The Invitational Week 19: A Crooning Achievement
Write a lyric for a politician to sing. Plus the winners of our toilet paper art contest!
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
MAY 11, 2023

Hello. Today we introduce a new Invitational contest based on the moment above, when the South Korean president broke into song at a recent state dinner at the White House.

And now, the Crooning Achievement: The Invitational Week 19
Our new contest is based on a suggestion by a reader of The Gene Pool, riffing off the moment at a recent White House dinner when South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol launched into an excellent version of American Pie. The still-anonymous reader suggested a contest in which we propose scenarios where some politician breaks into song that seems ironically appropriate, or devilishly pointed, or in some other way hilarious. The reader gave two examples: Barack Obama singing “Born in the U.S.A.” to a roomful of MAGA people, or Donald Trump, while entertaining Putin at the White House, singing to Vlad “This Land Is Your Land.”

We're going with that idea, with an additional requirement: You must write a new section to whichever song that the pol will throw in. To demonstrate, the Czar took the reader’s two suggestions and ran with them:

Trump, as Woody Guthrie, to Putin:
This land is your land, this land is my land
They say you rolled me, and that you’re vile and
A tyrant bloody — but you’re my buddy!
This land was made for you to screw.

Obama, as Springsteen, to the MAGAs:
Got me in a little birther jam,
Big orange fella asks from where I am.
Am I a Yank, because he has his doubt.
Here’s my baby papers! Kenya ooze on out?
I was BORN in the U.S.A. …

So for Week 19: Add a verse or two to a well-known song that a politician might humorously sing. Set the scene if needed. You can choose any politician, or even a duo or trio, from anywhere, past or present. Even even if it’s obvious to you, please tell us which song you’re using, and link to a YouTube version if the song might not be well known to everyone.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-19. As usual, you can submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same entry form. And don’t try putting your whole song onto a single line, as we usually ask for entries; just write them in a typical poetry-style format.

Deadline is Saturday, May 20, at 9 p.m. — you get a few extra hours, since the Czar, the Empress and various Losers will be congregating that afternoon at the Flushies picnic (see one last blurb after this week’s results). Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, May 25. You need to be a paying subscriber to The Gene Pool to enter; sign up (just $5 for a month or $50/year) at the “subscribe” box above.


Have a nice cup of repartea with this week’s prize.
This week’s winner gets a coffee mug from Manhattan’s Algonquin hotel, famed as the daily lunch site and watering hole for the Algonquin Round Table, a 1920s clique of pre-Invitational wits including Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley. The mug was picked up in the 1990s by Maja Keech during a visit to New York by members of the Loser Community, whose “official” name is the Not Ready for the Algonquin Roundtable Society (hence its website, NRARS.org).

Sheets and Giggles: Toilet Paper ‘Art’ From Invitational Week 17
In Invitational Week 17 we asked you — in our subversive answer to The Washington Post’s contests for dioramas featuring Peeps — to create and photograph some original construction featuring toilet paper and/or its cardboard tubes. As you will see, most people went the wordplay route rather than the craftsy route -- but the winner ably combined both approaches.

Third runner-up:

“WE don’t believe the crap we shovel, but you viewers go right ahead.”


(Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Second runner-up:

NEWS LEAK FROM THE JANUARY 6 INVESTIGATION,
or: What happens when you forget to flush fifteen times:


(Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

First runner-up:


(Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

And the winner of the bacon-and-egg socks:


“It’s now illegal to have your tubes tied in this state.”
(Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Arty Poopers: Honorable Mentions

When you know it’s gonna hit it, you gotta be prepared. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
—


Pierre was tired of being treated like merde. (Stu Segal, Charlotte, N.C.)


From The Rear that made Milwaukee famous. (Kevin Dopart)


Chuck Berry’s bathroom. (Steve Leifer, Potomac, Md.)

—


TP canoe — Anne Tyler, too. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

—


(Jesse Frankovich)


(Beverley Sharp)


“It’s called a bidet. And it’s an existential threat.” (Stu Segal)


(Jesse Frankovich)


Scott finally lands a top roll. (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)


(Kevin Dopart)

The headline “Sheets and Giggles” is by Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running – deadline 4 p.m. Saturday, May 13: Our Week 18 “grandfoals” contest to “breed” the winning foal names from Week 16. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-18.

Last call to join the Loser Community — plus Gene and Pat — at the annual Flushies picnic on Saturday afternoon, May 20. Here’s your personal invitation! We’ve heard that there will be Losers and Invitational Devotees coming from as far as Texas. And definitely some Loser-penned parodies to sing along with.

See more about The Invitational, including our 2,000-member Facebook group and our podcast.


InvisibleInk!
Idea:
Examples:
Title:(Jesse Frankovich)
Subhead:(Chris Doyle)
Prize:
Add:H:1532:
VisibleInk!