The Invitational Week 141: Ask Backwards XLV
We answer, you question. Plus winning obits for Mr. Peanut and other fictional characters.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Sep 11, 2025
Mr. Peanut
Mr. Peanut
Mr. Peanut
See the third runner-up in this week’s Invitational results. (The Daily Nebraskan)
Hello.
For those of you who don’t speak Roman, this is the forty-fifth iteration of our contest that’s sort of “Jeopardy!,” sort of Carnac the Magnificent:
For Invitational Week 141: Choose one of the “answers” below and follow it with a question it might humorously answer.
• Karoline Leavitt’s lectern
• A joke told by an American comedian at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
• Bunny Rabbit Alcatraz
• A French fry and a French kiss
• One of those thin eyeglass-cleaning wipes
• Eeny meeny miney moan
• The first thing RFK Jr. does in the morning
• Only the Pope and Captain Underpants
• Athos, Porthos, and Stanley Rosenblatt
• Sydney Sweeney’s genes
• Williams-Sonoma and Harley-Davidson
• It almost made it onto the Woke Cracker Barrel Menu
• Taylor Slowww
• It’s coming to the top of the White House Christmas tree this year
For your Guidance ’n’ Inspiration®, here are the top winners from our most recent AskBack contest (full results here):
A. Dame Agatha Christ. Q. Who said, “Forgive them for they know not whodunnit”?
(Jonathan Paul)
A. About 29. Q. How many of her lovers does Yo Mama need to ride a teeter-totter? (Jesse Frankovich)
A. Only men. Q. Who hears the words “I’m fine” and actually believes it? (Diana Oertel)
A. The official cocktail of the new administration. Q. What is Tequila Democracy? (Frank Osen)
Formatting this week: Write each “answer” followed by your question in the same line, as in the examples above. If you press Enter between your answer and your question, they’ll get separated and we’ll get confused and then we’ll get cranky and you don’t want cranky. So one line per entry.
Deadline is Saturday, Sept. 20, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Sept. 25. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.
Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-141.
(Note: If you are reading this in an email, please click on the headline at the top of the page to get an updated version of The Gene Pool online, with any amendments, emendations, etc. made after the email was sent.)
This week’s winner receives this hat celebrating the Savannah Bananas, who are sort of like the Harlem Globetrotters of baseball. They travel around the country, playing mostly other exhibition teams, in a madcap speeded-up game in which walks are seen as evil, players will sometimes bat while using 7-foot stilts, and “golden at-bats” are allowed, meaning if you are in a bases-loaded situation, you can bring your best batter to the plate, even if he’s, like, the runner on second.
To us, that mascot looks more like an enforcer-thug than a baseball player. This week’s prize.
Also, the team is likely to break into a spontaneous dance number. This one appears to be a lame kick-line. That’s the pitcher in the middle, in shit-kicker overalls.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.
Jest in Peace: Winning obit lines for fictional characters
In Invitational Week 139 we asked you to give us a line from an obituary for some fictional character. Sooo many of you reported that Mr. James Bond did not stir.
Third runner-up:
Mr. Peanut died suddenly last Thursday. Doctors revealed he had developed adult-onset allergy to himself. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Second runner-up:
After a long battle with post-traumatic stress disorder, Kilroy is no longer here. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)
First runner-up:
Uncle Sam died yesterday following a nine-year battle with depression. (Rob Cohen)
And the winner of the Loser key chain custom-crafted in Namibia:
After a lengthy illness, Benjamin Button died yesterday at the age of 0. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Much Adieu About Nothing: Honorable mentions
It is with profound grief that we report the demise of Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch. There will be no burial, as it was decided that the body will be donated to pseudoscience. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Simon Legree guided his plantation through turbulent times with strength and determination, setting an example that today’s leaders have taken to heart. — From a new display in the National Museum of African American History (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Oy vey! Former “Coffee Talk” host Linda Richman has died from inflammation in her genechtagazoink. Donations in her memory may be made to the American Shpilkes Society. Shiva details TBA — no big whoop. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
M-I-C (won’t see him real soon) K-E-Y... Why? Because he was hit by a bus. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Ethan Hunt’s cremains will be placed in a ceramic urn and dropped from the top of the Empire State Building onto an eight-inch pillow; then juggled by a circus performer on a high wire over the Grand Canyon; sent through an auto plant’s metal-stamping line; and catapulted into Old Faithful, which will erupt and deliver the urn into the open tailgate of his hearse, unscathed. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
Jessica Fletcher, the celebrated mystery author, died last month at her home in Cabot Cove, Maine. The delay in reporting her death is being attributed to her having been the only surviving resident of her town. (Alan Clark, Vergennes, Vt., a First Offender)
Popeye:
He chewed on his pipe, did this lovable ham,
With antics and slang that were quaint.
Quite often he told us, “I yam what I yam.”
