The Invitational Week 143: Give Us a Few Dozen Igs
Propose an Ig Nobel-worthy study. Plus winning Ask Backwards questions.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Sep 25, 2025

A black-and-white striped cattle. The study showed such cows had about half the number of fly landings compared with other control groups, and also performed fewer avoidance movements, suggesting reduced stress. Photo: Handout
If zebras don’t get bitten by flies, would zebra-striped cows get bitten by flies? Read on. (Photo: Tomoki Kojima et al., 2019, PLoS One)
Hello.

What we have here, once again — we’re on a roll — is a brand-new, never-done-it Invitational contest. This one is based on last week’s 35th First Annual Ig Nobel Prizes, the semi-serious, pseudo-intellectual, oddly compelling awards given out by the scientific humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research. It goes to scientific researchers who have succeeded in “making people laugh, then think.”

This year’s winners include a real study by Japanese researchers into whether painting cows like zebras (see above) might reduce how much they are tormented by flies, insects that tends to leave zebras alone. The paint job worked! The researchers aren’t exactly sure why! They are still noodling with it!

Among the other winners were studies of whether eating Teflon from nonstick frying pans is a good, safe way to increase food volume, and hence satiety, without increasing calorie content (yes, apparently); whether the use of shoe racks can contribute to uniformly smelly shoes (it can); and whether ingesting alcohol can impair the echolocation abilities of bats (yes, it also can — and the scientists, somewhat lamely, assure us this “sheds light on evolutionary pressures”). Some of these studies actually have practical applications! Most of the winners include methodological information.

So that’s our contest.

Thesis: Will women respond positively to little kissy noises delivered by men at public malls?
Methodology: We assigned males to administer little kissy noises in the direction of women at public malls. Experiment was curtailed early due to injuries, but preliminary indications were that this is not a successful courtship strategy.

Thesis: Might Tylenol cause autism?
Methodology: Yes, it does. — R.F. Kennedy Jr., Washington, D.C.

For Invitational Week 143: Propose a scientific study that would be worthy of an Ig Nobel Prize, as in the examples above. A humorous way to test the hypothesis is very welcome but not required; include results if applicable.

Don’t write a long, detailed proposal; keep it to no more than a few sentences.

The study should be applicable to any of the Nobel fields: Peace; Literature; Physics; Physiology or Medicine; Chemistry; or Economics. We’ll be generous in the scope of these categories; for example, we declare Human Behavior to fall under Physiology.

Formatting this week: Just our usual request to write each entry as one long line (i.e., don’t press Enter until you’re ready to type your next entry).

Deadline is Saturday, Oct. 4, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 9. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-143.

(Note: If you are reading this in an email, please click on the headline at the top of the page to get an updated version of The Gene Pool online, with any amendments, emendations, etc. made after the email was sent. And with the elaborate real-time Qs and A’s at the bottom)

This week’s winner receives this eminently useful yet très chic bathroom accessory. Donated (unused) by Loser Steve Smith.


Well, each week The Invitational gives crap. Does that count?
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

The Inquisitional: Ask Backwards winners from Week 141
In Invitational Week 141, we presented once again (that’d be the 44th “once again”) a list of odd phrases as “answers” and asked you to supply the questions.

Third runner-up:
A. A French fry and a French kiss.
Q. What might Donald Trump proudly serve you, whether or not you actually want it? (Judy Freed, Philadelphia)

Second runner-up:
A. Karoline Leavitt’s lectern.
Q. Where can one hide a wee nip o’ Kool-Aid? (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

First runner-up:
A. The first thing RFK Jr. does in the morning.
Q. What are fifty don’t-know squats? (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

And the winner of the Savannah Bananas hat:
A. One of those thin eyeglass-cleaning wipes.
Q. What do they use as a towel at the ICE detention center? (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Ask Naught: Honorable mentions
Athos, Porthos, and Stanley Rosenblatt
Who are Musketeers of the Guard and the Accountant of Monte Cristo? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

What law firm’s tagline is “All for one, one for all, and no partner is personally liable for the professional negligence or malpractice of another partner?” (John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.)

