The Invitational Week 137: Hyphen the Terrible
We bring back a favorite new-word contest. Plus our favorite misinterpreted headlines.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Aug 14, 2025


Before there was GPS. The custom-compiled road maps are evoked among the winning bank headlines below in this week’s Invitational results.
Here’s a wordplay contest we’ve done a buncha times, but not for more than three years. It involves hyphenating — join now!

For Invitational Week 137:
1. Find two words (or a single word) with a hyphen in the middle, anywhere online or in print in an article, ad, etc., dated Aug. 14-23, 2025.
2. Do that again — again, from anywhere.
3. Then combine the first half of one term with the second half of the other — or use two first halves, or two second halves — to form a humorous new term, then describe the result, as in the examples below, the top winners of or last Hyphen the Terrible contest (full results here).

De-tailed + be-tween: DE-TWEEN: To remove the Super Mario sheets from your ninth-grader’s bed. (Leif Picoult)

Misinforma-tion + Beetho-ven: MISINFORMA-VEN: Someone who’s done his own research. (Ann Martin)

Non-red + an-nouncement: NON-NOUNCEMENT: “For now, I’m 100 percent focused on the job the voters elected me to do.” (Gary Crockett)

Paper-work + privi-lege: PAPER-PRIVI: The repository for highly sensitive Trump administration documents. (Steve Smith)

Formatting this week: Do it just as in these examples above! List each entry as a single line; begin with your hyphenated terms, followed by your neologism, followed by the definition or other description.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 23, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 28. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-137.

This week’s winner receives another 20th-century throwback, or at least in the 20th-century pre-Internet tradition: It’s The Book of Useless Information, a 2005 compilation of fun-fact trivia that many of us nerdier types would devour as children, then bore our friends and family members with endlessly. Including: The name of the first CD pressed in the United States! That fish scales are used to make lipstick! How much Elvis weighed at his death! That the ancient Romans might have flipped the bird at Jesus! Donated by Stu Segal.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Ribbed From the Headlines: The bank heads of Week 135
In our Week 135 Mess With Our Heads contest, we invited you to choose a real headline and reinterpret its meaning by following it with a bank head, or subtitle. When we saw the head “Gene Reveals Clues to Why Humans Outlasted Neanderthals” in our Aug. 5 Washington Post, we knew we’d be getting numerous Weingartenesque angles regarding poop; none got ink this week, though.

Third runner-up:
Real headline in The Guardian: Trump signs executive order to bring back presidential fitness test in schools
Bank head: Kids across nation to practice memorizing list of 5 items
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Second runner-up:
CNN.com: What is gerrymandering? Why is it legal?
Bank: Because of gerrymandering
(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

First runner-up:
New York Times: Elite New York High School Admits 8 Black Students in a Class of 781
Bank: DOJ to Investigate Whether White Students Were Unfairly Excluded
(Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

And the winner of the fuzzy frog-face purse:
Washington Post: One mighty ancestral river, running free
Bank: Grandpa explains frequent bathroom stops on family road trip
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Bank-wit Scraps: Honorable mentions
Not as hot but still hot
President pledges to support nation’s MILFs (Jesse Frankovich)

Small earthquake shakes New Jersey and New York City
Investigators eyeing Chris Christie’s stroll through Holland Tunnel (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

One of Hawaii’s most famous industries is collapsing
‘We don’t get it, but tourists just love to watch us fall down,’ says mystified islander (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Girly shopping at its best
Look for the red light in the window! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala., from an ad in the Masthead News of Hubbards, Nova Scotia)

Where Can Gaza Go From Here?
Trump considers towing enclave to the middle of the Mediterranean (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

The next parenting trend starts before conception
Impregnation parties interest the guys more than gender reveals, planners say (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Small-scale grilling is taking over city living
ICE interrogating toddlers at Midtown preschools (Frank Osen)

A Sign of the Times
NYT trolls Bezos with posters on buses: “Is It Dark Enough for You, Jeff?” (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Researchers Are Negotiating $250 Million Packages
Pricey Penises on the Rise (Leif Picoult)

Online Hate Speech Resembles Mental Health Disorder Language
Captain Obvious may be on to something, linguists believe (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

After deadly D.C. plane crash, Army expands use of navigation devices
AAA laments loss of Triptik contract (Tom Logan, Sterling, Va.)