And now, well, he yain’t what he yain’t. (Duncan Stevens)
The Invisible Man has died. We think. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
The deployment of G.I. Joe to the District of Columbia ended in tragedy when he was struck by a flying sandwich. (Mark Raffman)
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt died in prison yesterday while serving a term of life imprisonment for identity theft. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)
Police conducting a welfare check discovered Miss Manners deceased at home with half a bottle of gin and a cigarette stub in her hand. Reportedly, her upcoming column advised her worldwide readers to “go f%$# yourselves.” (Dan Steinbrocker, Los Angeles)
Lord Voldemort:
He’s no more. Wizards, Muggles, come out to his wake!
Cue the funeral home and mortician.
What a shame! Had he lived, he was destined to take
A Trump admin Cabinet position. (Duncan Stevens)
A GoFundMe account has been started to cover Mr. Yossarian’s burial costs. His insurance company has denied all claims, saying he bought life insurance, not death insurance. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
Bambi: The service will be held Thursday at 2, accompanied by roast potatoes and a juniper-shallot reduction. (Mark Raffman)
Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the famous international supervillain, was recently assassinated by Her Majesty’s Secret Service for the eleventh time. (Jon Ketzner)
Humbert Humbert:
He claimed that she’d kindled his loins to a fire —
Lolita! Such lustful ado.
We’re guessing, perhaps, in a Stygian pyre,
The rest of him’s now burning too. (Duncan Stevens)
Father William of our local parish has passed away at age 97. In keeping with the wishes of the beloved though somewhat eccentric priest, he will be buried standing on his head in a vertical casket. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Mr. Godot was reported missing for several days and is presumed deceased. (Elliott Shevin, Efrat, West Bank)
The Slate Rock and Gravel Co. extends its deepest sympathies to the family of the late Fred Flintstone, who passed in a freak workplace accident when his bronto-crane chose an ill-timed moment to sit down. (Elliott Shevin)
Fredrick M. Flintstone of Bedrock, 37 years of age, died last Thursday when a giant meteor struck the planet, wiping out most large life forms. (Mark Raffman)
Big Guy, Strong Guy, known for tearfully thanking Donald Trump for something he hasn’t done, ceased to exist today when synaptic activity in the quadrant of Mr. Trump’s prefrontal cortex whence he came flickered out for the last time. (L.K. Peterson, Brooklyn, N.Y.)
In fatal contrast to the many accidents he staged for movies and TV, Wile E. Coyote was killed last week when a real anvil accidentally fell upon him. The coroner recorded the cause of death as acute irony. (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)
Like so many millions of Americans, President Pollyanna Whittier died in last week’s coordinated attacks by Russia, China, and North Korea. Her last words are reported to have been “Look on the bright side — there’ll be less traffic.” (Tom Witte)
Little Orphan Annie, of Manhattan, has died at Mount Sinai Hospital of complications from undergoing double corneal implants. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Marty McFly recently passed away 23 years from now. He will be buried last month. (Jon Ketzner)
Mr. Ed died of an ivermectin overdose during the covid pandemic. He was worm-free. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)
We are heartbroken to announce that Angus MacGyver was killed in a tragic accident involving his homemade experimental aircraft made from an old Maytag washtub and his wife’s well-used wand vibrator. NTSB investigators believe he could have repaired the aircraft mid-flight but for the lack of a Swiss Army knife. (Jon Ketzner)
Mr. Popper fed the pigeons in the park every day. Now he’ll be feeding the worms. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
Mrs. McCave is survived by her sons Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, and Dave. (Eric Nelkin)
Neighbors say that Mr. Methuselah’s last words were “You 890-year-old kids get off my lawn!” (Gary Crockett)
Newsman Phil Connors died while covering yesterday’s Groundhog Day celebration in Punxsutawney. Services will be held at tomorrow’s Groundhog Day celebration, and he will deliver the eulogy. (Frank Osen)
The 102-year-old E.I. MacDonald, after having a farm for many years, finally bought it. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
The famed lumberjack Paul Bunyan will be interred on September 12 at Bemidji Municpal Cemetery in Gravesites 106 through 115. (Mark Raffman)
Popeye the Sailor Man was killed in an altercation with his longtime nemesis, Bluto. His death is blamed on a malfunctioning can opener. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
The happy days of Arthur Fonzarelli came to an end yesterday when a shark jumped him. (Eric Nelkin)
The Tooth Fairy died yesterday of a severe case of measles she contracted while collecting teeth from several households in West Texas. (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)
We regret to report that Don Quixote of la Mancha drowned last week while tilting at an offshore wind turbine. (Chris Doyle)
Tom Swift was interred yesterday, but cryptically, no location was given. (Frank Osen)
Screen star Wile E. Coyote died for the 23rd time due to an unsurvivable fall, according to police. His agent refused to confirm the death, however, vowing that the persistent predator would be back on the air in time for Saturday morning cartoons. (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)
Porky Pig’s last words were … well, you know. (Mark Raffman)
The headline “Jest in Peace” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Jon Gearhart; Chris Doyle wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.
Still running — deadline Saturday, Sept. 13, at 9 p.m. ET: Our contest for funny user reviews of various products. Click below for details.
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Examples: (Jonathan Paul; Jesse Frankovich; Diana Oertel; Frank Osen)
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Subhead: (Chris Doyle)
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