The Invitational Week 26: Same Difference
Our famous compare/contrast contest. Plus 'Finger Lickin' Goo' and other altered slogans.
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
JUN 29, 2023
1955 CADILLAC SERIES 62 Poster image 1
“The front bumper of a 1955 Cadillac,” one item on our random list for the Week 26 contest. (Poster listed on Etsy)

The Invitational Week 26: Same Difference, or Crack a Simile
A visit to Antarctica vs. Mike Pence’s presidential campaign: They’re both white wastelands, but only the first is likely to yield evidence of heating up.

A bathroom chandelier
A box of chocolates
A tiny Shriner motorcycle
A visit to Antarctica
Chat GPT 23
Handel’s Messiah
Love handles
Mike Pence’s presidential campaign
A palindrome
The space between your eyebrows
Dryer lint
The front bumper of a ’55 Cadillac
A silent fart
An AI love letter

It would help to be a skilled conspiracy theorist, but even if your tinfoil beret is at the cleaners, you still ought to give a try this week to discover some hidden links in our annual-ish random list of noun phrases.

For Week 26, tell us humorously how any two (or more) items on the list above are alike, different, or otherwise linked, as in the example above; the items were chosen by the Czar from among hundreds of random noun phrases offered up by the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook. If you’re not familiar with our Same Difference contest (or just want some more laffs), see last year’s results here.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-26. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form. There’s no special formatting this week except the usual request not to break up any individual entry with a line break (i.e., don’t push Enter within a single entry). This way the Empress can shuffle all the entries and not know how many she’s choosing from any one person.

Deadline is Saturday, July 8, at 4 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, July 13.

This week’s winner receives a four-pack of “Gross Sandwich Bags” that are supposed to scare off office-refrigerator thieves with pictures of moldy slices of bread with roaches crawling on them. The package helpfully translates it into French: “Sacs à sandwich dégoûtantes.” Donated by Dave Prevar.


How to sneak your caviar snack into the office without having to share.
Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in a variety of designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a sweet email from the Empress, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for those who’ve just lost their Invite virginity.

Ad-jestments: Altered product slogans from Week 24
In Week 24 we asked you to slightly change a slogan or tagline of a product or organization and use the result for a different one. Among the 750 entries, too many people to credit individually offered Cialis: The Quicker Pecker-Upper; transformed Subway’s “Eat Fresh” to Arby’s: Eat Flesh; suggested the Pornhub slogan Got MILF?; or repurposed the Army exhortation to Pee All That You Can Pee: Flomax.

Yup, this is another set of entries that would have been pulverized by The Post’s taste police.

Third runner-up:
Calvin Klein: Between Love and Madness Lies Obsession
American Psychiatric Association: Between Love and Madness Lies a Session (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Second runner-up:
Look, Ma, No Cavities! Crest.
Look, Pa, Three Cavities! Pornhub. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

First runner-up:
Subaru: Confidence in Motion
ExxonMobil: Confidence in Manchin (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

And the winner of the crab hat with claws and googly eyes:
Miller High Life: The Champagne of Beers
André: The Beer of Champagnes (Gregory Dunn, Alexandria, Va., in his first blot of Invite ink since 2016)

Plops and Fizzes: Honorable mentions
Built to Last: Ford
Guilt to Last: The Catholic Church (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.; Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Mountain Dew: Do the Dew
Grindr: Do the Dude (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Proud as a Peacock: NBC
Loud as a Peacock: MSNBC (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Pam cooking spray: Pam Helps You Pull It Off
Chaturbate.com: ‘Pam, Help Me Pull It Off!’ (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Reach Out and Touch Someone: AT&T
Reach Out and Touché Someone: U.S. Fencing Association (Jesse Frankovich)

U.S. Coast Guard: Semper Paratus
Adam & Eve Adult Toys: Some Apparatus! (Tom Witte)

