The Invitational Week 156: Lay Down a Law
Make up a new ‘law’ like Godwin's Law — and Godwin Himself is helping us judge. Plus new gems from 21 previous contests.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Dec 26, 2025


Jonathan Jensen’s video — it begins, “Go to sleep, you weary bozo” — gets ink in this week’s Invitational results. More parodies, plus fresh material from a passel of earlier contests, are below.

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Hello. We hope your holidays went great.

The idea for today’s new contest arose three weeks ago, after The Gene Pool officially declared that Godwin’s Law had died. This was because of the Trump regime’s new “National Security Strategy of the United States of America,” which was inarguably fascist in content, and demanding of criticism as such.

Godwin’s Law is that famous adage written 35 years ago by attorney, editor, author, and Internet pioneer Mike Godwin. It is generally thought of as the prototype “meme.” It says, in summary:

As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1. The person who first mentions Nazis or Hitler loses the argument.

Just hours after publication, we heard from Mr. Godwin himself, simply noting, modestly, that he himself is still alive. We thanked him for his attention to this matter, and got to chatting, and, voilà:

We decided to run a new contest to create a funny new adage for modern times, à la Godwin’s Law. And Godwin graciously agreed to become a third judge of the entries.

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The Paradox of Bad Circumstances: Something bad will always happen to someone else. However, we are all someone elses to someone else. (Bill Glassbrook)

Boyle's Conundrum: Like it or not, America is inching toward the metric system. (Charles P. Boyle)

The Law of Imitation: It's not plagiarism if you would have said it the same way had you said it first. (Peter Orazem)

For Invitational Week 156: Create a funny new “law” to describe some aspect of our lives, as in the examples above, chosen from a long-ago Invitational contest (then inspired by “Murphy’s Law”). You don’t have to name your new law, but feel free to do so. (It can be about any aspect of modern life — it’s not limited to technology.

Entry deadline is Saturday, Jan. 3, 2026, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Jan. 8. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Formatting this week: It’s just our regular request to keep each of your entries to a single line (i.e., don’t push Enter before you finish that entry). Otherwise your entry will end up in two pieces that aren’t near each other on our list, and we’ll be even more confused than usual about whatever you sent us.

Click here for this week’s entry form or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-156.

This week’s winner receives an STD. Specifically, a cute giant (for a germ) plush human papilloma virus on a key chain. Donated by the 100 percent clean Dave Prevar.

HPV key chain
Dingdingding! We just finished looking up who’d written each of the inking entries below, and it turns out that we now have a new member of the Invitational Hall of Fame: With his two honorable mentions this week, Dave Prevar scored his 500th blot of Invite Ink since his debut a quarter-century ago, according to our contestants’ own obsessively maintained Loser Stats. We’ll “honor” Dave next month at the Losers’ Post-Holiday Party potluck/sing-along; if you’re reading this, you’re enough of a fan to be invited. Details at the bottom of the page at this link.

That’s Reenter-tainment: Our Kook’s Tour of 2025 contests, Part 1
In Invitational Week 154, we invited you to enter (or reenter) any of twenty-five contests from the first half of this year. Really, when back in February we referred to “the Trump Kennedy Center” in Week 111, even we didn’t think he’d actually call it that.

Third runner-up: From Week 108, combining new Congress members’ names to create “joint legislation”:
The Knott-Hurd-Jack Act to honor the career of House Speaker Mike Johnson. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Second runner-up: From Week 107, sentences featuring words or phrases that are anagrams of each other:
Are you the kind of fan whose SUPER BOWL PARTIES serve BRIE PLUS PATE ROWS? Or do you SLURP BREW & OPIATES? (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

First runner-up: From Week 121, songs about the news:
“The Donald’s Lullaby,” the video at the top of this page (written and performed by Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore; video editing by Vanessa Kinzey)

