The Invitational Week 33: Ask Backwards XLII
We give the answers. You give the questions. Plus winning neologisms.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
AUG 17, 2023

The answer: 100 cats in a two-bedroom apartment. What’s the question? See below. (Collage/jigsaw puzzle by Sergey Taran, PXPuzzles.com)

Okay, good. Now, the Invitational.

Q Cards: It’s Ask Backwards, Week 33
100 cats in a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment.
Only black licorice.
Barbie, Ken, and Kamala.
Ploppenheimer.
Oppenhopper.
No-Hit Wonder.
Heirloom Twinkies.
Donald Trump, PhD.
Arguably, they’re the same.
The Dirty Baker’s Dozen.
The 2024 Pantone Color of the Year.
Florida Dog.
A bad idea for an Invitational contest.

The last time The Invitational ran this contest, last November, it was unceremoniously yanked out from under us by The Washington Post — in a still unexplained rush to be rid of the Invite so quickly that we never had a chance to run the results.

We are indomitable. We fear nothing. We carry on. For Week 33: Above are the new answers; you follow them with the funny questions. Please use this Jeopardy-ish format: For each entry, first type the answer as above, followed by your question, in one long line; in other words, don’t push “Enter” between the answer and the question.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-33. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 26, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 31.

This week’s winner gets a sloth tea infuser — the cutest li’l sleepy-looking baby sloth that hangs over the rim of your teacup, basically peeing in the pool. Donated by Dave Prevar.

Slow Brew Sloth Tea Infuser
Clearly it could use a little more tea. This week’s prize. (harryanddavid.com)
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of ten nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a sweet email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for those who’ve just lost their Invite virginity.

The Rack Pack: New words from ScrabbleGrams letter sets
In Week 31 we once again asked you to coin your own words and phrases of six or seven letters from 33 old “racks” of the syndicated word game ScrabbleGrams. The Tile Invitational, we call it. Too many Losers to credit arranged EEMPRTU to TRUMPEE, variously described as a victim of scams, a victim of cruel policies, and toxic orange-tinged urine.

Third runner-up: ADHINPS > HIND SPA: A bidet. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

Second runner-up: DEFIILM > DEMILF: To make your mother less attractive to your friends. “Mom, where’s that bulky sweater with embroidered cats you look so good in?” (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

First runner-up: BEEGILL > LL BEIGE: The rap artist who wrote “Straight Outta Des Moines.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

And the winner of the bananaduck: AALMPSS > LAMP-ASS: What the cockroaches called the firefly. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

ABHSTUW > HAW BUST: Honorable mentions
AAGILMY > MAGA-LY: “The current crop of Republican candidates try to present themselves as MAGA-ly as possible.” (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City, Md.)

AAGILMY > GAYMAIL: Not sure what it is, but you definitely can’t send or receive it in Florida. (Seth Christenfeld, Briarcliff Manor, N.Y.)

AALMPSS > A.M. SLAPS: An alarm clock for people who really have trouble waking up. No snooze button on this baby! (Tom Witte)

AALMPSS > ASS LAMP: What you need when you think maybe that’s your elbow. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

AALMPSS > LAP MASS: The male package. “I dated Ralph for a while, but he was lacking in lap mass.” (Tom Witte)

AALMPSS > ALMPASS: To surreptitiously move the collection plate along without adding to it. (Jeff Contompasis)

AALMPSS > ASL-SPAM: A novel way to annoy deaf people. (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

AALMPSS > MAP LASS: The new Scots option on Siri. “Aye, Map Lass, find me the way to Gowkthrapple.” (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

AAWHSND: WAND ASH: The unfortunate ending of “Harry Potter and the Attempt to Roast Marshmallows.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

ABHSTUW > WHAT USB?: A question you never want to hear after your spouse has cleaned out your office. (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

ABILLNP > BALL-NIP: A disqualifying combo touch when playing Twister. (Jon Carter)

ACCILNO > COAL INC: The conscience of Joe Manchin. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

ACCILNO > LOIN AC: A string bikini. (Beverley Sharp)

