The Invitational Week 128: As the Word Turns
'Discover' funny new words by snaking around this grid. Plus our Questionable Journalism winners.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Jun 12, 2025


Beginning at P-17: BRATMO: The nasty Cuban prison where bad little children are sent if they don't hang up their jacket right now.
O-14: NEVIDENCE: Phony stuff the Trump regime uses to imprison citizens for nonexistent crimes.
G-7: KINDRIVEL: The six-page not-even-bothering-to-be-humblebrag that your cousin sends out every December.
The Empress sort of knew The Invitational’s days were numbered at The Washington Post in the early 2020s when a new editor referred to our then 29-year-old weekly humor/wordplay/poetry contest — featuring some of the most brilliant reader-generated humor in human history — as “your puzzle thing.”

This week’s contest, one we haven’t done in a couple of years, does look like a puzzle. But as usual, we’re really after your neologisms.

For Invitational Week 128: “Discover” a word or multi­word term by tracing a path through the randomly generated grid above — in any direction or several directions, up, down, back, forth, diagonally, but always using adjacent squares — and humorously describe the result, as in the examples above. (“Bratmo” is the one traced out).
— Don’t trace over the same spot on the grid twice.
— A funny definition or example can help you get the ink over someone else who “found” the same term; even with the 2.7 bajillion possible word-forms embedded in the grid, we often see a lot of duplication.
— You may also choose an existing word if you have a devastatingly clever definition.

Formatting this week — and boy oh boy will it be important:
— Begin each entry with the coordinates of your first letter (e.g., H-4) as above; we’ll trace it from there. Letter-hyphen-number.
— And you must put the coordinates, word, and definition all on the same line — don’t hit Enter between them.
— You should be able to print out the grid from this link, and courtesy of nerdtabulous Loser Jeff Contompasis, here’s a text file of the grid that will let you, say, search for a certain letter.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-128. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Deadline is Saturday, June 21, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, June 26.

The winner receives this chic(k) little handbag, donated by 216-time Loser Barbara Turner.

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The Empress showing off this week’s prize purse last month at the Flushies, the awards party for Invitational contestants and hangers-on.

Newsy Q’s: ‘Questionable Journalism’ winners
In our venerable Questionable Journalism contest in Invitational Week 126, we asked you to choose a sentence from any publication dated that week, then follow it Jeopardy-style with a funny question.

Third runner-up:
Sentence from the L.A. Times: Lance Smith, 74, stands off to the side of the bowl, a Coors Light in one hand, a Nikon camera in the other.
Q. How does the House of Representatives enforce its anti-trans bathroom ban? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Second runner-up:
A. For the first time, researchers factored in its gravitational influence in a statistically meaningful way.
Q. How do we know Yo Mama’s ass is so fat? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

First runner-up:
A. I had hoped we’d never come to this.
Q. What’s wrong with playing my Manilow album while we make love?
(Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

And the winner of the flashing, talking Bullshit button:
A. “We did our gender reveal at 30,000 feet with complete strangers.”
Q. What caused the police to arrest two passengers for indecent exposure when the flight landed? (Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)

Flat on Their Asks: Honorable mentions
A. The risk of overheating and sparking, particularly when items are damaged, has been highlighted as a significant safety concern.
Q. Are there any dangers in having sex in one’s senior years? (Judy Freed)

A. “We don’t deserve to live; please kill us.”
Q. You say the Democrats have an inspiring new rallying cry? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

A. Maybe lunch.
Q. What’s there to lose by watching “Dr. Pimple Popper”? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

A. “It turns out you can skateboard your whole life.”
Q. How did Trump respond to fears that his tariffs would dramatically increase the price of automobiles? (Frank Osen)

A. The court ruled that his actions had far exceeded his lawful powers under that statute.
Q. What text macro can save a reporter a lot of time in 2025? (Duncan Stevens)

A. “Don’t ever say what you said!”
Q. What did Trump shout when the steakhouse told him it was out of ketchup? (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

A. “Every day I’m trying to prove myself as one of those guys.”
Q. President Trump, what is your reaction when you’re compared to Hitler and Stalin? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

A. “We wouldn’t be able to keep our style of business without having people like this.”
Q. Mr. Beelzebub, how is recruiting in Hell during Trump’s second term? (Mike Ostapiej, Charleston, S.C.)

