The Invitational Week 36: U ♥ TFG's BFFs
Plus winning 'mirthdays,' finding parallels between two people with the same birthday.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
SEP 7, 2023

(Picture highlighting the haircuts of Boris Johnson and Moe Howard)
June 19 birthday boys Boris Johnson and Moe Howard, brought to our attention
by Loser Kevin Dopart. See more natal-day linkages in today’s results below.

Okay, now for the new contest. For Invitational Week 36: We are asking all of you to reach out to beleaguered Trump supporters and bathe them in the warmth of your love, to help bind the nation’s wounds. More details below, but first, to get you in the mood, here is a song written and performed by veteran Loser Jonathan Jensen, who plays string bass in the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD1U3cs0yio

Back to the notion of loving Trump lovers: There are two categories of entries we will accept:
1. A reason to feel compassion for Trumpers in this difficult time, and
2. A reason to respect and admire them.
Examples:

Compassion: Have you seen how much bootleg ivermectin costs these days?

Respect: They’re admirably loyal to their guy, just like that nutcake rabbi who was imploring Nixon not to resign even while the escape helicopter was already on the White House lawn and the president was having animated, paranoid conversations with paintings of previous presidents.

This contest was suggested by Tom the Butcher (aka Tom Shroder).

Click here for this week’s entry form. Or go to bit.ly/inv-form-36. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form.

Deadline is Saturday, Sept. 16, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Sept. 21.

The winner gets a very nice coffee mug labeled Freudian Sips. Donated by Kathy Sheeran of Vienna, Va.

Freudian Sips
Best enjoyed with just a cigar. This week’s prize.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of ten nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a sweet email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for those who’ve just lost their Invite virginity.

Same-Day Deliveries: Shared birthdays from Week 34
In Week 34, we asked you to link two people who have or had the same birthday.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! With the insane amount of ink he earns this week — a personal-best six entries — Roy Ashley, a Loser since 1995 who turned 81 last month, boings with a hop, skip and jump right into the Invitational Hall of Fame with his 500th inking entry, becoming its seventeenth member. Roy’s first ink was in a contest for Bad Analogies: “The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and ‘Jeopardy!’ comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.”

The world’s youngest-looking octogenarian: Roy Ashley, Loser since Week 120, at the Invitational’s 2019 Flushies awards.
Mirthdays:

Third runner-up: Zinedine Zidane (born 6-23-1972): That headbutt! Clarence Thomas (6-23-1948): That butthead! (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Second runner-up: Richard Roundtree (7-9-1942): Shaft. Courtney Love (7-9-1964): Hole. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

First runner-up: Albert Einstein (3-14-1879) and Simone Biles (3-14-1997): They’re both flippin’ geniuses! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

And the winner of either a cake baked by the Empress or a pair of tiny biting-shark earrings: Robert M. “Fighting Bob” Lafollette Sr. (6-14-1855) and Donald Trump (6-14-1946): One was a champion of working stiffs, the other’s a champion of stiffing workers. (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

Twinners & Losers: Honorable mentions
Joe Arpaio (6-14-1932) and Donald Trump (6-14-1946):
Higgledy piggledy,
Joseph Arpaio, the
Toughest American
Sheriff was he,
Famous for being a
Hyperfanatical
Immigrant hunter and
Trump pardonee.
(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Neither Al Gore (3-31-1948) nor Chlodwig, Prince of Hohenlohe-Schillingsfürst (3-31-1819), invented the internet. (Kevin Dopart)

Hugh Grant (9-9-1960) and Joe Theismann (9-9-1949): Break a leg! (Roy Ashley)

