The Invitational Week 90: Stick It
An election bumper sticker contest. Plus winning fad ideas to outdo 'fridgescaping.'
Gene Weingarten and Pat Myers
Sep 19, 2024


Hello. This week’s contest was proposed by reader Nancy Meyer, who suggested that we create bumper stickers for use in the next few weeks leading up to a reckoning over The Most Important Presidency in Our Lifetimes (except for the lifetime of the elderly Czar, who tragically was eating strained prunes during the waning days of the Harry Truman administration, after his unexpected defeat of Thomas Dewey, which birthed the Marshall Plan, which saved Western Europe and assured the perpetuation of democracy across the globe, but also inadvertently triggered the Cold War, the partition of Berlin, etc. But that is a complex story for another time).

Ms. Meyer proposed this bumper sticker:

Show Compassion for Dementia
But DON’T VOTE FOR IT
In short order, reader Barrett Swink came up with another one:

BID NO TRUMP
So that’s the contest. We are looking for “funny,” but “brilliant and effective” will work, too. Most important: originality. If you come up with an idea, consider first whether many others are likely to propose it. Those submitted by more than three people won’t get individual ink.

For Invitational Week 90: Create an original bumper sticker slogan — 15 words or fewer — for the 2024 presidential election. It can be for either Harris or Trump, or any other proposed candidate out there, real or fictitious. (Alert: If you choose the latter category, it had better be damn good.) And you could even do one for just a vice presidential candidate.

Formatting this week: As usual, we ask only that you write each of your entries in a single line (i.e., don’t push Enter in the middle of the entry).

Deadline is Saturday, Sept. 28, 2024, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 5. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-90.


This week’s winner receives something we are certain you do not already have: a collectible minor-league baseball figurine of one Ricky Williams, starting left fielder for the South Atlantic League’s Piedmont Boll Weevils in 1996-97, but who left to join a team with an arguably more dignified name, the Batavia Muckdogs. Mr. Williams never made it out of single-A ball, where he batted .192. He did, however, do pretty well in his second, simultaneous sport, college football at the University of Texas, where he won the Heisman Trophy as a running back. Professionally, he played for the New Orleans Saints and the Miami Dolphins, gaining many yards and much glory, until he retired at the height of his career in 2004 after failing three drug tests for pot. He made several brief returns to pro football, and coached another team with a dignified name, which is, we swear, the University of the Incarnate Word. He wound up losing $3.1 million to a bogus financial adviser named Peggy Ann Fulford, who served 10 years in prison. Today, Mr. Williams is a certified yoga instructor. He has a tattoo of Mickey Mouse on his left biceps.

This super-fine prize was donated by Kathy Sheeran of Mudwump, Vienna, Va.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Meanwhile, send us questions or observations, which Gene hopes to deal with in real time today. You do this, as always, by sending them to this here button:

this here button

LOL the Rage: The fad-ideas of Week 88
In Invitational Week 88 we asked you to come up with an even sillier idea than “fridgescaping,” the true but not-really-a-trend of decorating the inside of your refrigerator with flowers, framed pictures, and the like.

For perhaps the first time in our storied history, real life intruded with a real-life example of a new, real-life fad, one that rivals in its stupidity many of the actual inking entries below. Before most entries were even received, alert reader Terri Berg Smith wrote in to say she wasn’t going to submit entries because she couldn’t think of a better one than this real one, also chronicled by the New York Times: artfully arranging your pocket items and such in a TSA conveyer belt bin at the airport, then posting your creations on Instagram. Says Terri: “I pity the fool who holds up the security line taking the time to do this. Shouldn’t we have seen articles about the altercations they cause?”

Here’s an example published by the Times:

A gray bin with shoes, a perfume, a passport, a purse and gold glasses in it.
What, just throw your crap into the basket without even taking a photo? TSA bin art by Natasha Ahmed
Back to our contest:

Third runner-up:
Last-step food delivery: Make dinner even more convenient with tableside spoon-feeding services, like Open Wide and MouthDash. Try the chopsticks option! (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Second runner-up:
Instead of rooftop solar panels, rooftop nuclear reactors. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

First runner-up:
So you use an e-reader these days — that doesn’t mean you can’t still show off all you’ve read. Impress your friends and neighbors with bookshelves filled with framed pictures of all those books. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

And the winner of the grumpy socks:
Study-abroad preschool. (Duncan Stevens)

