The Invitational Week 132: Picture This
Photo caption time! Meanwhile, we explain the difference between a rat's ass and JD Vance.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Jul 10, 2025
Give us a caption for this or any of the other six pictures below, in this week’s Invitational contest. You get 25 entries in all.
Hello.
Spoiler alert: In our opinion, there is no difference between JD Vance and a rat’s ass. In the meantime, we are being auteurs once more, assembling images for maximum theatrical effect and cinematic urgency. Feel free to get some popcorn.
For Invitational Week 132: Write a caption — as many as 25 total — for any of the seven pictures above and below. For Guidance ’n’ Inspiration,® see the results of Week 113 and the results of Week 81 to see what we like in a caption. (More instructions below the pictures.)
IMPORTANT FORMATTING INFO! Begin each caption only with the letter on the picture — as in A. [your caption] — and keep each caption to a single line; i.e., don’t press Enter in the middle of a single entry. If you’re submitting multiple entries (and most people do) be sure that the first character of each of your entries is the letter on the picture.
Deadline is Saturday, July 19, 2025, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, July 24. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form. (Don’t submit ideas this week for the honorable-mentions subhead; we don’t use it for caption results.)
Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-132.
This week’s winner gets a set of denture-motif earrings — the ones that appear in Picture B this week (the hooks aren’t shown).
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.
Quip on Ties: Winning links from Week 130
In Invitational Week 130 we posted a list of 17 random noun phrases and asked how any two or more of them were similar, different, or otherwise linked.
Third runner-up:
The difference between two snowballs and print newspapers:
Two snowballs going downhill get bigger and bigger, whereas print newspapers going downhill get smaller and smaller.
(Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)
Second runner-up:
Marcia Brady, some random guy, and JD Vance: McCormick and Schmucks.
(David Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.)
First runner-up:
Abraham Lincoln’s dog, Fido, vs. JD Vance: Fido licked his own balls.
(Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)
And the winner of the squishy-banana stress toy:
The Almighty: Jesus Christ. Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom: Jesus Christ!
(Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)
And now, the weekly Invitational Gene Pool Gene Poll:
POLL
Which of the entries above is your favorite?
3rd runner-up: Snowballs/newspapers
2nd RU: McCormick and Schmucks
1st RU: Fido/ Vance
The winner: Almighty/ Bezos yacht
109 VOTES · 1 DAY REMAINING
As always, if you think we ignored better entries in the Honorables (below) yell at us in the Comments.
Leave a comment
Slim Hilarities: Honorable mentions
Abraham Lincoln’s dog, Fido, and JD Vance: Both are well-trained White House pets, but Fido never took a dump on the U.S. Constitution. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
While both always came running when their masters called, Abraham Lincoln’s dog, Fido, unlike JD Vance, stayed off the sofa. (Dave McCord, Arlington, Va., who got his only previous blot of Invitational ink in 2016)
Abraham Lincoln’s dog, Fido, and begging for sex: Futile tail-chasing. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)
A buffet sneeze guard and JD Vance are two things on which X Æ A-Xii has wiped his boogers. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
A bunker-buster bomb: Wrecked ’em! A rat’s ass: Rectum. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
A bunker-buster bomb and begging for sex: One goes “Boom! Boom!” and the other goes “Boom-boom?” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)
A bunker-buster bomb makes a huge hole; JD Vance is a huge hole. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
A dead and plucked duck: Many people like canard à l’orange. JD Vance: He likes Orange’s canards. (Mark Raffman)
A dead and plucked duck and JD Vance: Neither is going to fly in 2028. (Duncan Stevens, vacationing in Gloucester, Mass.)
A rat’s ass: I don’t give it. Begging for sex: I don’t get it. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
A Tesla and the Almighty: You need a leap of faith to designate either one as your “copilot.” (Mark Raffman)
JD Vance and some random guy: A lot of folks would prefer the latter to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
JD Vance and a buffet sneeze guard: Neither is very effective and you can see right through them. (Diana Oertel, San Francisco; Pam Shermeyer)
JD Vance and a rat’s ass: They both spew crap, just from different holes. (Leif Picoult)
The Almighty is said to be ineffable; Marcia Brady is said to be uneffable. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
The Almighty and A Rat’s Ass: What are Trump and Vance’s Secret Service code names? (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
Two snowballs: White balls. Begging for sex: Blue balls. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Leif Picoult; Gary Crockett)
Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom and print newspapers: Each might make it into the other. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom and a bunker-buster bomb are both used to compensate for having “small hands.” (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio, Tex.)
Marcia Brady: Had hair of gold, like her mother. Some random guy: Had your mother. (Mark Raffman)
Marcia Brady: Boomer crush. A bunker-buster bomb: BOOM! [Crush.] (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Marcia Brady vs. Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom: Marcia didn’t have even one toilet. (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)
Nine nipples: More is not necessarily better. Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom: Exactly. (Duncan Stevens)
Nine nipples: Good for a litter. Print newspapers: Also helpful. (Duncan Stevens)
Print newspapers vs. begging for sex: One’s desperate for ads; the other’s desperate for nads. (Leif Picoult)
Print newspapers and begging for sex: If you don’t get it, you don’t get it. (Kevin Dopart)
Print newspapers vs. Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom: Presumably, the bathroom isn’t filled with yesterday’s business. (Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)
Print newspapers and the Almighty: Most people only think about them on Sundays. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)
Some random guy: John Q. Public. Jeff Bezos’s yacht’s tenth bathroom: No public john queue. (Chris Doyle)
Some random guy might be down and out, but a dead and plucked duck is definitely out of down. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
SpaceX vs. nine nipples: SpaceX has only one big boob attached to it. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)
The Almighty: You kneel before Him. Begging for sex: You want them to kneel before you. (Jonathan Jensen)
“Two snowballs and nine nipples” doesn't fit the meter as nicely as “a corncob pipe and a button nose.” (Jesse Frankovich)
A bunker-buster bomb, a buffet sneeze guard, and begging for sex: None of these is as effective as you’d like to think. (Duncan Stevens)
Two snowballs, a bunker-buster bomb, and a rat’s ass: Trump might be willing to give two snowballs for Ukraine. (David Peckarsky)
The headline “Quip on Ties” is by Jeff Contompasis; Chris Doyle and Jon Gearhart each submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.
Still running — deadline Saturday, July 12, at 9 p.m. ET: Our contest for Yo Mama (and Yo Other People) haiku. Click below for details.
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Title: (Jeff Contompasis)
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