The Invitational Week 138: Have a Cow
A brand-new contest in which you might have to count to 9, or 13 (or 28, or 41 ...). Plus winning limericks from this year's Limerixicon.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Aug 21, 2025


After bringing you more than 1,600 weekly contests over The Invitational’s current and former lives, we’re mighty tickled to introduce one that’s altogether new. It was suggested to us by Not Altogether New Dave Prevar, and it involves a numerical sequence called Narayana’s Cows, named for the famed 14th-century mathematician Dr. Cows.

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Similar to the Fibonacci sequence, the Narayana models a herd of cows in which a single cow has a calf every year, and then, at age 4, each of those calves calves a calf, and on and on. Mathy types can see the details here; for the rest of you, we’ll just give you the numbers below.

For Invitational Week 138: Create a poem or other witty writing in which the lines have EITHER this many words or syllables per line — as far (within reason) as you’d like to go in the sequence:
1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 13, 19, [and only in the case of stupendous brilliance and hilarity] 28, 41 … as in this example using the syllable count:

(1) Land
(1) for
(1) peace!
(2) Win-win!
(3) Vlad’s happy,
(4) I’ll get a Prize!
(6) The other guy? You know,
(9) Had he been nicer on that phone call …

We were able to find the sequence depicted musically, but until now, we hadn’t seen any poems. This might be the first! You may also include a short title in addition to the poem. Though the example above doesn’t rhyme, we tend to like rhyming poems.

Formatting this week: This week, do NOT write each entry as one long line, as we often ask in other contests; write the poem as you’d like to see it published. (Don’t include the number on each line, as we have it above, but make sure you count correctly.)

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 30, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Sept. 4. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-138.

This week’s winner receives the finest in table decor: a set of twelve spiked holders for bite-size food items such as cherry tomatoes, grapes, sheep eyeballs, etc. A little touch of picnic for that dining room buffet.


Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Aw, no.
“Howard Walderman, a daily practitioner of yoga for many years, has entered his final Final Relaxation (Savasana), appropriately referred to as ‘the corpse pose.’ ”

That’s the first line of Howard’s self-penned obit, which he laded with humor throughout. We just heard last night that he died unexpectedly on July 30, at age 87.

His name was familiar to Invitational readers — he won more than two hundred blots of Invite ink from 1996 until just two weeks before his death — but much more, Howard was absolutely beloved in the Loser Community of Invitational contestants and fans, serving as the opening act for the entertainment segments of the Flushies award party and other events — sometimes with a song parody (as in “Imagine I’m the Donald,” below right) and most recently with personal reminiscences, such as when, as a student at Duke in the late 1950s, he was invited to join the KKK (yes, he was Jewish).


Howard Walderman doing his thing at Loser parties. Boy, did he detest Trump. (Photos courtesy of Catherine Hagman)
Ten gems of Howard’s ink from over the years (here’s a longer greatest-hits list):

A cautionary proverb during the Clinton administration:
Any further White House shenanigan
Must not involve the presidential bananigan. (1999)

Children’s books you will never see:
How to Help Strangers Find Lost Puppies (2003)

Couplets about historical events:
In ’38 Chamberlain traveled to Munich,
Had a nice chat and he came home a eunuch. (2004)

Spin a negative headline into positive news:
Tom DeLay, former U.S. House leader, sentenced to 3 years in prison
Spun: DeLay will be following in the footsteps of Mandela, Gandhi and King . . . (2011)

Combine two movie titles:
Annie Halloween: The horror of having an affair with Woody Allen. (2011)

Predictions for 2018:
In the seventh round, the Minnesota Vikings draft an end zone choreographer out of Juilliard.

Bank heads:
Real headline: Davis ends hitless streak in a big way
Bank head: First baseman finally punches heckler (2019)

Tweaked movie title:
Martin Scorsese could do a documentary on the White House: Malice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore. (February 2021)

Helpful hints for life:
When I learned that my son’s English class had been assigned to read “Moby-Dick,” I gave my son the comic book version so he’d have more time for football practice. (2022)

“Air quotes”
AD“VANCE”: To climb the political ladder by suddenly ignoring all your previous views. (2025)

I-Fives: The ‘i’-word limericks of Week 136
In Invitational Week 136, our 22nd annual Limerixicon, we helped out with the eternal project of the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form by asking for limericks that significantly included a word beginning with I. Yes, “Invitational” appeared in numerous entries, but none of them gets ink this week. (Note: When the Czar and Empress judge Invitational entries, they don’t know who wrote what. If they had, they still might have chosen one guy’s limericks seven times over. Hey, he’s good.)

Third runner-up:
“You’re the dentist,” shrugged Anne, “and I’m willing
To recline here till you’ve finished drilling.
But I warn with all gravity
That it isn’t that cavity
My insurance will pay you for filling.”
(Nancy C. Gates Meyer, Mundelein, Ill.)

Second runner-up:
Life’s lemons have got me dismayed.
I can’t see how we’ll make lemonade.
There’s no sugar on hand
In this harsh, bitter land,
And we’ve got too much ICE, I’m afraid.”
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

First runner-up:
Sometime before 2015, in Hollywood:
Idiocracy’s ripe for a prequel!
We want genius! A film with no equal!”
“What if viewers don’t know
That it’s only a show??
And who’ll star?” “Oh, that orange-skinned freak will.”
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

And the winner of the rubber squeezy shark that shoots a human foot out its mouth:
Ohio woman gives birth using an embryo frozen in 1994
After thirty-one years in a chill,
The wee embryo’s birth was a thrill.
But this infant, I’m told,
Ain’t the first kid that old
To be living with Mom and Dad still.
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

LimerICKs: Honorable mentions
The nice thing about insulation
is its multi-use implementation:
Keeps you cool when it’s hot
and warm when it’s not —
And it muffles your loud fornication.
(Jim Schaefer, Greenbelt, Md.)

