The Invitational Week 142: One Little Letter, One Big Difference
Compare two words that differ by one letter. Plus winning user reviews of toilet paper, circus peanuts, and more.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Sep 18, 2025

Wind up teeth... from ASI 85620 H M Schmidt Co Inc
We asked readers to review a case of 88 of these. See this week’s Invitational results below.
Hello.

What we have here is something of a miracle. After 32 years, we have invented what we believe to be a brand-new, never-done-before Invitational wordplay contest. And it is breathtakingly simple.

For Invitational Week 142: (1) Take any real word, name, common acronym, or short phrase. Keep all of its letters in the same order, but add or subtract one single letter somewhere, to produce another real term. And (2) then tell us, humorously, the similarity, difference, or other link between the two. Like these!

Smile: I like you. Simile: I am like you.

Pens and penis:
After snowfall or on sheets
By day or by night
Both of these things
Can be used to write.

BFF and boff: Best and bestest.

Formatting this week: Just our usual request to write each entry as one long line (i.e., don’t press Enter until you’re ready to type your next entry). Even if you’re inspired to write a poem as the Czar did above, still do it as one line with slashes indicating the line breaks.

Deadline is Saturday, Sept. 27, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 2. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-142a.

(Note: If you are reading this in an email, please click on the headline at the top of the page to get an updated version of The Gene Pool online, with any amendments, emendations, etc. made after the email was sent.)

This week’s winner receives some fine porcelain jewelry.

Potties have never been so porta-.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Consumer Retorts: Product reviews from Week 140
In Invitational Week 140 we listed various boring or oddball products available online and asked for comical user reviews. A deadly number of y’all rated the black plastic garbage bags for their excellent/inadequate performance in corpse disposal.

Third runner-up:
Trojan Pleasure Pack assorted condoms value pack, 36 count
Not very pleasurable, actually. Once I had all 36 on, I couldn’t feel anything.
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Second runner-up:
Great Value Soft & Strong Premium Toilet Paper, 12 Mega Rolls
VERY disappointed. NO INSTRUCTIONS ANYWHERE?!?
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

First runner-up: Ape-face T-shirt:


And the winner of the ape-face shirt above:
Eyelash curler with comb and five replacement pads:
Are “off label” uses allowed? I found this product very useful as a forceps to deliver baby hamsters. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Damned With Faint Prose: Honorable mentions
55-gallon black trash bags, pack of 60
I’ve had it with the white ones — finally, a ghost costume that looks like me! Five stars! (Dan Helming, Conshohocken, Pa.)

Everyone should use this quality item, made from a very strong, substantial plastic. I wouldn’t be surprised if these bags lasted 1,000 years without decaying. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Very handy! Hauling migrants to detention centers in buses was far too dignified. — K. Noem, Washington (Duncan Stevens)

My assistant purchased these bags on a recent trip to Alaska. While they accommodated a large volume of waste, their lack of added scent made for a long plane ride home to Moscow. — V.P. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Make sure you read the description carefully! I clicked too fast and thought I was getting 55 60-gallon trash bags and was devastated when 60 55-gallon trash bags arrived instead. What am I supposed to do with these? (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

20-pound case of circus peanuts candies in “rainbow colors,” about 58 per pound
These make great elephant bait! — Don Jr. & Eric (Jesse Frankovich)

“Store at room temperature for up to 1 year”? But I want ’em NOW! (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

I fed these to my elephant, and now he has diabetes. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

Rainbow colors? These are illegal. I don’t want to support something that is against our President’s laws. — Name withheld, College Station, Tex. (Steve Smith)

I was amazed that these didn’t trigger my mother-in-law’s peanut allergy — I want a refund. (Sam Mertens)

We bought this package five years ago, thinking we wouldn’t have to shop for Halloween candy again — and were we right! For the last couple of years no trick-or-treaters have shown up at our door. (Jonathan Jensen)

Hello? I can’t get the shells off! It’s like they’re glued on or something! (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; Sam Mertens)

Pink cake container/transporter
I’m very particular about using public men’s rooms. This container is ideal for carrying my own pink urinal cakes in case I have to avail myself of the facilities at bars, restaurants, or sporting events. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

This 26 cm x 22.5 cm cake transporter didn’t work for me because all my recipes are for 26.1 cm x 22.6 cm cakes. (Duncan Stevens)

Works great when you want to deliver your son’s head to your wife on her birthday. — Ptolemy VIII (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

My cake said it was very stuffy in there. (Mark Raffman)

Case of 88 wind-up chattering-teeth toys
I got these for the boys in the high school health class I teach, for the unit on oral sex. My hope is they’ll be a lot less likely to pressure girls into anything they’re not ready for. (Sam Mertens)

It’s pretty dumb not to include any versions with wisdom teeth. I had to have all four stars for this review removed. (Kevin Dopart)

We use these at the senior living center to pre-chew the food for our older residents. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Bad Piggies unisex flip-flops
I like my flip-flops the way I like my Secretaries of War: thick yet lightweight. These are perfect.” — KingDJT (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Bad Piggies look like an awesome product. I wish they’d make a kosher version. (Mark Raffman)

UNISEX flip-flops? Flip-flops should stick to the SEX ASSIGNED AT BIRTH! Stay OUT of my bathroom, flip-flops! (Duncan Stevens)

I like them overall, but I have a beef with the so-called anti-slip design. I covered my kitchen floor with butter, grease, and marbles—you know, the usual flip-flop test—and I was falling all over the place! I mean, don’t call them “anti-slip” if they are not, in fact, anti-slip. Yeesh! Three stars. (Leif Picoult)

Eyelash curler with comb and five replacement pads
I was happy to see that it works with all eye types, because it can be hard to find things for my compound fly eyes. (Jesse Frankovich)

Trojan Pleasure Pack assorted condoms value pack, 36 count
Trojan Pleasure Pack assorted condoms value pack, 36 count: Why on earth do these things have an expiration date?!? I do NOT need that kind of pressure! (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Great Value Soft & Strong Premium Toilet Paper, 12 Mega Rolls
It would save a lot on cardboard tubes if this came in just one giga-roll. (Jesse Frankovich)

Soft and Strong, my ass! (So to speak, LOL.) This so-called “bath” tissue completely disintegrates in the tub. One star. (Jonathan Jensen)

The headline “Consumer Retorts” is by Stuart Anderson; Neil Kurland wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Sept. 20, at 9 p.m. ET: Our Ask Backwards contest, in which we give the “answers” and you give the questions. Click below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
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Title: (Stuart Anderson)
Subhead: (Neil Kurland)
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