Week 88: The Cold New Trend
What would be an even sillier new fad than decorator refrigerator shelves? Plus a hamster named Shaquille O'Wheel, and other great monikers for pets.
Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten
Sep 05, 2024

The central tenet of fridgescaping? Even your fridge can be beautiful.
A “fridgescape” by Lynzi Judish.
Hello. We direct your attention today to this recent feature article from CNN.com, reporting what is purported to be a new fad called “fridgescaping,” in which you decorate the inside of your refrigerator with framed portraiture, floral arrangements, porcelain figurines, and so forth. News sites are thirsty for such scented fluff to distract people from the day’s usual politics and ordinary mayhem; one gets the impression that these stories are perhaps not checked all that strenuously to verify they are really, you know, a thing. (The impracticality of this one is adorable: In one of the fridge photos, there appears to be a single, unwrapped, congealing sliced-in-half PB&J on white bread, sandwiched forlornly among crockery, candles, and so forth.)

For Invitational Week 88: What supposed fad would be even stupider than fridgescaping, and might particularly appeal to gullible media outlets on a hunt for froth? The key is happy, lightweight so-called trends you invent. They can be about interior design, food, fashion, or any other fad-worthy behaviors. More examples:

Wigs for your fingers! A different one for each digit!
Wearing a second, nicer pair of shoes around your neck for better visibility and no sole-scuffing.
Brocaded window treatments for your car.
Bathroom chandeliers!
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Formatting this week: As usual, we ask only that you write each of your entries in a single line (i.e., don’t push Enter in the middle of the entry).

Deadline is Saturday, Sept. 14, 2024, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Sept. 19. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-88.

This week’s winner receives this pair of grumpy gray socks. Back in Week 79 we offered the cheerier version, but come on, how do you really feel in the morning when you’re putting your socks on?


ANGSTLE SOCKS: This week’s prize.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Animal Zingdom: The pet names of Week 86
In Invitational Week 86 we asked for some funny names for pets. We were delighted to discover that few of the entries on our shortlist were widespread online (sorry, cat named Meow Zedong, the dachshunds named Frank and Longfellow, and Fleas Navidad the Chihuahua) — and some were even actual Googlenopes, with no other mention until now.

Third runner-up:
Beagle: Anna Shmear (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Second runner-up:
Hamster: Shaquille O’Wheel (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

First runner-up:
Beaver: Mulva (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

And the winner of the googly-eyes glasses:
Centipede: Imelda (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

At a Farm Upstate: Honorable mentions
Crab: Hans Crustacean Andersen (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Dog: G.R.R. Tolkien (Jesse Frankovich)

Pet rock: Cary Granite (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Donkey: Jóte (David Muhlbaum, Bethesda, Md., a First Offender)

Baltimore L’Oréal: A bold and confident bird, its iconic colors blazing forth in luxuriant radiance. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore, a distinguished gray)

Alaskan Malamute: Elon Mush (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Bard Owl: It struts and frets for an hour, and then is heard no more. (Jonathan Jensen)

Bat: Sonar Sotomayor (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Bear: Ursine Bolt (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Beaver: Dr. Phil McGnaw (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Boa constrictor: Julius Squeezer (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.; Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.; Michael Stein)

Boa constrictor: Nat King Coil (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Boxer mix: Jake LaMutta (Michael Stein)

Sphynx cat: Kamala Hairless (Jon Gearhart; Jesse Frankovich)

I think I’m gonna name my cat Mandu. That’s really, really what I wanna do. — B. Seger (Jon Gearhart)

Chameleon: Hidey Klum (Jesse Frankovich)

Chicken: Yolko Ono (Stephen Dudzik)

Chihuahua: Jack the Yipper (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Chihuahua: José Fleasiano (Jeff Shirley)

Collie: Boutros-Boutros (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Deer: Venison Van Gogh (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Electric Eel: Buzz Eeldrin (Leif Picoult)

Emotional support dog: Calmala (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Hamster: Green Eggs Ann. (Jon Gearhart)

Llama: Mark Spits (Jeff Shirley)

Marcia the Penguin (Jon Gearhart)

Rooster: Westclox (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Sheep: Baa Baa O’Riley (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Snail: U . . .sain . . . Bo . . . lt (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.; Pam Shermeyer)

Snake: Wyatt Herp (Duncan Stevens)

Spider: Andrew Lloyd (Jesse Frankovich)

Persian cat: Le Chat of Iran (Stephen Dudzik)

Antelope: Chamois Sosa (Chris Doyle)

Maddowlark: The natural enemy of the Red-Capped Nutjob. (Jonathan Jensen)

A Xoloitzcuintli dog named Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (Craig Dykstra)

The headline “Animal Zingdom” is by Jesse Frankovich; Duncan Stevens wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 7: our Week 87 contest to change a quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. Click on the link below.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Judging: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Duncan Stevens)
Prize: ()
Add:H:1588: ()
VisibleInk!