The Invitational Week 28: Put It in Bee-verse
Write a funny poem using a spelling bee word. Plus compare/contrast winners.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
JUL 13, 2023

How is a tiny Shriner motorcycle like Mike Pence’s presidential campaign? See today’s Invitational results below. (Big Dave Diode/Flickr)
Hello. Today the Gene Pool quenches your thirst for a new Invitational humor contest, Week 28, and delivers the results of Week 26. But first, as is our annoying tradition, we begin with an irrelevant Gene Pool Gene Poll. Here it comes.

The Invitational Week 28: Could You Put That in a Poem, Please?
It’s something that one’s been obliged to bestow.
The word, Latin-rooted, is oblatio.
It should be for a thing one might legally owe,
Not, say, for the act of fellatio.

The current Webster’s Third International Dictionary, the 12½-pound unabridged print version, boasts more than 470,000 entries, from a to zyzzogeton. And in its ever more daunting struggle to trip up its astonishing tweens, this year’s National Spelling Bee delved into that volume’s most obscure recesses. Let’s play with them.

In this week’s Invitational contest, Week 28: Write a humorous poem or tell a short joke (e.g., a riddle) using any word from Round 4 or later in the 2023 Scripps National Spelling Bee. The real meaning of the word should be clear, from context alone or by definition, as in the Czar’s example above — one we’re pretty sure will never be included in the Bee study packet. The Bee’s website doesn’t supply the meanings, but you can find them at m-w.com or by Googling, or just choose a word from the sample list below with oversimplified meanings (but links to the actual listings).

– You may use a slightly different form of the word (e.g., plural, past tense).
– Be sure to use the correct spelling of the word, which appears on the list to the left of however the kid spelled it in competition, correctly or not.

A few words from the lists (but choose from dozens more here in Rounds 4 through 15:
Psammophile (silent P): An organism that prefers or thrives in sandy soils or areas (this year’s final word).

Chumble: To gnaw or chew.

Ovination: Vaccination against sheep-pox by introducing sheep-pox to the body

Querken: To choke someone

Pridian (pri-DEE-an): Relating to yesterday or a previous day; former

Cnemis (nee-mis): tibia; plural is cnemides

Oblatio (o-BLAY-shee-oh): A payment for something that is owed

Leguleian: (leg-yu-LEE-an) [definition from a legal glossary] A type of lawyer who is known for being petty and argumentative. They often focus on small details and technicalities rather than the bigger picture.

Sorge (SOAR-guh): Concern, care bordering on anxiety (German for worry)

Aegagrus (ee-GAG-rus): Another name for a bezoar, a hard mass that can form in the intestine and once thought to have magical properties

Rommack (ROMMick): To play boisterously, to romp

Haysel (HAY-s’l): The haying season

Eukinetics (YOU-kinetics): The science of well-controlled body movement, such as dancing (takes a singular verb)

Ebau​choir (Ayy-bo-shwar): A chisel used for rough-hewing sculpture, as for a clay model

Nudicaul (nude-i-call): Having leafless stems

Opacate (either o-PAY-cate or O-pa-cate): To make opaque

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-28. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form. As with all our poetry/song contests, we make an exception to the one-line-per-entry rule: Just format the poems as they ought to look on the page. If you have multiple entries, it wouldn’t hurt to add a line of *** or —- or <><><><><><> etc. between the poems, since sometimes white space disappears on this end.

Deadline is Saturday, July 22, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, July 27.

This week’s winner receives a high-quality pair of striped Wicked Witch of the East over-the-knee socks, complete with “ruby slippers” as the feet. You can reenact the scene from The Wizard of Oz: Just put on the socks and lie on your back, and put a house on top of yourself. Donated by Universal Donor Dave Prevar.

Wicked Witch Socks product image 1 of 1 slide
This week’s really most sincerely first prize. (sockysock.com)
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of TEN nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a sweet email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for those who’ve just lost their Invite virginity.

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As You Liken It: Winning comparisons from Week 26
In Week 26 we continued our tradition of posting a list of random noun phrases and asking how any two were alike, different, or otherwise linked. A good one offered up by too many Losers: Dryer lint differs from Mike Pence’s presidential campaign in that only one might catch fire.