And the winner of the fingernail covers that look like sneakers:
From Week 125, telling “air quotes” within other words
E“verythin”g: What a runway model avoids eating. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Rebooty Call: Honorable mentions
Week 105, poems about people who died in 2024:
Kenneth Eugene Smith (1965-2024), executed after conviction for murder-for-hire
In Alabama, back in ’88,
He did an evil thing that sealed his fate.
A preacher paid him off to take a life;
What made it worse: it was the preacher’s wife.
The deed was done; the hitman was arrested
And sent to prison (could have been molested... ).
He cooled his heels for decades on death row,
But crimes have consequences, as you know.
In ’24 they finally iced the villain.
(As some say in the South: “He needed killin.’ ”)
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Week 106, an “eighth dwarf” à la “Snow White”
Stormy admits this isn’t her first time with seven men.
(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Week 107, sentences containing words or phrases that are anagrams of each other:
THE WHITE HOUSE BALLROOM—
Will it be HUMBLE? OH, A LOT OTHERWISE.
It’ll be a SHOWIER ALL-OUT BEHEMOTH!
(OH, USE THE LOO WITH MARBLE.)
HELLO, U.S.A.! BOW TO HIM THERE!
(five-count-’em-five anagrams, all using the same letters, by Jesse Frankovich)

Everyone is soooo impressed that ELEVEN PLUS TWO equals TWELVE PLUS ONE, but when I point out that they both equal TEN PLUS EEL VOW, suddenly I’m the weird one! (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines, Iowa)

J6 insurrectionist ENRICO TARRIO’s upcoming autobiography should be called “I, A TERROR ICON.” (Chris Doyle, Warminster, Pa.)

STEPHEN MILLER’S reply in the afterlife to “Who are you?” will be “I’M HELL’S SERPENT.” (Chris Doyle)

Week 109, use words from Trump’s 2025 inaugural address to make an “alternagural address”:
“You have to take responsibility for your choice in life. Not me — I have to take all your money. Who is going to challenge me? My Cabinet? Thune? Speaker Johnson? As if! The Supreme Court is behind me, so forget about it!
“I know, right here is where you want me to say, “Live from New York …” — but this is our reality.” (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

“Most of what I will do will be horrible, disastrous, catastrophic, and illegal. I will try to put all that on Biden, Harris, and Obama. Will that make any sense? No. Will people buy it? Also no. Will I say it even so? Better believe it.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Week 110, “Balliol rhymes”
I’m Donald Trump, your favorite prez,
And not, as everybody says,
A narcissitistic vile maligner …
TDS just killed Rob Reiner! (Chris Doyle)

RFK Jr.
I guess you’ve heard: I’m anti-vax;
I’ll (prob’ly) keep you safe — relax!
Did you catch my motto: MAHA?
What else might you be catching? Ha-ha! (Beverley Sharp)

Week 111, Ask Backwards: We give the “answers”; you give the questions
A. Coming soon to the Trump Kennedy Center!
Q. Did you hear that Barron is learning to play the bagpipes? (Pam Shermeyer)

A. Coming soon to the Trump Kennedy Center!
Q. What is “More Miserables”? (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

A. No more than an inch or two.
Q. What is bad advice for a mohel in training? (Judy Freed, Philadelphia)

A. Two bedrooms, eight baths.
Q. What came with Ghislaine Maxwell’s federal prison cell? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

A. It’s not you, it’s the muskrat.
Q. What was the Captain & Tennille’s only breakup song? (Jon Gearhart)

Week 112, “Ask Mister Language Person” a la Dave Barry:
Q. Why do so many talking heads pronounce “fentanyl” as “fentanol” and not “fentanil”?
A. Maybe they’re high on alcohil. (Chris Doyle)

Q. How do you use a diaeresis to indicate that a vowel begins a separate syllable?
A. “Noël didn’t reënter Zoë’s and Chloë’s seänce with the Brontës, fearing he’d have to rush to the bathroom with a reëmergence of his diaeresis.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Week 114, create a word containing the letter block DOGE in any order:
JOBBLEDEGOOK: The HR paperwork you’re supposed to read and sign on Day 1. (Pam Shermeyer)

CODGEPODGE: The U.S. Senate, mostly. (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

HODEGA: A corner store that provides “extra” services. (Neil Kurland)

OGDEN NOSH: He wrote “Candy is dandy, but a deli fills your belly.” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

FARTFUL CODGER: Isn’t that redundant? (Chris Doyle)

Week 115, something that could be said in two given situations:
At the beach and in the Oval Office: “You’re right—it’s a great fancy castle. You’re such a big boy!” (Leif Picoult)

In bed and in the Oval Office: Would you stop snoring! (Dan Helming, Conshohocken, Pa.)