A. “Guys made great plays.”
Q. Professor, what deep thoughts do you have about English drama in the Elizabethan era? (Beverley Sharp)

A. “I’m going to work my butt off this summer.”
Q. How do you plan to go from XL to Small BVDs in just three months? (Beverley Sharp)

A. “It’s astonishing to think that, more than 30 years later, he's still the king."
Q. What will they say on Trump’s 110th birthday? (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

A. “They are still internally going forward; we don’t really feel as if anything has stopped here.”
Q. What did the vet say about the cuff links Fido swallowed? (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

A. “Well, for one, I’m going to church more.”
Q. Pope Leo, how has your life changed since your papal Inauguration? (Beverley Sharp)

A. For budget hawks — and Democrats — Musk provided a shot in the arm.
Q. Does Elon share his drugs? (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

A. A hint of lemon juice at the very end keeps it punchy.
Q. Why did you give your kangaroo an enema before his boxing match? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

A. Choose bars that have between 10 and 20 grams of protein.
Q. My kid swears too much — any recommendations on which soap I should use to wash his mouth? (Mark Raffman)

A. Cynthia Erivo is taking off her witch’s hat to play a decidedly more virtuous musical theater icon: Jesus Christ.
Q. What will rile up the zealots even more than casting Paapa Essiedu as Snape in the new Harry Potter series? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

A. It’s infectious.
Q. Susan Monarez, as nominee for CDC director, what can you say about your boss RFK Jr.’s charm? (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)

A. That’s a big number.
Q. What did the dental patient say when he saw the 6-inch novocaine syringe? (Mark Raffman)

A. Those are a couple of good words for what’s happening.
Q. Do you agree that our democracy is “royally fucked”? (Kevin Dopart)

A. “No MAGA left behind.”
Q. What tweet caused Trump supporters to get sinistral gluteal reduction surgery? (Mark Raffman)

A. “I may have pushed it just a tiny bit.”
Q. If he could talk, what might your cat say about the shattered wine glass on the kitchen floor? (Chris Doyle)

A. A big tank of water may be the answer.
Q. What is an anagram of “a big, not weak, fart”? (Chris Doyle)

A. By the time she left the bustling shopping area, she had three dresses: one coral pink and flowy; one cobalt blue with an open back; and one scarlet red with sparkly straps.
Q. How did Sally the Shoplifting Queen win her title? (Duncan Stevens)

A. I do think there is a bigger picture.
Q. Is this dick pic supposed to impress me? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

A. In the end, only two men were convicted and sentenced to hang.
Q. Did the Trump administration relent at all on its anti-DEI initiative? (Duncan Stevens)

A. I understand tomorrow is supposed to be very hot.
Q. What did Saint Peter tell Jeffrey Dahmer? (Chris Doyle)

A. This is something that cannot be forgotten!
Q. Why is Pete Hegseth’s password for accessing top-secret defense systems “password”? (Duncan Stevens)

A. “You know, that’s when the game really starts.”
Q. What do the Cleveland Browns coaches always have to explain to their players about the kickoff? (Duncan Stevens)

A. Both teams spent Thursday looking for any detail to polish, any crack to take advantage of.
Q. What did the cocaine-fueled competitive car waxers do yesterday? (Judy Freed)

A. His wife talked him into a microwave.
Q. How did the husband get his head stuck in a kitchen appliance? (Frank Osen)

A. If it fits in their mouth, they’ll eat it.
Q. What will politicians do if they get off on the wrong foot? (Jon Gearhart)

A. If it fits in their mouth, they’ll eat it.
Q. Why can’t competitive eaters keep a pet? (Jon Gearhart)

A. If you feel uncomfortable hanging around for too long, you can get in and out quickly if you already have the check.
Q. What is good advice for a novice gigolo? (Judy Freed)

A. “Well, we are all going to die.”
Q. What’s the worst thing to hear from the pilot after “Hope y’all enjoy our flight, have a free drink, and …”? (Barbara Turner)

A. “Soon after, he will add breaking balls.”
Q. If his threats aren’t enough, what will Donald Trump order his thugs to do next to congressmen who oppose his spending bill? (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

A. “You go after the tech bros.”
Q. Is it time for us telemarketers to jump off the cliff yet? (Roy Ashley)

A. Some parents are instructed to show up in person, while others are allowed to speak via videoconference.
Q. How do teens interact with their families nowadays? (Judy Freed)

A. When we watch a movie, when it is really working on us, we are provoked into participation with it.
Q. “What the hell did you get all over my laptop screen?” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

And Last: A. Other alleged injuries include “mental anguish” and the “loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life.”
Q. In addition to “dashed hopes,” what else are Invitational Losers seeking class-action damages for? (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

The headline “Newsy Q’s” is by Jesse Frankovich; Judy Freed wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline Saturday, June 14, at 9 p.m. ET: Our contest to write funny poems featuring words used in this year’s National Spelling Bee. Click below for details.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Judy Freed)
Prize: (Barbara Turner)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!