ADDILMN > DAMNLID: One of the many in your cabinet that fit no known container in your kitchen, but you don’t dare throw away in case you ever find their mates. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

ADEGMNU > UGMEND: To add something awful. “The cake would have tasted great if she hadn’t ugmended it with fennel seeds.” (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

ADEIMTY > DIET YAM: What can you serve along with Tofurky to ensure no one attends Thanksgiving at your house? (April Musser, Georgia)

ADHINPS > HADSNIP: Term for a neutered dog. “He’s now a hadsnip, so he’s happy to lie around the house even when the poodle across the street comes out.” (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

ADHINPS > ANDSHIP: A polyamorous liaison. “My cousin Bob is married but also in a serious andship with a woman from the office.” (Karen Lambert)

ADHINPS > NADSHIP: A fraternity. (Neil Kurland)

AENNRTT > RANT, TEN: Part A of a review of a diatribe. “Rudy’s hair-dye-dripping news conference received a ‘Rant, ten; looks, three’ from the press.” (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

AEUKLPM > PALM UKE: Instrument that Hawaiian teenage boys play instead of choking a chicken. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

AINOORT > TOON AIR: Unique weather condition in which the atmosphere can suspend a large animal over the ground right up to the moment when it foolishly looks down. (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

AINRSTT > ARNTIST: Someone who’s not exactly the second coming of Van Gogh: “My, your son’s paintings are the work of a true arntist.” (Frank Osen; Karen Lambert)

AINRSTT > TIN STAR: “What we should give to CAPTURED soldiers!” – D.J.T. (Steve Smith)

AMOOPRT > ARMPOOT: “Mom, look what Jimmy taught me today during recess!” (Sarah Walsh)

AUYDLRN > YALDUN: What a Southern waitress asks before clearing your table. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

BEEGILL > LE BILGE: What the wine snob deemed the chardonnay you served at dinner. (Jonathan Jensen)

BEEGILL > LIB GLEE: According to the GOP, the emotion experienced while grooming children, witch hunting, and destroying America. (Karen Lambert)

BEHINOP > HI. NOPE!: The world’s shortest blind date. (Jonathan Jensen)

BEHINOP > HOPE BIN: The box of clothing where you put the clothes that you’re sure will fit again next year. (Pam Sweeney)

BEHORTT > THORBET: The best-selling frozen treat in Barcelona. (Jon Carter)

BEHORTT > THROBE: Garment designed to discreetly cover swelling genitalia. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

CDEIISU > SUIDICE: A game whose goal is crapping out — permanently. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

DEFIILM > DeMILF: A softcore schlock director. “With ‘Roller Derby Nymphos,’ Arturo officially became a Cecil B. DeMilf.” (Frank Osen)

EGIMOST > SOGTIME: The period between combining milk with cereal and the latter turning to mush; with Rice Krispies, approximately 10 seconds. (Jeff Contompasis)

AOOPRTT > TOTO-RAP:
“You got the rains in Africa? I bless ’em
A hundred men or more could not repress ’em
So hear the drums, don’t tell me my mind’s narrow
I know the Serengeti ain’t near Kilimanjaro.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

AOOPRTT > TOTO-RAP:
So proud to be my owner’s pet
You mess wit’ her, you might get wet
She’ll melt your ass before she’s through
So step off, witch, from her little dog too. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Because of a big ol’ goof by the Empress, for about six hours after we posted this contest, the list of letter sets we offered was last year’s. But that was just long enough for Janet Hlatky of Herndon, Va., to send in a whole list of entries, including this eminently inkworthy one: ABBMOST > BM BOAST: “Hello, Guinness Records? I’ve just made the biggest . . .” Janet earns a Fir Stink for her first ink.

The headline “The Rack Pack” is by Jesse Frankovich; “Q Cards,” submitted by both Kevin Dopart and Nan Reiner, was the headline for the results of an earlier Ask Backwards contest. Jeff Contompasis wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, Aug. 19: Our Week 32 Limerixicon contest for limericks featuring words beginning “ho-.” Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-31.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jeff Contompasis)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
Add:T:1551:(Kevin Dopart; Nan Reiner)
Add:H:1549:(Janet Hlatky)
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