In Canada and on the toilet: Can you believe that huge turd down there? (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

Week 116, construct something using real food:


^ Starch Madness: Play your guts out, team! (Kevin Dopart, using potatoes; Cheerios and cloves for the eyes; frosting mouth; pasta arms and feet; bran flake hands; potato-guts basketball)

Week 118, words to fit the partially filled-in crossword we supplied
DRUNCH: Sunday mid-morning meal at Pete Hegseth’s. (Frank Osen)

Week 119: We simply provided a white space bordered by a black rectangle, with no further instructions.
Egg (Mercator projection) (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)

This contest in anagram form: JUST EMPTINESS = I MUST PEN JESTS! (Jesse Frankovich)

Week 120, “breed” the names of two Triple Crown-nominated racehorses and name the “foal”:
Crab Daddy x Handsome Pants = Jumbo Lump (Neil Kurland)

Chunk of Gold x Rapture = Au God (Larry Rifkin, Glastonbury, Conn.)

Rapture x Ripped = Rupture (Duncan Stevens)

Foals: Ripped x Big Boat = A Hunky Dory (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Touchy x Passion Rules = Feely (Jonathan Jensen)

What Me Worry x Scorching = Alfred E. Nukin’ (Jonathan Jensen)

Week 121, song lyrics about the news


^ Epstein Pal’s Christmas Wish (written and performed by Ray Keaney, Arlington, Va., a First Offender)

To “My Favorite Things”:
The most gorgeous plans that my Sharpie could sketch up!
Gold-plated walls on which I can throw ketchup!
Huge chandeliers where Ivanka can swing,
These are my views for the greatest East Wing!

Skylights that welcome a view up to heaven.
Six stories high, what the hell, make it seven!
Let’s add a stage where my White pals can sing,
All about my great big beautiful wing!

I don’t care if my erection
Makes the liberals squirm
The ballroom will be a done deal for sure
Beginning with my third term.
(Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

We don’t have the space here to share some more super-inkworthy song parodies, so we’ve put them, along with the lyrics to the videos above, on this separate page.

More song parodies from
Week 154 of The Invitational
The Invitational’s Week 154 contest allowed readers to enter any (or all!) of 25 varied humor/wordplay contests that ran in the first half of 2025. One of those contests was for songs about the news – and we received so many good ones that if we gave even a few of them their due, there wouldn’t have been room for the dozens of other jokes, poems, new words, etc. (See the results here, including two song parody videos and one set of lyrics.)

But we really wanted to share with song parody fans these honorable mentions. Click on the links included with the songs to hear the melody of the original so you can sing the new words. (Sing out!)


He Wants a Nobel
^Click above to see Judy Freed sing her song
(to "If I Were a Bell" from "Guys and Dolls")

Ask him how does he feel, and he'll say he's the greatest of great ones!
Get him talking of war, and he'll proudly declare he's stopped eight ones!
Hear him brag about bringing peace where so many have tried and failed. Oy, his fantasies never cease. When he talks, all our brains get derailed.

Ask him how does he feel when he doesn't get something he's craving.
He'll deliver a speech — twenty minutes of ranting and raving.
What a shame he can't make us buy all of his lies.
Well, he wants a Nobel, but he'll take a FIFA prize.

Ask him how does it feel when he's robbed of his moment of glory.
He'll start speaking of vipers and tell you some crazy-ass story.
He believes he is heaven-sent, though he's questioning if he'll return. Oy!
On flattery, he's hell-bent. And that's where he's more likely to burn.

