The Invitational Week 39: Tailgating on the Highway
Pair a Dylan line with your own rhyming one. Plus winning 'backronyms.'
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
SEP 28, 2023
03 Crossroads Sign - Highway 61 - Delta Blues Museum - Shopping Cart

Come gather ‘round, people . . . and try the new contest
Abe said, “Where do you want this killin’ done?”
And God said, “On the Outer Loop, which is backed up from the John Hanson Highway to Route 1.”

Johnny’s in the basement, mixin’ up the medicine
As I listen to this on antiquated vinyl technology invented by Thomas Alva Edison.

And it’s a-hard, it’s a-hard, it’s a-hard, it’s a-HARD …
… So, babe, let me slip you this stiff calling card.

This week’s contest was suggested by Loser Jon Ketzner, who finds himself with a lot more Invite ink now that he’s no longer under the thumb of the Washington Post Taste Police (see today’s results, below, for example). Jon suggests a Dylan “tailgaters” contest: For Week 39: You choose a line from a song written by Bob Dylan, then pair with your own rhyming line. Your line may either follow Dylan’s real line or precede it. (Dylan himself does not have to have rhymed his line.)

The first example above was written by Dave Zarrow, for an old Style Invitational contest that had nothing to do, theme-wise, with Bob Dylan.

Most of Dylan’s lyrics are conveniently online at bobdylan.com/songs, but they’re also all over the Web.

Click here for this week’s entry form. Or go to bit.ly/inv-form-39. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form. Please see this week’s form for important formatting instructions.

Deadline is Saturday, Oct. 7, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Oct. 12.

The winner gets a bright red, surprisingly detailed squeeze “ball” in the shape of the human heart, featuring the logo of Philadelphia’s Mutter Museum of medical history. Donated by 442-time Loser Dave Prevar, who picked it up on a Loserfest vacation weekend a few weeks ago.

You can sing your Dylan tailgater to organ accompaniment: This week’s heart-gripping prize.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of ten nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Meanwhile, we need questions / ruminations / observations that Gene can answer right here, in real time. Send ’em to this tasteful orange button:

Ask a question!

INK: Infamy, Not Kudos — backronyms of Week 37
In Week 37 we asked for “backronyms” — you choose a word or name, then treat it as an acronym, as if its letters stood for your description. These worked better when you opted to spell the word/name correctly, which many of you did. (Hint: The car isn’t a “Telsa.”)

Third runner-up: OPPENHEIMER: (1) Overcome Physics Problems. (2) Enable Nightmarish Human/ Environmental Incineration. (3) Miserably Express Remorse. (Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.)

Second runner-up: 2024: 2 0minous 2 4tell (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

First runner-up: BEETLEJUICE: Breasts Embraced, Erection Tugged, Lauren (Elected Jackass) Ushered Into Colorado Evening (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

And the winner of the jesterish foam hat in Mardi Gras colors:
WRITERS’ STRIKE: (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

(N)OTABLE (O)THER (P)ROUD (E)FFORTS:
Honorable mentions
MELANIA TRUMP: Marry, Eventually Leave, And Negotiate. I’ll Acquire Tremendous Riches Under My Plan. (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

LYCRA: Lets Yoga Classmates Regard Asses (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

X: Xhe Xeirdest Xndustrialist’s Xemper Xantrum Xstablished Xebranding (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

FLORIDA: Funny Land Of Raging Idiots Dodging Alligators (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

IOWA: I’m Overwhelmingly White, America (overwhelmingly white Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

CHATGPT: College Help App: The Great Professor-Tricker (John Cherniavsky, Arlington, Va., a First Offender)

McCARTHY: Mismanaging Clown Car After Recruiting Those House Yutzes (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.; Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

KAMALA: Kept As My Advantageously Lackluster Alternative – J.R.B. (Kevin Dopart)

HAWAII: Heavenly Area With An Intermittent Inferno (Jon Gearhart)

HARLAN CROW: Helped Arrange Riskless Loan After Noticing Clarence’s Rusty Old Winnebago (Chris Doyle)

BEER: Belly Expands, Erudition Retreats. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

CAT: Cunning Allergen Transmitter (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

GIRAFFE: Gee, I Really Am Fucking Freakishly Excellent (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

TUCKER: Twit Unctuously Cheers Kremlin, Encourages Racists (Duncan Stevens)

VLADIMIR PUTIN: Vicious, Lying And Dangerous, I Murder Indiscriminately. Russians! Please Understand This Is Necessary! (Stephen Gold, London)

LYFT: Look, Your Fare Tripled! (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

SCOTUS: Six Conservatives Out To Upstage Scalia (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

SELF-DRIVING CAR: “Sleep! Enjoy Life! Fuhgedabout Driving! Rela-a-ax! I’m Very Into Navigating! (Glitches, Crashes Are Rare...)” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

SIGMUND FREUD: Sexual Innuendo Grand Master. “Unsurprisingly, Nocturnal Donut Frenzy Reflects Erotic Unconscious Desires” (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

WOMAN: Weary Of Manspreaders And Neanderthals (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

OLIVES: Only Licorice Is Viler Entree Spoiler (Pam Shermeyer)

And Last: GENE: Generally Entertaining, Not Edifying (Janet Hlatky, Herndon, Va.)

The headline “INK: Infamy, Not Kudos” is by the infamous Jeff Contompasis; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 30: Our Week 38 contest for witticisms using chiasmus — sort of mirror image, like “If you’re planning to take a drive on the Beltway, don’t start by taking a belt in the driveway.” Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-38 for full directions.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: (John Ketzner)
Examples: (Dave Zarrow)
Title: (Jeff Contompasis)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
VisibleInk!