The Invitational Week 18: Colt Following
Now that we have the winner and punners-up of our venerable foal-name contest, it's time for 'grandfoals'
PAT MYERS AND GENE WEINGARTEN
MAY 4, 2023

And Now, The Invitational! Diddly-doot, Diddly-doot, Diddly-DOOT-doot-doot-doot. (That’s the bugle call before a race.)
As the Churchill Downs crew cleared off the workout poop and smoothed the track for this Saturday’s 149th Kentucky Derby, The Invitational — as it has every year since 1995 — invited the Loser Community to horse around with the year’s nominated Thoroughbreds and “breed” their names to produce a pun-filled “foal.” The results appear below. The new contest, which we are announcing here, is the second leg of our Double Crown: For Week 18: “Breed” any two of the “foal” names generated in in today’s results and give the “grandfoal” a name that reflects both names. We even have a handy-dandy list of all this week’s foals right here (or type in bit.ly/grandfoals-2023). Just as with the Week 16 contest (and in real horse racing), a name may not exceed 18 characters including spaces; those characters may include punctuation and numerals. You may run words together to save space, but the name should be easy to read. As always, you may submit up to 25 grandfoals, preferably all on the same form.

For guidance and inspiration, let’s look at the top four of last year’s inking grandfoals (the whole list is here):
4. No-Knock Warrant x Lake Flaccid = DEA’d in the Water (Frank Mann)

3. Finals Are Today x Catch Some Z’s = Got Some F’s (Andrew Hatziyannis)

2. Catch Some Z’s x I the People = Nap Bonaparte (Pam Shermeyer)

1. Atom and Heave x Pig Penn = Hurls Before Swine (Laurie Brink)

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to bit.ly/inv-form-18. Please write your entries in the A x B = C format you see today so that the Empress and especially her longtime volunteer sorter, Loser Jonathan Hardis, can sort the entries by horse name.

Deadline is Saturday, May 13, at 4 p.m. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, May 18. You need to be a paying subscriber to The Gene Pool to enter; sign up (just $5 for a month or $50/year) at the “subscribe” box above.


If you mess it up, it’ll love you anyway. That’s how dogs are. This week’s prize.
This week’s winner gets … a dog! More precisely, Knit Your Own Dog, a kit with everything you need – including, they say, the expertise, even if you’re a rank beginner — to knit and stuff a little black-and-tan dachshund. What’s especially Loserly is that even in the photo on the box, the dog came out a bit uneven and gimpy-looking. But cute! Like most of us in Loserland. Donated by Loser Steve Bremner. If you come to the Flushies picnic (see below), Gene and Pat will give it to you in person.

The Kentucky Derpy: The ‘Foals’ of Week 16
Our first Gene Pool foal name Invitational brought, as always, far more utterly inkworthy entries than we could sanely run. The Empress’s first cut among the 1,750 entries to Week 16 topped 200 names, and these didn’t count about a dozen excellent one that were sent too frequently, including Auguste Rodin x Clear the Air = The Stinker, or Instant Coffee x Ironsides = Sanka Ship, or Ready Shakespeare x Mr. Peeks = King Leer. If your brilliant name didn’t get ink today, it absolutely got cut only in the very last round.

Did we choose the wrong winners? Take to the comments below to share your thoughts about the contest, your personal faves etc. (Do not shout out your own favorite non-inking entries; you can do that in the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook group.) Or if there’s an entry you didn’t get, someone will (mostly unsnarkily) explain it to you.

Third runner-up: Hoosier Philly x I Don’t Get It = Indy Penn Dense (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Second runner-up: Forte x Ten Days Later = Fifte (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

First runner-up: Ready Shakespeare x Theismann = Tibia Not to Be (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; Mike Hammer, Arlington, Va.)

And the winner of the horse-hoof-motif socks:
Disarm x I Don’t Get It = Stumped (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

Dam Close: Honorable Mentions
Acoustic Ave x Infinite Series = American Pi (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Acoustic Ave x Circling the Drain = Unplugged (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.; Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Armstrong x Meteorite = One Small Step–OW! (Dave Zarrow, Skokie, Ill.)

Armstrong x Secret Threat = Strongarm (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

Candidate x Lap Star = Pole Worker (Steve Geist, Mechanicsville, Va., who got his only previous blot of Invite ink in 2003)

Disarm x Kingsbarns = Venus de Silo (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Gandolfini x Flipper = GanDolphini (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.; Elliott Shevin, Efrat, West Bank; Richard Wexler, Alexandria, Va.)