Ask him how does he feel, and he'll tell you this whole thing has stumped him.
Can't imagine a woman has won, but Machado has trumped him.
When he needs to win some award, anything flies.
So, can't get a Nobel, but he'll take a FIFA prize.
(Judy Freed, Philadelphia)

Have Yourself a Merry MAGA Christmas
(To “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”)
Have yourself a merry MAGA Christmas,
No toys here in sight,
Santa had no stomach for a tariff fight.
Have yourself a merry MAGA Christmas,
Prices way up high,
Nothing left affordable for you to buy.
Presents piled underneath the tree?
In all honesty, no dice.
Though you crave Yuletide bonhomie,
There’s a catch, you see .. the price!
So have yourself a merry MAGA Christmas,
Here’s the secret how,
Just pretend that poverty’s your solemn vow,
And have yourself a merry MAGA Chirstmas now.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Can You Feel the Cuts Tonight
(to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight")
There's a swift surrender
To the rush of dough
When the chain of a power saw
Ends the funding flow.
An eccentric mogul
Wields the vicious tool;
It's a blast for this rich disruptor
Doing deeds so cruel.
And can you feel the cuts tonight?
This is where we are.
If your job's in the federal government,
Kiss it au revoir.
And can you feel the cuts tonight?
Many folks are stressed.
It's because a king-like vagabond
Believes he is the best.
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Two Dolls
(To "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")
Two dolls you may obtain, dear;
More than that we can't afford.
Budget went down the drain, dear,
When the Trumpers came aboard.
Sorry, we must abstain, dear,
See the racks of empty shelves?
Herr Fuhrer's comeback reign, dear,
Laid off all of Santa's elves.
Guess our Christmas got the heave.
"Liberation Day":
Donald, with his skin so orange,
Slammed the gate and froze the door-hinge.
Kindly do not complain, dear,
At this new austerity,
Must live with tariff "pain," dear,
For another year or three.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)


Populist (sung by Trump)
(To “Popular” from “Wicked”)
Populist!
I'll make you a populist!
I'll teach you the things to think (though they tend to stink),
And those Democrats we'll trounce;
I'll tell you what gets my goat, and which way to vote--
Everything that really counts
To be populist;
I'll help you be populist!
You'll hang with the right-wing types, you'll adopt their gripes,
Know the lies you've got to know;
So let's start, 'cause midterms are not a long way to go!
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)


RFK Jr. Plays Doctor
(To “Be Our Guest” from “Beauty and the Beast”)
Feeling stressed? Can't digest?
Are you often quite depressed?
I'm in charge of this Department, so OF COURSE I know what's best!
Baby's sick? Looking green?
Did you give him THAT VACCINE?
(Though he coughs and whoops and fusses, it just COULDN'T be pertussis...).

You've got spots that are red,
And they've multiplied, you said?
Wow, your fever's through the roof (that, I'll attest!);
Those measles shots are great,
(But, in YOUR case: TOO LATE!).
Second-best: I'd suggest:
Get some rest!
(Beverley Sharp)

I Enjoy Being a King .
(To “I Enjoy Being a Girl” from “Flower Drum Song”)

Since I have a brand new ballroom
And a Veep who will kiss my ring,
I piss off those Dems (they all fume!);
I enjoy being a king!

When I put the screws to China
And our stock market soars (ka-ching!),
No feeling on Earth is finah--
I enjoy being a king!

My rule's absolute; so can your ranting!
Face facts: your democracy is dead!
And soon, I'll be looking quite enchanting
With a diamond-and-ruby crown upon my head!

I'm strictly a loyal royal,
And my subjects will always be
In their homes warmed by coal and oil!
Wow, they'll bow-- even kowtow!-- to their new king: that's ME!
(Beverley Sharp)


These are lyrics to videos that appeared in this week’s main Invitational results.

The lyrics to The Donald’s Lullaby (to the tune of “The Hobo’s Lullaby”)
Written and performed by Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore; video production by Vanessa Kinzey
Go to sleep, you weary bozo,
Let your dazzle slowly die.
Your approval rating’s falling:
That’s the Donald’s Lullaby.

You’re up at midnight madly tweeting
Rage, conspiracies and lies.
Now you’re at a boring meeting,
Go ahead and close your eyes.

I know reporters cause you trouble,
They cause trouble everywhere.
When at last you go to prison
Won’t be no reporters there.

I know Melania wants to leave you,
She lost interest long ago.
Just keep slipping her that money -
She’ll stay with you just for show.

