Week 31: The Tile Invitational X
No, Elon hasn't bought us, yet. It's our 10th running of this coin-a-word game. Plus pangram sentences that leave ‘quick brown fox’ in the dust.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
AUG 3, 2023

LARDY ’UN: What Cletus is becoming now that the Hog Maw Buffet opened up down the street.

HAS WAND: Part of Harry Potter’s Tinder profile.

MALPUKE: Dry heaves.

LE GLOB: Is it true that the French had a term of endearment for President Trump?

In other words, you are going to have to to make new words from ScrabbleGrams letter sets, which you’ll see below.

Rack-Tile Dysfunction: ScrabbleGrams neologisms, Week 31
The Tile Invitational neologism contest carries on in its tenth iteration, a concept of Obsessive Loser Jeff Contompasis, who is also obsessive about the venerable only-in-print ScrabbleGrams word game, which appears daily in The Washington Post’s comics pages, under “Blondie.” Blondie herself, by the way, is 93 years old, but still very attractive.

Mr. Contompasis, or JefCon, as his legions of fans call him, regularly emails the Empress of The Invitational to point out that, for example, “I disagree with the 2/22 ScrabbleGrams solution.” A much better anagram for OEAOSCB, he opined that day, would be “BOOCASE: Shelves containing the works of ghostwriters.”

AT THIS ORANGE LINK THAT YOU CLICK ON RIGHT HERE is a list of 33 letter sets, the four above from this past Tuesday’s WaPo, the rest from the decades-old Big Book of ScrabbleGrams; each unscrambles into a real word, but of course that’s not the one we want. For Week 31: Rearrange the letters of any of the letter sets to create a new term, then define or describe it, as in the examples above. Your word may use all 7 letters or just 6, but you may use each letter in the set only once. (So if there are two L’s, you can use them both, but if there’s just one L, you can’t use it twice.) There’s a good chance that another Loser will make up the same word you did, so having a funny definition or description (e.g., a sample sentence) can be what gets you the ink.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-31. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form. Important: See the word list for how to format your entries.

Deadline is Saturday, Aug. 12, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, Aug. 17.

This week’s winner gets a bananaduck.

Bananaduck. (temu.com)
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of ten nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a sweet email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for those who’ve just lost their Invite virginity.

Abcdaring: Pangram sentences from Week 29
In Week 29 we asked for zingier pangrams — sentences that use all 26 letters of the alphabet — than the hoary “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” A number of Losers offered takes on that very line: our favorites were The quick brown fox kvells over the gimpy junkyard shih tzu (Chris Doyle); Quick brown fox, revise jumping plan – the dog is no longer lazy! (Duncan Stevens); and in a bit of sublime minimalism, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy god (Mark Asquino).

Third runner-up: “Jeez, if only I were an ex-slave!” the uniquely unskilled campaigner bellowed. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.),

Second runner-up: Boobies can be artificial, perky, juglike, or even X-rated, but blue-footed ones with quills may be the zaniest. (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)

First runner-up: Crave a fun new joke?
Q: Why did the ex-Prez shun the new MAGA-Barbie doll?
A: Nothing to grab her by! (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

And the winner of the ancient plush-cat cellphone cover: After cutting off his ear, Van Gogh examined himself in a mirror and joked, “That was a real doozy – I can wax only half eloquent, but at least I save fifty percent on Q-tips.” (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Alphabeaten: Honorable mentions
As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again, thanks to Cracker Jack, Trix, Cocoa Puffs, Smorz, and NesQuik. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Dolls for Liberty join movie boycott after ex-Prez questions whether Ken is transitioning. (Steve Smith)

Pop quiz: How do you find a just-divorced guy’s billions? A: Ex marks the spot. (Mark Raffman)

