The Invitational Week 91: Saved!
Tell us funny ways to be thrifty in these parlous times. Plus the winning comparisons of people with the same initials.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Sep 26, 2024

Hello.

If you’ve been reading or watching Donald Trump’s speeches — and who hasn’t? — you’ve been duly notified that the American economy is in a death spiral that can be rescued only by the election of a sane, prudent person with an actual plan Donald Trump.

Now that this dire financial disaster is on the table, even if it seems to come only from the former president, we must bravely fight against it as best we can. We must carry the battle into our very homes and lives. The Czar remembers how his grandma — a product of the Depression — dealt with a burnt slice of toast. She would never, ever, throw it out. She would take a knife and scrape off the char, however deep it went. The remaining fragment was barely still toast, but it was consumed, and a whole ha’penny was saved.

For Invitational Week 91: Offer some comical ways to be thrifty. You may tell us a true example of, say, funny family parsimoniousness or idiotic workplace penny-pinching (if so, label it true) or you may invent new ones, as in the fine examples below. These were taken from our only other contest about cheapskatery, which was 21 years ago.

At the bottom of your Christmas cards, write, "P.S., Happy Valentine's Day!" — Elisabeth Kuhn

Kill and cook your own meals. Hint: Security is pretty lax at petting zoos. — Stephen Dudzik
Instead of paying for a personalized license plate, just change your name to match your license plate. — XZC-4147
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Formatting this week: As usual, we ask only that you write each of your entries in a single line (i.e., don’t push Enter in the middle of the entry).

Deadline is Saturday, Oct. 5, 2024, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 10. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-91.

This week’s winner receives, apropos of thriftiness, these cheap-to-mail french fry earrings, cheaply un-logoed but still pretty cute.


What Mrs. Potato Head wears when she gets all dressed up: This week’s prize.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Twinitials: The winning pairs of Week 89
In Invitational Week 89, we asked you to compare or otherwise link two people (or two whatevers) who had the same initials. The Czar felt strongly that someone who’s known mostly by three names or initials can’t suddenly have two. And so we didn’t give official ink to, and do not officially applaud, these otherwise ingenious 3-to-2 entries:

M.C. Escher and Mr. Ed: What you see is impossible, of course. (Jesse Frankovich)

Chuck E. Cheese and Chris Christie: One is a rat that makes pizza, and the other eats it. (Leif Picoult)

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Third runner-up:
Jesus Christ: Filled up 5,000 people on five loaves and two fishes. Joey Chestnut: Fortunately, he wasn’t there. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Second runner-up:
Eddie Murphy: Donkey. Elon Musk: Ass. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

First runner-up:
Yo-Yo Ma makes beautiful music with his cello. Yo Mama makes beautiful music with my organ. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

And the winner of the teeny corgi earrings:
Mister Magoo, Marlee Matlin, Marcel Marceau, Michael Myers: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, evil. (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Twoofuses: Honorable Mentions
Joe Biden and James Buchanan: Both are one-term presidents from the Mid-Atlantic, born in 1791. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Andrew Carnegie and Al Capone: Both made such a killing! (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Amelia Earhart: She disappeared very suddenly before World War II. Adolf Eichmann: He disappeared very suddenly after World War II. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Auguste Rodin: Cast himself a thinker. Ayn Rand: Cast herself as a thinker. (Michael Stein)

Auguste Rodin could start with a big blob of clay and mold a delicate, beautiful figure out of it. Al Roker has lost a lot of weight, too. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Dylan Thomas raged, raged against the dying of the light; Donald Trump rages, rages against Haitians . . . CNN . . . Taylor Swift . . . (Richard Pawlak, Lawrenceville, N.J., a First Offender)

Tom Cruise and Ted Cruz: If you were to tell the press that his wife is ugly and his dad killed JFK, Tom Cruise probably wouldn’t give you his endorsement. (Mark Raffman)

