The Invitational Week 134: Which Things Considered?
What will NPR and PBS do to win back the money stolen from them? Plus our caption contest winners.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Jul 24, 2025

Above is the title card for a new, revised NPR show that we imagine happening soon, now that the Trump regime has clawed back its federal funding, as well of that for PBS, in a policy the White House calls “Ending Subsidization of Biased Media.”

Because NPR and PBS know that Trump is mercurial and often rethinks things after an object of his ire buckles to his desires, we’re worried they might fall in line. In the example above, the network would slightly alter the format of “Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me,” its popular snarky comedy news-quiz show, to become this: “Contestants are interrogated by ICE agents. Don’t give the wrong answer!”

This is a facile way of telling you about our new contest:

For Invitational Week 134: Suggest some sniveling or otherwise outrageous alterations that NPR or PBS might adopt in its programming to get its funding back from Trump.

Two more examples:

“Flesh Air”: NPR interview show with women who are “at least an 8.5.”

PBS’s new nine-part documentary “The War of Northern Aggression.”

How to format your entries: This week it’s just our usual — but important — request to write each individual entry as a single line; i.e., don’t press Enter until you’re ready to start your next entry.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 2, 2025, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 7. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-134.

This week’s winner gets the rare volume The Sensuous Artichoke, nearly 300 pages exploring the origin, properties, and culinary potential of that homely bud of the thistle plant, a bizarre tooth-scraping device with nasty sharp fiberglass hair tentacles guarding a tender heart. This detail from the, er, lovingly drawn cover depicts the beautiful Cynara being turned into an artichoke after jilting Zeus. Inside is a wealth of artichoke lore, including recipes and fun facts offered by cartoon veggies Artie and Chuck. Regifted (sorry, Italian relative) by Loser Diana Oertel, since “my husband dislikes artichokes.”

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Top Pic Sentences: Winning captions from Week 132
In Invitational Week 132 we showed you the following pictures and, as is our wont, invited you to make (non)sense of them. (The winner and runners-up appear under the respective photos, followed at the end by the Gene Pool Gene Poll.)


The winner of the denture earrings pictured in Photo B:
Turns out that ChatGPT is just this guy. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

HHS under RFK Jr. adopted surprising new brain tumor treatment recommendations. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Mister Rogers gets audited. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)


Second runner-up: Late at night is the only time Trump doesn’t lie through his teeth. (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)

“When the photographer said, ‘Show me your teeth,’ I’m pretty sure he meant you should smile, Ethel.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Everyone knew when Grandpa was getting lucky. (Mike Ostapiej, Charleston, S.C.)

Logo for the Cornell University Class of 1950’s 75-year reunion. (Dave Metzger, Venice, Fla.)


Third runner-up: When you’re not a star, you have to let the pussy grab you. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

“You have me declawed, and then you wear these! What kind of sicko are you?” (Art Grinath)


Pediatricians are reporting a disturbing increase in cases of manspreading in young boys. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

“Yeah, yeah, you’re getting divorced. Big whup. Can we have our phones back now?” (Jon Ketzner)

A meeting of the Young Nihilists Society comes to order. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Celebrating National “Whatever” Day. (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

Gen ZZZZZZZ. (Tom Witte)

In an effort to reach Gen Alpha consumers, products are now tested with a lack-of-focus group. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

“Oh, please. YouPorn answered all our questions years ago.” (Jon Ketzner)

Super-gluing your hand to your face looked like more fun on TikTok. (Art Grinath)

The judging panel at the annual Dad Jokes Competition was not impressed. (Hildy Zampella, Sarasota, Fla.)

The Musk kids were always sluggish after the Adrenochrome harvest. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

This DOGE team always gets cranky when they don’t get a snack after their 12-hour shift. (Stephen Dudzik)

I still believe that, deep down, the kids enjoy my Invitational entries. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)


First runner-up: “Elon, I am your father.” (Art Grinath)

Edward Scissorhands’s lesser-known little brother resented his obscurity. (Duncan Stevens)

Bob wondered why none of his partners had ever been interested in oral sex. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

“I gotchya severance pay right here!” (Art Grinath)

“I’ve been under the mistletoe for ten minutes. No luck.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)


“Hey, my eyes were up here!” (Gary Crockett)

Rubio’s loyal State Department employees enjoy lunch with a member of the newly reduced skeleton crew. (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)

“Well, here’s why I don’t think we should split the bill four ways …” (Jon Ketzner; Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Not even death could break up the old gang’s Monday lunches. (Leslie Franson, Ellicott City, Md.)

Aides meet with Sen. Chuck Grassley to prepare for his 2034 reelection campaign. (Steve Smith)

“And then I say, ‘Well, you still can’t be too rich.’ ” (Jon Ketzner)

After being booed at several public events, the Trumps and Vances had to attend the ball game in disguise. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

In today’s American cities, it’s impossible to avoid the brat race. (Kevin Dopart)

Bob didn’t seem to mind that his new glasses made him look like a weenie. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

The headline “Top Pic Sentences” is by Jesse Frankovich. The example “Wait Wait … Don’t Deport Me” is by Mark Holt.

Still running — deadline Saturday, July 26, at 9 p.m. ET: Our contest for “panalphabetic” writing. Click below for details.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Mark Holt)
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: ()
Prize: (Diana Oertel)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!