Acquitted of sex assault charges by a jury was manizer Kevin Spacey. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Jury found Kevin Spacey, like ex-bigwig Trump, can squeeze crotches. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Ex-Prez sulks, wanting quick verdict from jury. Boo-hoo. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Ew, Zaxby’s quick meal is just oven-fried gopher. (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va. — our shortest inking entry this week, fitting all 26 letters into just 38 total)

Fla. bans most letters — “can spell naughty words!” Alphabet’s now just IKQVXZ. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Foxworthy: “Zip-tied live on ‘Cops’ in ‘Q’ PJs? You might be a redneck!” (Jon Carter)

I’m sesquipedalian, but look, so are my friends — so nobody exclaims in jealous amazement when I whip out my huge vocabulary. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

“It was a Donald and Stormy night” — “Vixen and the Beast” is just quick, puffy sleaze. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

I‘d be partying and dancing waltzes tonight, except people wave me off and yell, “Just quit, klutz!” (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

My boy got expelled from school — with zero equivocation — just for cursing! I told him that’s fucked up. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

On the fifth day of Xmas my “true love” gave to me: Five onion rings! Four chicken wings, three French dips, two juicy subs, and a Double Quarter Pounder with cheez. (Mark Raffman)

Pickleball—aka “ping pong plus”—fazes exacting neighbors who enjoy mad-quiet living. (Leif Picoult)

Q: To be, or not? Just suffer crazy woes or mix it up and give life heck? (Jesse Frankovich)

The Florida governor’s campaign would ban queer sex, history books, and jazz. (Gary Crockett)

The toy box held a Pez dispenser, five jacks, a card game, aquatic gear, a Barbie, and a dildo. What?!! (Kathy El-Assal)

The turkey’s on the table; dinner's ready — nix the stressing!
You pop back in the kitchen for the gravy and the dressing.
But just when you return, it seems there’s been a canine theft:
The turkey’s looking quirky 'cause the gizzard's all that's left.
(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas, Texas, Arizona, Jersey, Idaho, Mississippi, or Quebec anymore! (Gary Crockett)

Twitter vizier’s lame remake, “X”: Fuggedaboutit! Hey, just an idea: cater to Trumpers, try “Q.” (Duncan Stevens)

When traveling, it’s great to find a bathroom that is nice;
The extra-clever French dreamed up a quality device!
A zappy spray from their bidet will make you fresh and clean;
They’re now all over Europe, so rejoice when you’re a-peein’! (Beverley Sharp)

Zuckerberg may be a shanda for the goyim, but never question that Musk is an asshole who just prescribed himself Preparation X. (Sam Mertens)

And Last:
The judgy Czar and Empress seek
A quipful inbox every week. (Jesse Frankovich)

And Even Laster: A man, a plan, a canal ... ugh, wrong wordplay! “Bvtzijxkfq!” Loser curses. (Duncan Stevens)

The headline “ABCDaring” is by Dave Prevar; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. The headline “Rack-Tile Dysfunction” is also by Jesse, from an earlier Tile Invitational contest.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, Aug. 5: Our Week 30 contest for bad ideas for reader polls. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-30.

See more about The Invitational, including our 2,600-member Facebook group, the Losers’ website, and our podcast.

The word list for this week's contest:

AAGILMY
AALMPSS
ABHILTU
ABHSTUW
ABILLNP
ACCILNO
ADDILMN
ADEGMNU
ADEIMTY
ADHINPS
AENNRTT
AHNPPUY
AINOORT
AINRSTT
AIOPRTY
AMOOPRT
AOOPRTT
BEEGILL
BEGINSS
BEHINOP
BEHORTT
CDEIISU
DEERSVW
DEFIILM
DEIJORY
EEMPRTU
EENRTUV
EFGIRRU
EGIMOST
AUYDLRN
AAWHSND
AEUKLPM
EOULLBG

InvisibleInk!
Idea: (Jeff Contompasis)
Examples: ()
Title: (Dave Prevar; Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead: (Jesse Frankovich)
Prize: ()
VisibleInk!