Carlo Gambino (8-24-1902) and Cal Ripken Jr. (8-24-1960): Both reliably produced hits. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Saint Nicholas (3-15-270) gave money to the needy. Seventeen hundred years later, Jimmy Swaggart (3-15-1935) took it back. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Andrew Jackson (3-15-1767) and Jimmy Swaggart (3-15-1935) are both known for trails of tears. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Bob Fosse (6-23-1927): “All That Jazz.” Alfred Kinsey (6-23-1894): All that jizz. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Spanish soccer coach Luis Rubiales (8-23-1977) says he momentarily lost his head; Louis XVI (8-23-1754) could relate. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Warren Beatty (3-30-1937) and Secretariat (3-30-1970): Two guys who scored with a lot of fillies. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Richard Nixon (1-9-1913) and “Gilligan’s Island” actor Bob Denver (1-9-1935) were both at the center of terrible plots. (Jesse Frankovich)

Humphrey Bogart (12-25-1899) and Ghislaine Maxwell (12-25-1961): “Here’s looking at you, kid” had very different meanings for the two of them. (Michael Stein)

David Hasselhoff (7-17-1952) worked surrounded by big boobs. Camilla Parker Bowles (7-17-1947) works along just one big boob. (Roy Ashley)

Sylvester Stallone (7-6-1946) was known for a “Rocky” portrayal. George W. Bush (also 7-6-1946) was known for Iraqi betrayal. (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

Charles Barkley (2-20-1963): “The Round Mound of Rebound.” Sen. Mitch McConnell (2-20-1942): The Lie Guy of KY. (Jesse Frankovich)

Michael Jordan (2-17-1963) and Trump toady Rep. Jim Jordan (2-17-1964):
Two Jordans born this day: one full of grace,
Who swooped around the court with skill that’s rare,
And one whose “Biden bribes, a slam-dunk case!”
Consists, it always seems, of only Air.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Actor Verne Troyer (1-1-1969) and golfer Leonard Thompson (1-1-1969): Both had a good short game. (Leif Picoult)

Michelangelo (3-6-1475) and Shaquille O’Neal (3-6-1972): Only one of them needs a ladder to paint a ceiling. (Michael Stein)

Because of undying devotion, Gladys Knight (5-28-1944) rode the midnight train to Georgia; Rudy Giuliani (also 5-28-1944) took a plane. (Steve Smith; Leif Picoult)

Boxers Rocky Marciano (9-1-1923) and James “Gentleman Jim” Corbett (9-1-1866):
Inside the ring, from bout to bout,
They met their foes and knocked ’em out!
So why’s 9/1 the date they share?
12/26 seems much more fair.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Philosopher Réne Descartes (3-31-1596) and poet Octavio Paz (3-31-1914): “I think, therefore iamb.” (Dan Sachs, Pineville, N.C.)

Georges Seurat (12-2-1859): A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Grande Jatte. Aaron Rodgers (12-2-1983): A Sunday Afternoon on the Field of Green Jets. (Jesse Frankovich)

Christopher Columbus (10-31-1451): Made a daring trip and set foot in a new world; Apollo 11’s Michael Collins (10-31-1930): Made a daring trip and … well, close. (Beverley Sharp)

Cleavon Little (6-1-1939) and Yevgeny Prigozhin (6-1-1951)
Cleavon Little gained fame as a sheriff named Bart
In a flick that promoted the campfire fart.
While avoiding all tea and tall buildings, Prigozhin
Overlooked a quite different kind of explosion.
(Chris Doyle)

Thomas Edison (2-11-1847) and Alex Jones (2-11-1974): Known for illumination and the opposite. (Michael Stein)

Bruce Springsteen (9-23-1949) and Caesar Augustus (9-23-63 B.C.): Augustus was the Boss for only 42 years. (Kevin Dopart)

Jazzman Steve Lacy (7-23-1934) blew the sax really well. Monica Lewinsky (7-23-1973) knew a sax player really well. (Kevin Dopart)

Lou Gehrig (6-19-1903) and Moe Howard (6-19-1897) were among the 1930s’ top hitters. (Kevin Dopart)

Comedian Rowan Atkinson (1-6-1955): Mr. Bean. Comedian and Maxwell House shill Danny Thomas (1-6-1912): Mr. Coffee Bean. (Roy Ashley)

Bob Barker (12-12-1923) and Frank Sinatra (12-12-1915):
(To “New York, New York”)
Start comin’ on down! You’re playing today!
I am the handsome host of it— “The Price Is Right”!
These prizes astound — how much would you say?
Bid close but don’t go over it— The Price Is Right!

