally omitted the word “not.”]

Vice-Principles: Honorable mentions
Spiegel’s Law: In the user reviews of any given product, somebody will swear by it and someone else will swear at it. (Carol Spiegel, Madison, Wis., a First Offender)

Bowser’s Law: A first date is effectively ended when the other person calls their pet a “fur baby.” (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

The Self-Checkout Rule: The fewer items you have, the more likely you will hear that “help is on the way.” (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

No matter how high the level of discernment, intellect, academic rigor, artistic merit, or societal value in a social media exchange, the first person who posts a posed, professionally lit picture of themselves loses. (Mandy Worley, Rye, Colo.)

The Inbox Osmosis Law: Work expands to fill the exact amount of time you weren’t planning to spend on it. (Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)

Atkins’s Law: If your toast falls jelly side down, or jelly side up, or it doesn’t fall at all, you’re still eating too many carbs. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

The Potluck Remainder Rule: The person who brought the gluten-free vegan dish to the potluck will insist on leaving the leftovers behind. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

The probability that your bladder or bowels will empty uncontrollably is inversely proportional to your distance from the toilet, especially if your zipper gets stuck. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

The Schrödinger Scat Paradox: A flushed toilet is simultaneously cleared and clogged until you lift the lid to check. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

The Customer Service Curse: The amount of time you spend on hold is inversely proportional to the speed at which you’ll be disconnected when finally transferred to a human being. (Judy Freed, Philadelphia)

Hamlet’s Law: Whenever you attempt to stab your enemy through a curtain, it’s always some other guy. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

The Hi, Honey, What a Nice Surprise Law: There is such a thing as a free lunch. Just show up at Mom’s at the right hour. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Dr. Trump’s Aspirin Axiom: Thin blood good, thick blood bad. (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)
[Dr. Godwin’s Corollary: Further questions about anticoagulants will be directed to the Secretary of Warfarin.]

The Antoinette Assessment: Rich people can have their cake and eat it too. They just buy two cakes. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

Santayana’s Corollary: Those who remember the past are condemned to repeat it with those who don’t. (Steve D., Gaithersburg, Md., a First Offender)

The Lincoln-Twain-Parker-Wilde Witticism: The pithier the quote, the less likely it will be attributed to the person who actually said it first. (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)
[Godwin’s Synthesis: Those who forget the past are condemned to attribute all Santayana quotes to Mark Twain or Oscar Wilde.]

No matter how seldom you use your phone on the toilet, someday, in the middle of a text, you are bound to dr (Dave Prevar)

The Law of Shirley U. : After introducing yourself to two or more people at a social event, one person will invariably say to you, “Shirley, you can’t be serious.” You then force a smile and obligingly respond, “I am serious and you can call me Shirley.” On the inside, though, a cold, remorseless despair claims you. O God, will it never end? (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

The Caracas Caveat: Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him until a Reaper drone blows him out of the water. (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

Rule No. 1 of Technological Progress: The rate of speed at which a given technology develops is an exponential function of its usefulness in separating people from their money. (Mark Raffman)

The Limbo Law of Dating: The longer you’re in the game, the lower the bar gets. (Judy Freed)

The Politician Principle: Most people rise to their level of incompetence, but politicians take the steps in a hurry, by twos and threes, so they tend to wind up at their level of extreme incompetence. (Art Grinath)

The Clockface Correlation: Someone’s age can be estimated by how quickly that person can read an analog timepiece. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

The Placard Postulate: A spelling or grammatical error in any protest sign immediately invalidates the message. (Jeff Contompasis)

Toobin’s Law of Zoom Self-gratification: Don’t. (Stu Segal)

And Last: The Grandpa the Cat Law: The more masculine the name you choose for a stray cat, the more likely “he” is to give birth at your home. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

And Even Laster: The Invitational entry you decide isn’t good enough to submit will get ink for someone else. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore; Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

The headline “Mad Maxims” is by Jesse Frankovich; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Jan. 10, at 9 p.m. ET: Our annual contest for humorous poems about people who died in the past year. Click below for details.


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