Invitational Week 41: As the Word Turns
'Discover' new words like OUCHPAL by snaking through this random grid. Plus winning Dylan + 1 rhymes.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
OCT 12, 2023

-- A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V --
01 L Y I R J K R L B Y J G B R X A Y D B R J R 01
02 T S A Y A T J Y Q Y K J R K U L A T S O P K 02
03 W E C V V F A D S Z O L K T L W R J Q D M R 03
04 T E A V L N A P N S X A O L A Y N D L Y R V 04
05 C H P A E L L A P S I M I T N P T G M T M J 05
06 E C T D L N Y W E E A S N C P M E P L Y E B 06
07 L T I W T P N H Y T T U D Y Q L M L D L J B 07
08 A J Y B M L C Y O J J B R Y O U O O A L O X 08
09 I T W T Y E L N A J D D N H D V I N O O D D 09
10 D T V P E D S C D Y V D S B C T D T Z L C G 10
11 L B T S L N K X G G T S A T H T I Y E H G L 11
12 D F E X R A N M M R A M I S I Y D B A X D I 12
13 X B R L L Z L P L U N P C E E K Y L P K Y Y 13
14 N T Y O R Y R J O L B I E L F J L G O N A T 14
15 L Y P J N M T Y L L G A P K S A M A D H Q L 15
16 A E T Y K T L B Y Y L L O C H P L Z O P O A 16
17 Q L R E L Z Z I F J X A L U G A M L M O E O 17
18 Y J L Y I B D W M J K I A H R A A P B R R B 18
19 Q J R A W M N T V D Z A M C D R I A O I P N 19
20 Q N W M C B I W M G B J Y V N E T E E Q Q Y 20
21 Y L P N Y M V N X Y T M P K T Q Q L T M P K 21
22 X M N T D K M Y Z R M P J A M M T B R Y X R 22
-- A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V --


The Invitational:

Beginning on M-16: OUCHPAL: Your bondage partner.
E-16: KNOLLERY: JFK assassination obsession. “Yeah, Chuck wants to visit Dealey Plaza for our vacation again.”

R-9: NODLY: How you fake interest in your lunch date’s recitation of troubles with the office photocopier.

We’re making the Invitational grid again! Here’s the perfect contest for those Gene Poolers who aren’t inclined to, say, spend a week writing an elaborate song parody: There are lots of possibilities just sitting there. For Week 41: “Discover” a humorous new word or multi­word term by tracing a path through the randomly generated grid above — in any direction or several directions, up, down, back, forth, diagonally, but always using contiguous squares — and define the result, as in the examples above (“ouchpal” is the one traced out). You can’t trace over the same spot on the grid twice. Using the word in a funny sentence can help you get the ink over someone else who “found” the same term.

Begin each entry — you can send as many as 25 — with the coordinates of your first letter (e.g., C-­12) as above; we’ll trace it from there. Letter-hyphen-number. And you must put the coordinates, word, and definition all on the same line — don’t hit Enter between them. (You should be able to print out the grid from this link.)

Click here for this week’s entry form. Or go to bit.ly/inv-form-41. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

Deadline is Saturday, Oct. 21, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 26.

The winner gets, just in time for Halloween, a “Glow Knife” headband that makes it look as if a translucent green plastic knife is going through you. Complete with its name in Danish.


If you’re driven mad by trying to trace those letters through that grid, here’s evidently one way to achieve serenity.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of ten nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.


The Rhymes They Are a-Changin’: The Dylan tailgaters of Week 39
In Week 39 we invited you to choose any line from Writer of Many, Many Lines Bob Dylan, and rhyme it with your own line, in a couplet that the light-verse world calls a tailgater. We especially liked Frank Osen’s “I am a man of constant sorrow/ You brought me pizza from Sbarro,” but tragically, “Man of Constant Sorrow” is an old folk song; Dylan’s credited only as arranger.

