The Invitational Week 149: Moon Us
Plus winning epitaphs for the not-dead-yet.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Nov 06, 2025
Hello.
Today, we’re going back to the moon — because America is, too, for the first time in 55 years.
NASA has announced a “mid-2027” flight of Artemis III, a four-person spacecraft that will drop two of its astronauts to the moon’s surface for about a week’s stay.
We’re giving it about a week, too. You have about that time to complete this line for Invitational Week 149: “If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we ….”
Like the moon landings, this contest is also near-ancient history — we did it exactly once before, in 1993, in Week 4 of The Style Invitational, in our still-infant WaPo days.
Here were some of the inking entries:
“. . . figure out how to walk a cat?” (Stu Segal)
“. . . offer sea monkeys as a low-fat alternative to chicken?” (Rich Stone)
“. . . put an end to the tragic heartbreak of involuntary ‘nose whistle’?” (Felix McBundy)
“. . . put toilets in cars?” (Gynny Katon)
And this one, from a later, marginally related contest: “If NASA could put a man on the moon, why couldn’t they make a better fake orange juice than Tang?” (Rob Huffman)
So that’s your challenge for this week: Complete the sentence.
The world, and The Invitational, have changed dramatically since 1993; we expect that your entries will lean more political and more timely, but we do not require that. As always, we do require funny.
Entry deadline is Saturday, Nov. 15, 2025, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Nov. 20. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.
Formatting this week: It’s just our usual request to write each entry as one single line (i.e., don’t push Enter until you’re ready for your next entry).
Click here for this week’s entry form or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-149.
(Note: If you are reading this in an email, please click on the headline at the top of the page to get an updated version of The Gene Pool online, with any amendments, emendations, etc. made after the email was sent.)
This week’s winner receives a genuine ancient relic: It’s a prize coffee mug from our previous incarnation as The Washington Post’s Style Invitational; printed in 2021 and designed by our longtime artist Bob Staake, it was one of our final prizes created for Invite runners-up. Despite the confusing product directions, it works pretty much like your standard un-arrowed coffee mug.
Grave Mockers: Winning epitaphs for still-living people
In Invitational Week 147 we asked for a line for the future tombstone of any still-living person. Many of you — there were more than seven hundred entries in all — offered “Here Lies Donald Trump,” “Here Lies Karoline Leavitt,” “Here Lies George Santos,” etc.
Third runner-up:
Karoline Leavitt: Donald Trump Murdered Me, Which Just Shows What a Strong and Powerful Leader He Is
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Second runner-up:
Mohammed bin Salman: May He Rest In Pieces (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece; Mark Raffman, on vacation in Rockaway, N.J.))
First runner-up:
The Dalai Lama: brb (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati)
And the winner of the porta-potty-motif shot glasses:
BILL GATES’S TOMBSTONE
[picture of tombstone with a "blue screen of death"]
^ (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
Fails from the Crypt: Honorable mentions
Andrew Cuomo: If You Stood Over Here, I Could See Up Your Skirt (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Dead From New York, It’s … Lorne Michaels! (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Dan Snyder: Here’s another thing I ran into the ground. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
Jeff Bezos:
Amazon Founder
Owned the
Continue reading for just $4.99
(Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
Bob Weir: Joined the Dead in 1965, and again in 2035 (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)
Clint Eastwood: Dirt Harry (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)
Mel Brooks: 1926-3927 (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)
Donald Trump: I have the Best Gravestone — No One Has ever Seen One Like This (Carol McDonald, Fort McCoy, Fla., a First Offender)
Chuck Schumer: No Continuing Resolution (Mark Raffman)
Dustin Hoffman: I’m lyin’ here! (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines; Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)
George Santos: I’m still alive! (Mark Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)
Bruce Willis: NOW I see them! (Steve Smith)
[Picture of red fire hydrant with yellow "Michael Vick" sign on it]
^ (Mike Ostapiej, Charleston, S.C.)
Kamala Devi Harris
President of the United States
(Acting)
11/19/2021
10:10 a.m. -11:35 a.m.
During Biden’s Colonoscopy
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Giannis Antetokounmpo: The Buck stopped here. (Chris Doyle)
Alex Ovechkin: The puck stops here. (Chris Doyle)
Gordon Sumner: 1 Corinthians 15:55 (Daniel Galef)
Jayden Daniels: Questionable to Return (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
John Cleese: Dead. Deceased. No longer living. Kicked the bucket. An ex-comedian. (Daniel Galef)
Kerry Livgren: Carrion Wayward Son (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Lewis Black: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
Martin Shkreli: Bought the Pharma (Daniel Galef)
Melania Trump: Beats Sleeping With My Husband (Leif Picoult)
Melania Trump: I Better Not Be on a Golf Course (LK Peterson, Brooklyn, N.Y.; Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)
Michelle Obama: I’ve Gone Low (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)
Mike Johnson: I Don’t Know Anything About This (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Pete Hegseth: Secretary of Was (Art Grinath)
Ron Jeremy: So Long (Jeff Contompasis)
Skrilla: 6-7 Under (Dave Prevar; Chris Doyle)
Stephen Miller Is Away From His Crypt but Will Return Before Dawn (Mark Raffman)
Stephen Miller: Yes, We Put a Stake Through His Heart Just to Be Sure (LK Peterson)
Teller:
(Elliott Shevin, Efrat, West Bank; Rob Cohen)
The headline “Grave Mockers” is by Tom Witte; Jon Gearhart wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.
Still running — deadline Saturday, Nov. 15, at 9 p.m. ET: Our annual contest to make new words out of ScrabbleGrams letter “racks.” Click below for details.
InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Stu Segal; Rich Stone; Felix McBundy; Gynny Katon; Rob Huffman)
Judging: ()
Title: (Tom Witte)
Subhead: (Jon Gearhart)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!