Who offers their professional services through Deloitte & Touché? (Jeff Contompasis)

Bunny Rabbit Alcatraz
What term did I get fired for using when I worked at the petting zoo? (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Where was Ghislaine Maxwell sent when the DOJ realized all of the suites at Kittens and Puppies Alcatraz were occupied? (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

Where might you get shivved with a sharpened carrot? (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

What is the escape-proof penitentiary on Easter Island? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Kevin Dopart)

What name did women employees have for the Playboy Mansion? (John Conti)

From where did Hare E. Houdini escape? (Jesse Frankovich)

Eeny meeny miney moan
What is the sound of a toe enthusiast’s orgasm? (David Firstman, Forest Hills,

N.Y., aptly a First OSteve Smithffender)

Karoline Leavitt’s lectern
What is literally a bully’s pulpit? (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

What do White House reporters refer to as the “bullshit pulpit”? (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

What can withstand the heat of flaming pants? (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

What’s the only thing in the White House press apparatus that doesn’t spin? (Mike Gips)

One of those thin eyeglass-cleaning wipes
What did you use on your eyeglasses that made them so dirty and smudged? (Jon Cannon, Potomac, Md.)

What’s the only thing thinner than Trump’s skin? (Deb Stewart)

Only the Pope and Captain Underpants
Other than Klansmen, who can wear white after Labor Day without embarrassment? (Kevin Dopart)

Who hasn’t Yo Mama slept with? (Howard Ausden, Damascus, Md.)

A joke told by an American comedian at the Riyadh Comedy Festival
What is “Women drivers … am I right?” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

What is “Take my wives, please”? (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio; Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.; Jonathan Paul)

What is “I love how progressive Saudi Arabia is these days. Take, for instance, the supportive slogan you have for women: We’ve Got You Covered”? (Leif Picoult)

What is “Is it true that bicycle thieves here all eventually tell their mothers, ‘Look, Ma, no hands’?” (Chris Doyle)

What is “I really appreciate the freedoms here. I mean, hell, this morning I even walked to the market without showing my papers to the National Guard”? (Leif Picoult)

What is “Thanks for finally hosting me. I tried to perform here back on September 11, 2001, but you guys said you were busy”? (Leif Picoult)

What is “Why did the camel cross the road? Because it was Allah’s will!” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

What is “Here’s one: Saudi Arabia tried for a seat on the United Nations Human Rights Council. [Silence.] Well, I guess I’ll beheaded out now.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

What’s probably NOT “The Aristocrats”? (Tom Witte)

It’s coming to the top of the White House Christmas tree this year
What is the Star of Bedlam? (Frank Osen)

What’s in store for Jimmy Kimmel’s head? (Tom Witte)

What is a fake Nobel Peace Prize medal? (Duncan Stevens)

Has the Eye of Sauron moved? (Jeff Hazle)

Taylor Slowww
Who is engaged to a player from the Kansas City tai chi team? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Whose fiancé is a tight end for the Cleveland Browns? (Sam Mertens)

Who created the album “The Torpid Poets Department”? (Kevin Dopart)

Whose next set of concert dates will be called the Eons Tour? (Daniel Galef, Cincinnati; Tom Witte)

The first thing RFK Jr. does in the morning
What is to hide himself in a dark closet and eat a bowl of Froot Loops and Diet Coke? (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

What is gargle with water from the toilet? (Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va.)

What is his own research? (Duncan Stevens)

What is rub his face with baseball glove conditioner? (Jesse Frankovich)

The headline “The Inquisitional” is by Tom Witte; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Sept. 27, at 9 p.m. ET: Our contest to compare two words that differ by just one letter. Click below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Tom Witte)
Subhead: (Beverley Sharp)
Prize: (Steve Smith)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!