The Invitational Week 113: Picture This
Seven more pictures await your zany captions. Plus winning questions for our answers.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Feb 27, 2025


Give us a caption for this or any of the other six pictures below, in this week’s Invitational contest. You get 25 entries in all.
Hello. Welcome to The Invitational Gene Pool, a wholly owned subsidiary of


… on a sad day for journalism. We will try to happy you up today.

For Invitational Week 113: Write a caption — as many as 25 total — for any of the seven pictures above and below. For guidance, inspiration, and ultra-sheer delight, take a look the results of Week 81 and the results of Week 61 to see what we like in a caption. (More info below the set of pictures.)







IMPORTANT FORMATTING INFO THIS WEEK!! Begin each caption only with the letter on the picture — as in A. [your caption] — and keep each caption to a single line; i.e., don’t press Enter in the middle of a single entry. If you’re submitting multiple entries (and why wouldn’t you?) be sure that the first character of each of your entries is the letter on the picture.

Deadline is Saturday, March 8, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, March 13. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form. (Don’t submit ideas this week for the honorable-mentions subhead; we don’t use it for caption results.)

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyurl.com/inv-form-113.

This week’s winner gets a pair of kitchen scrubber sponges that are like any other artificial-sponge sponges except that one is labeled “Make Me Wet” and the other “Squeeze Me Hard.” Donated by chronic prize donor Dave Prevar, who we’re pretty sure hasn’t used them.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Doable Jeopardy: Ask Backwards winners from Week 111
In Invitational Week 111 we presented a list of random phrases as Jeopardy!-like “answers” and invited you to follow them with the questions.

Too many people to credit offered that the star of the Philadelphia Beagles was Saquon Barky, Barkey, or Bark; and that the “official cocktail of the new administration” was the Moscow Tool.

Third runner-up:
A. Dame Agatha Christ.
Q. Who said, “Forgive them for they know not whodunnit”?
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Second runner-up:
A. About 29.
Q. How many of her lovers does Yo Mama need to ride a teeter-totter?
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

First runner-up:
A. Only men.
Q. Who hears the words “I’m fine” and actually believes it?
(Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

And the winner of the “I Found That Humerus” mug featuring a picture of an arm bone:
A. The official cocktail of the new administration.
Q. What is Tequila Democracy?
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Two pertinent items: We asked Drew Goins, the Jeopardy! champ and a writer in the WaPo opinions section, to choose his fave five. They were “Forgive them,” from above, and, from below, “What may leave you hungry an hour later,” and “Russian policemen,” and “Uncle Tom” and “the defense never rests.” Worthy choices, all.

Second item, and a second poll: We had a fascinating semiotic collision emerge from your entries: For the category “It’s kind of like farting in an elevator,” we got these two good offerings: (1) “How was Donald Trump taught to smile?” (Frank Osen) and (2) “What is voting against your own self interests?” (Lisa Riggin, Clear Lake, Iowa, a First Offender)

The two entries are ostensibly similar, but actually very different. The first relies on the belief that people don’t mind the smell of their own farts, and thus farting in an elevator is a purely hostile act. The second relies on the belief that people do mind the smell of their own farts, and thus are punishing themselves while punishing others as well. We need to get to the bottom of this, as it were.

Q Dips: Honorable mentions
TWO BEDROOMS, EIGHT BATHS
What’s a suite like at the Willard InContinental Hotel? (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

What house design is a clue that the local plumbing contractors’ union has a lot of clout? (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Can you describe the ideal Airbnb in Cancun? (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

What are the specs of the house Trump is building to store classified documents? (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

When a man with an enlarged prostate married a woman with persistent UTIs, what sort of house did they buy? (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

ABOUT 29
How many times are you likely to say WTF during a 30-minute news broadcast? (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

According to DOGE, how many federal workers does it take to change a lightbulb? (Jesse Frankovich)

Approximately how many is a baker’s 28? (Jonathan Paul)

How many eggs can I get for this diamond ring? (Jesse Frankovich)

If current trends continue, how many subscribers will The Washington Post have at the end of Trump's second term? (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

What is the average age of Matt Gaetz’s girlfriends’ mothers? (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

CHOP SUEY GENERIS
What may leave you hungry an hour later but you can never reorder it? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

What dish requires diced pineapple, sweet peppers, scallions, and panda meat? (Barbara Turner; Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

COMING SOON TO THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER!
What is the Straight White Men’s Chorus of Washington? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

Where can I see “The Birth of a Nation: The Musical”? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Whatever became of minstrel shows? (Pam Shermeyer)

What is Democracy on Ice? (Frank Osen)

What is “Hamilton” recast for racial accuracy? (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

What is “Hitler on the Roof,” with songs like “If I Were a Reich Man”? (Leif Picoult)

What’s “Anna and the King of Some Shithole Country”? (Tom Witte)

What are lots of empty seats? (Art Grinath)

DAME AGATHA CHRIST
Which author was most admired by Sir Winston Church? (Diana Oertel)

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENLAND
What is white, mostly empty, and ICE-friendly? (Jonathan Jensen)

NO MORE THAN AN INCH OR TWO
How much foundation does Donald Trump wear? (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

How much rope do you have to give JD Vance for him to find a way to hang himself with it? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Did Russian policemen push that antiwar singer Vadim Stroykin over the edge of a balcony? (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

ONLY MEN
Who is safe in a room with Pete Hegseth after he has had a couple of drinks? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Who insists that there are no male Karens? (Barbara Turner)

ONLY WOMEN
What advice did Luigi Mangione’s lawyers get from his jury consultant? (Steve Smith)

If men know what’s good for them, what will be the only gender to submit Invitational entries beginning with “Only women”? (Jesse Rifkin)

THE OFFICIAL COCKTAIL OF THE NEW ADMINISTRATION
What is a White, Russian? (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.; Rob Huffman)

What is Liberal Tears? (Mark Raffman; Jonathan Jensen)

What’s a Loose-Screw-Driver? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

What is An Uncle Tom Collins? (Stephen Dudzik)

What is Crème DeMented? (Diana Oertel)

What is NOT a Negroni? (Chris Doyle)

THE PHILADELPHIA BEAGLES
Who is looking forward to the Supper Bowl? (Jonathan Paul)

Who do the New York Giants follow with bags in their hands? (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

THE PHILADELPHIA LEGALS
What law firm burns down the courthouse after it wins a big case? (Tom Witte)

What law firm represents the Pittsburgh Stealers? (Jeff Hazle; Chris Doyle)

What team’s defense never rests? (Chris Doyle)

THE GIGGLE SEARCH ENGINE
What is more popular than Microsoft’s Bada Bing? (Chris Doyle)

And Last: What creepy AI bot will be judging The Invitational, after it cans Pat and Gene? (Beverley Sharp)

The headline “Doable Jeopardy” is by Jon Gearhart; Jon and Kevin Dopart each submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, March 1: Our contest to write grammar, etc., questions and answers à la Dave Barry’s “advice” columns.

InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jon Gearhart)
Subhead: (Jon Gearhart; Kevin Dopart)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
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VisibleInk!