Big names remain on the trade market
No deal in sight for Joe Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Bay Area teen missing for nearly 2 weeks found safe
‘I still couldn’t get it open after 14 days, so I just came home’ (Malcolm Fleschner)

Summer labor market has been much weaker than previously reported
‘These kids can’t even lift a 2-by-4,’ foreman complains (Mark Raffman)

Father-daughter dance plans announced
President, Ivanka to inaugurate $200M ballroom with creepy event (Jesse Frankovich)

At turbulent time, NFLPA selects White as interim leader
Football union seeks to suck up to President (Jonathan Jensen; Kevin Dopart)

Smithsonian removes Trump from impeachment exhibit
Senile man had refused to leave display case (Leif Picoult)

Forced to leave Donbas
‘Couldn’t they have let us take ONE freakin’ Donba with us?’ refugee complains (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)

Deputies find life-size sex doll in Blackfoot River
Suicide note cited despair over being treated as ‘object’ (Michael Stein)

Charles Berry Bridge stuck in upright position
4 hours later, Mrs. Bridge gets him relief at urgent care (Frank Osen)

Scientists say they figured out why some starfish turn to goo
Enchinoderms were watching Hallmark Channel on lab’s TV, study finds (Steve Honley)

Value of what Maxwell knows remains unclear
Cone of Silence proves effective, analysts say (Rebekah Bundang, Vienna, Va.)

Is it better to rent or buy?
Wealthy men weigh pros, cons of escort service vs. trophy wife (Mark Raffman)

Is there a way to hang something heavy from the ceiling safely?
ICE, DOJ officials seek pro tips from Putin, Bukele (Steve Honley; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

‘Hot Wasps’ Found at Nuclear Facility in South Carolina
No Nukes protesters were ‘very attractive white people,’ police chief says (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Rogers is more than good enough for O’s
Aaron works hard to give complete satisfaction, girlfriends agree (Steve Honley)

With everyone clamoring for reviews, how much do they really matter?
Tell us what YOU think in our reader poll! (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Mother’s age could affect sex probability
‘Tell us something we don't know,’ say middle-aged fathers (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

White House defends firing
Executive order to shoot immigrants on sight is ‘what good Americans want,’ official says (Chris Doyle)

Woman Sentenced to Decades in Prison for Stabbing Man 73 Times
‘Worst player of Operation ever,’ Milton Bradley announces (Mike Ostapiej, Charleston, S.C.)

154,000 are paid to not do U.S. jobs
More than half of Americans would gladly add Trump to that list (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

A science journal pulled a controversial study about a bizarre life form
RFK Jr. ‘now believed to be from Earth,’ correction says (Mike Ostapiej)

Fire north of Los Angeles explodes in size, triggers evacuations
‘You’d shit your pants too if you saw those flames,’ resident notes (Malcolm Fleschner)

Believe it or not, flip-flops are in this summer
Pols from both parties embrace ‘evolving positions” on immigration, trade, Russia (Jeff Contompasis; Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Meet the unpredictable housing regulator with Trump’s ear
Official proud to have been given section of lobe hit in shooting (Jon Gearhart; Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Tigers outfielder joins Ty Cobb with offensive performance not seen in 100 years
Jones moons ump, slides with spikes up, hurls expletives in three languages (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich.)

And Last: When you don’t know what to say, but you can’t say nothing
[Insert funny bank head here] (Jesse Frankovich)

The headline “Ribbed From the Headlines” is by Chris Doyle; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, Aug. 16, at 9 p.m. ET: Our annual Limerixicon, this year seeking limericks featuring a word beginning with the letter I. Click below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Leif Picoult; Ann Martin; Gary Crockett; Steve Smith)
Judging: ()
Title: (Chris Doyle)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
Prize: (Stu Segal)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!