De Beers: A Diamond Is Forever
Convent of the Sacred Heart: A Hymen Is Forever (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Adidas: The Brand with the Three Stripes
Saucony: The Brand with the .. hmm… Three Circles Inside a Thingamajig (Jon Carter)

Lucky Charms: They’re magically delicious!
Trump 2024: We’re MAGAly seditious! (Kevin Dopart)

ADT security: Always There
Grammarly: Sometimes ‘There,’ Sometimes ‘Their,’ Sometimes ‘They’re’ (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)

America Runs on Dunkin: Dunkin
America Runs on Bumpkin: CPAC (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Arby’s: We Have the Meats!
Credit Suisse Private Banking: We Meet the Haves! (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Dairy Management trade group: Behold the Power of Cheese
Kraft boxed dinners: Behold the Powder of Cheese (Chris Doyle)

Belong Anywhere: Airbnb
Be Long Anywhere: Viagra (Dan Steinbrocker, Los Angeles; Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.; Jeff Contompasis)

You’re in Good Hands: Allstate
Hand In Your Goods: The IRS (Tom Witte)

American Express: Don’t Leave Home Without It
Zoom: Don’t Leave Home (Steve Geist, Mechanicsville, Va.; Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

Every Kiss Begins with Kay: Kay Jewelers
Every Kiss Begins with ‘ ’Kay?’ National Sexual Violence Resource Center (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.; Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.; Karen Lambert)
Every Kid Begins with K: “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

KFC: Finger Lickin’ Good
Cinnabon: Finger Lickin’ Goo (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.; Jeff Contompasis)

Nike: Just Do It
Ex-Lax: Just Do-do It (Frank Mann, Washington, D.C.)
Trojan: Just Do ‘It’ (Tom Witte)
American Judges Association: Just? Do It. (Duncan Stevens)
Microsoft Training: Just Do IT (Jeff Contompasis)

Frosted Flakes: They’re grrrrrreat!
Southern Baptist Convention: They’re strrrrrraight! (April Musser, Georgia)

Lay’s: Betcha Can’t Eat Just One
Mustang Ranch: Betcha Can’t Lay Just One (Jon Ketzner)

California Milk Processor Board: Got Milk?
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: Got Milked? (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.) Ancestry.com: Got Ilk? (Tom Witte)

Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty!: Liberty Mutual
Puberty, Puberty, Puberty, Puberty! : Clearasil (Jeff Contompasis)

Burger King: Home of the Whopper
Mar-a-Lago: Home of the Whoppers (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
FIFA World Cup: Home of the Floppers (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Outback Steakhouse: No Rules, Just Right
The State of Texas: No Rights, Just Rules (Mark Raffman)

St. Pauli Girl Beer: You Never Forget Your First Girl
Boone’s Farm Wine: You Never Forget Your First Hurl (Jon Carter)

Stronger Than Dirt: Ajax
Older Than Dirt: The Rolling Stones (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Levi’s: Quality Never Goes Out of Style
National Organization for Women: Equality Never Goes Out of Style (Jeff Contompasis)
Costco: Quantity Never Goes Out of Style (Jesse Frankovich)

Apple: Think Different
The GOP: Think Deferent (Karen Lambert)
National Council of Teachers of English: Think Differently (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.; Dave Airozo)

You Deserve a Break Today: McDonald’s
You deserve a Beak Today: KFC (Neil Kurland)

And Last: Leave the Driving to Us: Greyhound
Leave the Drivel to Us: The Invitational (Tom Witte)

The headline “Ad-jest-ments” is by Jesse Frankovich; “Crack a Simile” is by Bill Dorner from an earlier Same Difference contest; Jon Carter wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 4 p.m. ET Saturday, July 1: Our Week 25 neologism contest. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-25.

See more about The Invitational, including our 2,600-member Facebook group, the Losers’ website, and our podcast.


InvisibleInk!
Idea: ()
Examples: ()
Title: (Jesse Frankovich; Bill Dorner)
Subhead: (Jon Carter)
Prize: (Dave Prevar)
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