You want to be up on the stage with the big star,
And find you’re spinning the wheel! Winning a car!

A showcase profound we’re giving away
To you who gets most close to it— The Price Is Right!
Please help my pet crusade — make sure to get them spayed!
It’s up to you! The Price Is Right! (Jesse Frankovich)

Voldemort actor Ralph Fiennes (12-22-1962) played someone almost as evil and creepy as Ted Cruz (12-22-1970). (Jesse Frankovich)

John Locke (8-29-1632): Prominent Enlightenment figure. Michael Jackson (8-29-1958): Prominent lightenment figure. (Jesse Frankovich)

Julia Child (8-15-1912) and Trump finance guy Allen Weisselberg (8-15-1947): One is a writer of cookbooks, the other a writer of cooked books. (Michael Stein)

Vladimir Putin (10-7-1952) and Penthouse Pet Bree Olson (10-7-1986) have appeared topless in major American magazines. (Kevin Dopart)

Golf legend Bobby Jones (3-17-1902) and Stormy Daniels (3-17-1979):
He strode the fairways and the greens,
While she appeared in bedroom scenes.
But each pursued a single goal:
To get it quickly in the hole.
(Mark Raffman)

George Soros (8-12-1930) and Willie Horton (8-12-1951) both helped Republican candidates raise millions. (Steve Smith)

Muhammad Ali (1-17-1942) and Al Capone (1-17-1899):
With blazing fists and Tommy guns
These two men felled their foes.
Ali made boxers hit the mat,
While Al’s opponents just fell flat
And never more arose.
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Hermann Göring (1-12-1893) and Rush Limbaugh (1-12-1951): Actually, I don’t see any similarities at all. (Roy Ashley)

Frank Gifford (8-16-1930) and Kathie Lee Gifford (8-16-1953): Gee, with a shared birthday and the same last name, you’d think that maybe these two should have hooked up! (Roy Ashley)

Cher (5-20-1946) and Israel Kamakawiwo‘ole (5-20-1959): If they’d sung a duet, they’d have looked like the number 10. (Jon Ketzner)


Ron DeSantis (9-14-1978) and Amy Winehouse (9-14-1983)
(To “Rehab”)
Yo, Ron, send your campaign to rehab,
Polls are low, low, low.
Suck up to Trump? You look like a chump,
And faux, faux, faux.
In a hole so deep, won’t even make the stakes of veep.
Yo, Ron, send your campaign to rehab,
You’re out of dough, dough, dough. (Duncan Stevens)

Joanne Woodward (2-27-1930): Devotedly married to the same man for 50 years. Elizabeth Taylor (2-27-1932): Uh, wasn’t. (Steve Smith)

Mathematician Jacques Tits (8-12-1930): Famous for the Tits metric.” Country singer Porter Wagoner (8-12-1927): Famously boosted the career of Dolly Parton. (Steve Smith)

And Last: Sting (10-2-1951): “Can’t Stand Losing You.” Gene Weingarten (the very same date): “Can’t stand you, Loser.” (Jesse Frankovich)

And Even Laster: William Shakespeare (4-23-1564) and Judy Freed (4-23-1966):
He wrote with lofty eloquence.
She has a simpler mind.
His words are brilliant poetry.
She’s limerick-inclined.
In schools worldwide his works are read;
Their meanings one must teach.
No class is needed for the Loser-
Bard of Deerfield Beach. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

The headline “Same-Day Deliveries” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Chris Doyle; Tom Witte wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, Sept. 9: Our Week 35 contest for Muldoons, four-line verses that mention two body parts and a geographical name, and have at least one rhyme. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-35.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Tom Shroder)
Examples: (Jonathan Jensen)
Title: (Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle)
Subhead: (Tom Witte)
Prize: (Kathy Sheeran)
Add:H:1532:(Kevin Dopart)
VisibleInk!