Third runner-up: The difference between Handel’s Messiah and Mike Pence’s presidential campaign: In the first, the hallelujahs are transcending; in the other, they’re trans-ending. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Second runner-up: The difference between a bathroom chandelier and Handel’s Messiah: Messiah only lasts through fifty-three movements. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

First runner-up: A visit to Antarctica: “Oh man, breathe cold air!” A bathroom chandelier: An anagram of that. (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

And the winner of the sandwich bags that look as if they’re infested with mold and roaches: The similarity between a tiny Shriner motorcycle and Mike Pence’s presidential campaign: One is in danger of being squashed by a fat man in a silly red hat, and the other is ridden by a Shriner. (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Tiddly Links: Honorable mentions
A tiny Shriner motorcycle and Pence’s campaign: Both are absurd, but it’s unlikely that the wheels will soon come off the motorcycle. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

A bathroom chandelier and love handles: Even when they’re in plain sight, Trump will deny he has either. (Jon Carter)

A bathroom chandelier: Tastelessness. Love handles: Waistlessness. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

A bathroom chandelier and Pence’s campaign: If you ask a January 6 Trumpite, each offers something worth hanging. (Kevin Dopart)

A box of chocolates: Nougats. Pence’s campaign: No guts. (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

A box of chocolates: Russell Stover. The front bumper of a ’55 Cadillac: Rust all over. (Chris Doyle)

A box of chocolates is like a tiny Shriner motorcycle: Both give you crushed nuts. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

A box of chocolates: Sampler. Love handles: Ampler. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

An AI love letter and a palindrome: The letter might begin, “Sore was I ere I saw Eros.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

An AI love letter and Pence’s campaign: They will both test the communication skills of a robot. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.; Jon Carter)

A palindrome and Pence’s campaign: “Stiff” fits. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

… Or: “Dud.” (Jesse Frankovich)

A palindrome vs. a silent fart: “A Butt tuba” can be just one of these. (Laura Clairmont, Venice, Fla.; Steve Geist, Mechanicsville, Va.; Duncan Stevens)

… Not to mention: Only one can be “a toot.” (Neil Kurland)

Love handles and a palindrome: Fat AF. (Jesse Frankovich)

A visit to Antarctica and a silent fart: Both are going to be a lot more tolerable if you have thick underwear. (Jon Carter)

A visit to Antarctica and the Pence campaign: Both are good activities if you don’t like crowds. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

A visit to Antarctica may originate in Chile, whereas a silent fart may originate in chili. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Both a bathroom chandelier and Pence’s campaign shed light on Donald Trump’s crap. (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

Chat GPT 23 and the front bumper of a ’55 Cadillac: Both will be viewed as quaint relics in 2024. (Mark Raffman)

Handel’s Messiah: Christ the Lord. Love handles: Christ, the lard! (Jesse Frankovich)

Love handles: Where you put your palms on a really good date. The space between your eyebrows: Where you put your palms on a really bad date. (Jesse Frankovich)

Love handles and Pence’s campaign: Only one is associated with the word “hip.” (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Pence’s campaign: Asking for a job. Chat GPT 23: Axing your job. (Kevin Dopart)

Pence’s campaign and dryer lint: Someone with talent could mold the lint into something appealing. (Kevin Dopart)

The front bumper of a ’55 Cadillac and a silent fart: Both sometimes precede skid marks. (Steve Geist; Jon Carter)

The space between the eyebrows and love handles: When you talk to women, it's better to look at the first than the second. Trust me on this. (Chris Doyle)

“The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light” is part of Messiah, but Handel probably wasn’t thinking of a bathroom chandelier. (Duncan Stevens)

The headline “As You Liken It” is by Jesse Frankovich; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, July 8: Our Week 27 contest to say how a particular company or organization might pander to the MAGA crowd. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-27.

Live streaming for Elden Carnahan’s memorial service
If you can’t make it to Saturday’s memorial service for Father of Loserdom Elden Carnahan (more about him here), you should be able to see a live stream on YouTube at this link or at bit.ly/eldenservice. The service begins Saturday, July 15, at 2 p.m. at Laurel Presbyterian Church, 7610 Old Sandy Spring Rd., Laurel, Md.

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