Go to sleep, you weary bozo,
Let your dazzle slowly die.
Your approval rating’s falling:
That’s the Donald’s lullaby.
Your regime is just appalling:
That’s the Donald’s lullaby.


The lyrics to Epstein Pal’s Christmas Wish
(To “All I Want for Christmas Is You”)
Written and performed by Ray Keaney, Arlington, Va.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I would say
I would like a trophy baby
Right beside me on display

Someone maybe 17, we could be a perfect team
What's a guy to do?
Please make my dream for Christmas come true

Yes I have a lot of money
More is not what I would need,
But I could use a younger honey
That's a truth I will concede
Maybe under 17, hook up in the Carribean –
Jeffrey please come through,
And make my dream for Christmas come true

I don't have a use for Santa,
He can't bring me what I seek
Jeffrey can deliver magic
To a man who is a geek
My new girl is 17
Feels like I am in a dream
Epstein, it was you
Who made my dream for Christmas come true

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Week 122, “breed” two inking names from Week 120 to make a “grandfoal”
OreckOfTheHesperus x If I Only HadABra = She’sGonnaCupsize! (Jonathan Paul)

Point of Ordure x Gilty = The Offal Office (Jonathan Paul)

Touché x Baptismal Font = Well Prayed, Sir (Leif Picoult)

Manifest Density x Carb Daddy = GrowWaistYoungMan (Kevin Dopart)

Week 123, retranslate a common abbreviation
BOP (Bureau of Prisons): Buying Our Pardons (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

BRB: Bathroom Really Beckoning (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Week 124, “What if …”
What if RFK Jr. hadn’t been dropped on his head as a child? There would be more roadkill for the rest of us. (Lee Graham, Columbia, S.C.)

What if humans reproduced asexually? When perturbed they would say, “What the actual parthenogenesis?” (Jonathan Paul)

What if Donald Trump wrote “Man of La Mancha?” Then, not only would Don Quixote be tilting at those noisy windmills, he’d also go after those toilets that you have to flush three or four times. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

What if the passengers of United 93, despite their best efforts, had not been able to stop the terrorists and the plane had crashed into the East Wing of The White House, but it had been rebuilt as a memorial to the bravery and sacrifice of everyday Americans? Trump still would have torn it down to make room for his ballroom. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

Week 125, telling “air quotes” within other words
Monu“me”nts: For Trump, the White House ballroom, the Kennedy Center, the Peace Institute, the Commanders’ stadium … (Neil Kurland)

K“AF”ka: How weird is it to wake up transformed into a cockroach? (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

The“odor”e Roosevelt: The president who spoke softly but carried a big stink. (Kevin Dopart)

Thir“D T”erm: Of course I get one. (William Kennard)

Week 126, choose a sentence and follow it with a question it could answer:
A. Time magazine named ‘The Architects of AI’ the 2025 Person of the Year.
Q. “How do you know that AI was used to select Time magazine’s 2025 Person of the Year?” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

A. I don’t have any idea what’s going on, either.
Q. Speaker Johnson, does the President have NO idea what’s going on in the lives of ordinary Americans? (Dave Prevar)

Week 127, poems featuring words from this year’s National Spelling Bee
Endarterectomy (removal of plaque from blood vessels):
Artery-dartery,
Life is extended with
Endarterectomies
Cleaning out plaque.
Sometimes it seems, when I’m
Doomscrolleriferous,
I should request that they
Put the stuff back.”
(Duncan Stevens)

Timbre (pronounced “tamb,”), character of musical tone:
The opera comp’ny didn’t like my timbre —
For tones like mine they do not give a dimbre.
“Forget it, dude,” they said. “Aloha! Scrimbre!”
Thus, looking for a singing gig I imbre.
(Duncan Stevens)

And Last: Week 124, “What if…” What if Your Mama were an intelligent, good-looking, svelte, monogamous woman? The Invitational would have missed out on roughly 200 jokes about her. (Jon Gearhart)

The headline “That’s Reenter-tainment” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Dec. 27, at 9 p.m. ET: Part 2 of this year’s retrospective, with a chance to enter (or reenter) contests from the past six months. For details, click on the link below.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Bill Glassbrook; Charles P. Boyle; Peter Orazem)
Judging: ()
Title: (Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!