Billy Crystal vs. Bill Cosby: One is a rapier wit; the other is just rapier. (Jesse Frankovich)

Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro vs. Italy’s Jean Bugatti: Bugatti masterminded a coupe. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Brett Kavanaugh vs. Burger King: Only one cooked up whoppers under oath. (Jesse Frankovich)

Clarence Thomas and Cheryl Tiegs: Rich guys want to spend a lot of time with both of them, for some reason. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Daffy Duck is almost as looney tunes as Dinesh D’Souza. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Daniel J. Travanti and Donald J. Trump: Both are known for long-running crime dramas. (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

Donald Trump and Danny Thomas: Two incredibly talented men who don’t get nearly enough credit for all the money they have donated to charities and all the humanitarian work they have done. — John Barron (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Tony Stark was a billionaire who saved humanity; Taylor Swift, possibly ditto. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Edgar Allan Poe: Nevermore. Elvis Aron Presley: Still alive? (Jesse Frankovich)

Edward Furlong: Pursued by a devious robot. Elmer Fudd: Pursued a devious rabbit. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Elon Musk and Elizabeth Montgomery: Only Elon truly believes he has magical powers. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)

George Clooney and George Costanza: Women wouldn’t care if Clooney experienced shrinkage. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Huey Lewis and Hannibal Lecter: One wants to be Stuck With You; the other wants to make stock with you. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

John Holmes and Jascha Heifetz: Sex and violins. (Chris Doyle)

Larry Bird and Lauren Boebert: Both excellent ball handlers. (Mark Raffman)

Lauren Boebert and Lenny Bruce: Lenny rubbed people the wrong way. (Duncan Stevens)

Linda Lovelace: No limits on what goes into her mouth. Laura Loomer: No limits on what comes out. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Lois Lane hangs out with Superman. Laura Loomer thinks she hangs out with Superman. (Jonathan Jensen)

Lyndon LaRouche: A bigoted, far-right wackadoodle known for promoting conspiracy theories. Laura Loomer: A bigoted, far-right wackadoodle known for promoting conspiracy theories and eating dog food on camera. (Jonathan Jensen)

John Lennon: Hey Jude. Jeffrey Lebowski: Hey, Dude. (Chris Doyle)

Maria Teresinha Gomes: She masqueraded as a man. Marjorie Taylor Greene: She masquerades as an adult. (Michael Stein)

Kamala Harris and Kevin Hart: Unlike her, he’s always been black. – DJT (Chris Doyle)

Bob Cerv played with Mickey for nine years. Bill Cosby played with mickeys longer. (Kevin Dopart)

Jane Austen and Joe Arpaio: Only the latter showed pride in being prejudiced. (Jesse Frankovich)

Michael Collins: Orbited the moon. Michael Cohen: Orbited just the asshole. (Kevin Dopart)

Marty McFly and Mitch McConnell: Stuck in 1955. (Jesse Frankovich)

Robert DeNiro and Ron DeSantis: Both are known for raging bull. (Chris Doyle)

We like to see Simone Biles flying above the bars — and Steve Bannon standing behind them. (Jesse Frankovich)

Snoop Dogg and Stormy Daniels: Both have had notable experiences with mushrooms. (Jesse Frankovich)

Sting and Sisyphus: Both were into rock and roll. (Chris Doyle)

William Spooner: “Steven Wright and I have the same initials.” (Michael Stein)

Jodie Foster and Jesse Frankovich: Only one of these incredibly talented and attractive people has ever heard of the other. (Jesse Frankovich)

And Last: George Washington vs. Gene Weingarten: Washington refused to go by some pompous imperial title. (Beverley Sharp)

The headline “Twinitials” is by Chris Doyle; Kevin Dopart wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 28: our Week 90 contest for campaign bumper stickers. Click on the link below.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: (Elisabeth Kuhn; Stephen Dudzik; Lindsay Lacy)
Judging: ()
Title: (Chris Doyle)
Subhead: (Kevin Dopart)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!