Fad Nauseam: Honorable mentions
Inspired by RFK Jr.’s bear tale, it’s now the thing to make TikToks of leaving dead specimens of different species in Central Park. (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Precision dental care: A set of 32 toothbrushes, each customized to a single tooth. (Duncan Stevens)

Micromarathons: Introductory-level races covering 26.2 feet. (Jesse Frankovich)

Same-sex pet weddings. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

All You Can’t Eat restaurants: Come in and smell the food for $9.99 for the first ten minutes; extra charge for steak and lobster aroma. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Stage your own livestreamed colonoscopy, from proctology-themed save-the-date evites (“This is a stickup!”) to real-time narration of the procedure. Make sure you include a surprise at the end! (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Soundtracking: It’s an app that lets you add exciting musical backgrounds to everyday tasks. Every commute has a thrilling car chase theme! Every lunchtime microwave reheating adds a suspenseful crescendo as the timer approaches zero! (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Talk Like Jane Austen Day offers a most agreeable respite from the ignoble sort of intercourse that so vexes us in today’s coarse and ill-bred times. Observed on the birthday of its illustrious namesake, it is swiftly gaining favor among those of a literary persuasion. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

A Christmas tree tied to the roof of your car makes a charming picture. Why not leave it there, fully lit and decorated, spreading holiday cheer wherever you go? And you'll avoid littering the floor with pine needles. Batteries not included. (Jonathan Jensen)

Bar patrons, urine luck! The latest trend is to serve cocktails in sample-collection cups, with your name on a sticker. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Bonsai cannabis plants. (Tom Witte)

Cavecore: A lifestyle that celebrates a return to prehistoric living. Wear bearskin hides; decorate your walls with berry-dyed stick figures depicting a mammoth hunt. A perfect complement to a paleo diet. (Jesse Frankovich)

Couples defoliate each other’s pubes, then wear their partners’ nether-curls in vials around their necks. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Create earrings for your car’s side mirrors. (Leif Picoult)

Depends thongs. (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

Nothing says country charm like an authentic, hand-built outhouse in your backyard. And what could be more convenient for outdoor entertaining? (Jonathan Jensen; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Don’t banish kitty to the corner: Center your living space with a cat box Zen garden, with bonsai to pee on and little rakes to create designs around the poop-rocks. (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.; Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Elaborate “menarche parties” for girls’ first meeting with their Aunt Flo. Red dresses are de rigueur. (Jon Ketzner)

Plastic lawn platypuses. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

Reverse sandwiches: In this whimsical deconstruction, the meat and toppings are on the outside and the bread is in the middle. (Leif Picoult)

Paint eyeballs on your car’s headlights. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Work-from-homers say their moods improve when they paint winsome smiles under the slots of their electric outlets. (Dan Steinbrocker, Los Angeles)

Tat Your Baby! Funny clown faces, sparkly unicorns, or the ever-popular
“❤️ Mommy.” You’ll be sure that Jaden or Kayla will never forget you. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Uneven-heeled shoes. Put some extra oomph in your walk. One-inch left heel and two-inch right heel per pair. (Rob Cohen)

Pretend You’re in an Opera: Delight your family and co-workers with spontaneous arias when you’re telling the kids to get ready for school, announcing next quarter’s sales projections, feeding the dog…. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Make cute bling to decorate your ankle monitor — call it your harm bracelet. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.; Sam Mertens; Roy Ashley)

Never worry about mold again when it’s integrated into your Rainforest Shower concept. (Kevin Dopart)

Troughing It: As a counter-trend to very demure, very mindful eating, foodstuffs are all slopped together into a feedbox. (Jeff Contompasis)

Rice is bad for birds; confetti is trash: As the happy couple walks out, toss something eco-friendly, like grass clippings, eggshells, or your own cut hair or underarm shavings, tinted in natural dyes in the wedding theme colors. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Vaginoplasty and Prince Albert reveal parties: After running naked through a cheerleader tunnel, of course. (Kevin Dopart)

Your significant other will think it sublime
If on Valentine’s Day you speak strictly in rhyme.
It's a lot more romantic than buying a card,
Though maintaining a consistent poetic meter is hard. (Jonathan Jensen)

Welsh Wordle: Get 60 chances to guess a 50-letter word. (Jesse Frankovich)

The headline “LOL the Rage” is by Jesse Frankovich; Jesse and Chris Doyle each submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 21: our Week 89 contest to compare two people who have the same initials. Click on the link below.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Nancy Meyer)
Examples: (Nancy Meyer; Barrett Swink)
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle)
Prize: (Kathy Sheeran)
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!