Third runner-up:
In a soldier’s stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach
And then left the school board meeting to inject myself with bleach.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Second runner-up:
“Go on back to see the gypsy, he can move you from the rear.”
They sure have funny ways of saying “colonoscopy” ’round here.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

First runner-up:
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children —
The laws here in Texas are simply bewild’rin’.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

And the winner of the human-heart stress-relieving squeezy thing:
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes,
The four-inch heels we gals must wear while working for Fox News. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Blowin’: Honorable mentions
But I would not feel so all alone —
Everybody must get cloned. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Come senators, congressmen, please heed the call,
But don’t yank that fire alarm on the wall.
(Frank Osen; Duncan Stevens)

I’d a-done anything for that woman if she didn’t make me feel so obligated
To similarly please her every time I got fellated. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Del.)

I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken—
In a string of emoji their nonsense was spoken. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

“No reason to get excited,” the thief he kindly spoke.
“Just find 11,780 votes for me and not that other bloke.” (Jesse Frankovich)

Ring bell, hard to tell if anything is goin’ to sell
Unless it’s Girl Scout Do-si-dos, which every year do very well. (Chris Doyle)

We sat in her kitchen while her mama was cooking.
“Shouldn’ta cooked her,” said the cops at the booking. (Duncan Stevens)

Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone
If you’d just pardon me like Roger Stone. (Kevin Dopart, Naxos, Greece)

I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind
But what’s that “Kick Me” sign on my behind? (Duncan Stevens)

Although it’s tradition to have a bris,
You took a part of me that I really miss. (Judy Freed)

But I would not feel so all alone
If only I could charge my phone. (Bill Jacobs, Fairfax, Va., a First Offender)

Once I had mountains in the palm of my hand —
Carpal tunnel surgery cost me six grand. (Frank Osen)

Well, you walk into the room like a camel and then you frown —
Perhaps you shouldn’t wear a backpack underneath your gown (Frank Osen)

We never did too much talking anyway.
Ted Cruz went first on Filibuster Day. (Duncan Stevens)

“Disillusioned words like bullets bark”
Is a simile that went wide of the mark. (Frank Osen)

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did tricks for you
But you cannot take your eyes from the Trumpers telling lies while they act like dicks for you (David Franks, Washington County, Ark.)

Darkness at the break of noon?
Why’d we go to Antarctica in June? (Duncan Stevens)

Early one mornin’ the sun was shinin’, I was layin’ in bed
Chucklin’ about how much money I made back tourin’ with the Dead (Gregory Dunn, Alexandria, Va.)

Everybody knows that baby’s got new clothes
She spat up on her onesie — seven washings, still it shows. (Duncan Stevens)

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
This way I don’t have to pay the streaming fee (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

I ain’t lookin’ to block you up.
That’s why I put prune juice in your cup. (Judy Freed)

I must admit I felt a little uneasy when she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe
Together with Crazy Glue. (Frank Osen)

That it is not he or she or them or it that you belong to;
Your pronouns no one can dictate, for it is surely wrong to. (Mark Raffman)

I’ve got a hole where my stomach disappeared
These Ozempic side effects are beyond weird (Frank Osen)

They’ll stone you when you're playing your guitar
Which means you ain’t cut out for Juilliar’. (Gary Crockett)

And Last: To ease the pain of idleness and the memory of decay
I've been reading through Bob Dylan lyrics sixteen hours a day. (Chris Doyle)

And Even Laster: She tries to write a chiasmus — it sounds so darn banal.
She knows there’s no success like failure and that failure’s no success at all. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

The headline “The Rhymes They Are a-Changin’” is by Jesse Frankovich; both Kevin Dopart and Tom Witte submitted the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, Oct. 14: Our Week 40 contest for song lyrics about anything in the news right now, either in parody lyrics or a video. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-40 for full directions.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Kevin Dopart; Tom Witte)
Prize: (Roy Ashley)
VisibleInk!