The feds met to interview Maxwell,
Making sure to record all the facts well.
But Trump’s not concerned
About anything learned,
Since his Justice Department redacts well. (Jesse Frankovich)

This tech giant’s rise is insidious;
It portends things we all will find hideous.
I have not come to grips
With its plans for those chips,
But surely they’re highly Nvidious.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

The Immaculate Virgin, young Mary,
Bore a son while retaining her cherry.
But if you try to claim
To your parents the same,
Are they likely to buy it? Not very.
(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

I decided one night on a lark
To go out for a walk in the park
When my irritable bowel
Spoke up with a growl,
And I took my first shart in the dark.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

There once was an imbecile who
Went to bed with her boyfriend to screw.
Then her navel got sore,
And it hurt more and more,
’Cause her beau was an imbecile, too. (Jesse Frankovich)

Did my Buffalo wings arrive late?
Were there too few French fries on my plate?
Then a one-star review
Is what’s coming to you,
’Cause I never hold back when irate.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Pennsylvania’s an overachiever:
It has Intercourse, Blue Ball, and Beaver.
Time to end the debates
And accept that this state’s
Our top sexual-town-name conceiver. (Chris Doyle)

“Innuendo,” a jokester with glee said,
“Is a type of remark that can be said
In a way that is viewed
As suggestive and lewd.”
“Oh, well, that’s not so hard.” “That’s what she said!” (Jesse Frankovich)

You think that religion’s a lie
Just a scheme selling pie in the sky.
Well, at me you may chortle
That I think I’m immortal:
Just know he who laughs last didn’t die.
(Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Our instructor bestowed this advice:
“While a parachute’s certainly nice,
To be honest, I guess
You don’t need one—unless
You would like to go skydiving twice.” (Jesse Frankovich)

Oh, why can’t they cure yeast infection
With a handsome intern, whose erection
Contains fungicide
That’s directly applied
On request, as a well-placed injection? (Nancy C. Gates Meyer)

Intromission (intercourse)
A respectable British mortician
Had laid many to rest sans suspicion
Till a camera-rigged coffin
Of a digital boffin
Recorded his last intromission. (Kevin Dopart, Washington D.C.)

For his ischium fracture, a court
Handed Lionel Messi support
To go forward and sue
Luka Modrić. Who knew
We’d be seeing the first soccer tort? (Chris Doyle)

If the numbers look bad, he will then
Simply alter them, time and again.
Votes, jobs, prices, his score
On the golf course, and more—
All improved with his trusty black pen. (Jesse Frankovich)

Had a name to regret, did my dad —
Nasty epithet! Sad, very sad.
Though I bear his first name,
I’ll be upping my game:
Call me Ivan the Not-All-That-Bad. (Duncan Stevens)

For a genie the incel had prayed.
Now he stood there — a wish to be made.
I’m a flash — poof! — an egg!
(I’m not pulling your leg).
For the wish was “I want to get laid.” (Mark Raffman)

My sweet, caring wife told me this:
“Your hygiene routine is amiss
’Cause when you’re not skinny
And you have an innie,
Your navel becomes an abyss.” (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

It’s true that I named my son Pi.
When my buddies and family ask “Why?
Is he shaped like a sphere?”
I say, “No, nothing near —
I’m irrationally proud of that guy.” (Duncan Stevens)

RFK’s done what we were expectin’;
Valid treatments he’s started neglectin’.
Next he’ll tell us the answer
To all types of cancer
Is horse paste: “Go take ivermectin.” (Duncan Stevens)

This guy always knows just how I feel,
Does my laundry, then cooks a nice meal,
And he lives by a credo,
Forswearing libido —
Please don’t mock my Platonic ideal. (Mark Raffman)

Whenever he talks about trade,
Mr. Trump seems to think we’ve been played.
“Raise the tariff,” he’ll say,
“Until we get our way
Or, you know, what the fuck, let’s invade!”
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Politicos share the same vice:
It’s power, whatever the price.
They’ll invent different views
Depending on who’s
In the crews they must schmooze and entice.
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Intimidate: what bullies do.
Well, let me say bully for you
And your inner circle
In hopes that some jerk’ll
Stand up to and bully you, too. (Jon Gearhart)

Too much watching the idiot box
Seems to make people dumber than rocks.
Sixteen hours a day
Rots your brain cells away.
(Or perhaps just a minute of Fox.) (Jesse Frankovich)

And Last:
Tried a verse, but my rhymes were imperfect;
“Throw it out, try again!” was the verdict.
In the third and fourth lines
Matters further declined,
And the fifth line was not even close. (Duncan Stevens)

The headline “I-Fives” was submitted independently by Great Minds Jesse Frankovich, Chris Doyle, and Kevin Dopart; Dave Prevar wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

If your limerick got ink today — or even if it didn’t — or even if these inking limericks inspired you to write an I-verse after all: Feel free to submit it to OEDILF, whose standards are similar to ours, except that the limerick just needs to define or illustrate the word; it doesn’t have to be as funny. See the whole deal here.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Aug. 23, at 9 p.m. ET: Our Hyphen the Terrible neologism contest. Click below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Dave Prevar)
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle; Kevin Dopart)
Subhead: (Dave Prevar)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!