Instant Coffee x Expect More = Sanka for Nothing (Rob Wolf)

Aaron x Giant Mischief = Hanky Panky (Richard Franklin, Alexandria, Va.)

Aaron x Instant Coffee = Hanka (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Accident x Curly Larry and Mo = Crash Test Dummies (Tim Watts, Great Falls, Va.)

Accident x Disarm = 127 Hours (Bill Dorner, Wolcott, Conn.)

Angel of Empire x Protege = Deputy Seraph (Chris Doyle)

Angel of Empire x Banishing = Sans Seraph (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.; Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Ready Shakespeare x Eye Witness = Julius Sees Her (Mary McNamara, Washington, D.C.; Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Auguste Rodin x Confidence Game = Chiseler (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore; Chris Doyle)

Auguste Rodin x Flipper = Thinker Swim (David Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.; Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Banishing x Ben Franklin = Go Fly a Kite (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.; Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.)

Ben Franklin x Accident = Been Franklin (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.; Elizabeth Kline, Frederick, Md.)

Ben Franklin x Rocket Can = Bean Franklin (Neil Kurland)

Ben Franklin x Clear the Air = Founding Farter (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Ben Franklin x Giant Mischief = C-Note Evil (Andrew Rosenberg, Brooklyn, N.Y.)

Ben Franklin x Sgt. Pepper = Mr. Kite (Steve Price, New York; Mike Hammer)

Be Punctual x Low Expectations = Tempus Fuckit (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

Ready Shakespeare x Blocked = Bard the Door (Doug Hembrey, Manassas, Va.)

B Minor x Ready Shakespeare = Etude, Brute? (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

B Minor x Skinner = Key and Peeler (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Candidate x Dreamlike = Rep. Van Winkle (Jonathan Paul)

Circling the Drain x Ready Shakespeare = Coriolanus Effect (Diana Oertel)

Classic Catch x Hard to Figure = Willie Maze (Steve Price)

Clear the Air x Dr. Kraft = WhoSlicedTheCheese (Jon Carter)

Confidence Game x Auguste Rodin = HookLine&Thinker (Sarah Walsh, Rob Wolf)

Confidence Game x Litigate = A Ploy Named Sue (Tim Watts)

Curly Larry and Mo x Greenland = Nuuk Nuuk Nuuk (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.; Mia Wyatt; Mike Hammer)

Cyclone Mischief x Litigate = Storm Suer (Jesse Frankovich)

Lap Star x Fleet Feet = Porn to Run (David Garratt, Silver City, N.M.)

Fleet Feet x Mr. Peeks = EnemaOfThePeephole (Mark Raffman, on vacation in Moji, Japan, site of the Toto Toilet Museum; Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

General Banker x Curly Larry and Mo = The Three Scrooges (Larry Passar, Reston, Va.; David Garratt)

Hard to Figure x Circling the Drain = RiddleOfTheSinks (Duncan Stevens)

Hard to Figure x Two Phil’s = Why an Apostrophe? (J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.)

Hit Show x Low Expectations = Shit Show (Howard Ausden, Damascus, Md.; Mark Raffman; J. Larry Schott)

Ironsides x Blocked = USS Constipation (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.; Andrew Rosenberg)

Jackstown x Power in Numbers = Wanks a Million (Mark Raffman)

Justice Department x Fleet Feet = J. Edgar Hoofer (Jonathan Paul)

Justice Department x Instant Coffee = Eliot Nescafé (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.; Andrew Rosenberg)

Major Dude x Confidence Game = Fonzie Scheme (Jesse Frankovich)

Miracle Worker x Low Expectations = Walk in Water (Jonathan Paul)

Promise Me a Ride x Love Me Not = Walk (Duncan Stevens)

Ready Shakespeare x Instant Coffee = Tempest in a K-Cup (Pam Sweeney)

I Don’t Get It x Instant Coffee = IDK-Cup (Laurie Brink, Mineola, N.Y.)

Ride Up x Hit Show = Wedgie Jackson (Malcolm Fleschner)

Runandscore x Yellow Brick = GOOOOOOOOLD! (Jesse Frankovich)

Sgt. Pepper x Low Expectations = WhenI’mSixtyFourth (Andrew Rosenberg)

Sgt. Pepper x Power in Numbers = When I’m 2^6 (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)

There Be Dragons x Low Expectations = There Be Geckos (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

Two Phil’s x Greenland = Double on Tundra (Duncan Stevens)

Yellow Brick X Lap Star = Vulveeta (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

The headline “The Kentucky Derpy” is by Jeff Contompasis; Jeff also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Reminder: We welcome your comments about the foals.

Still running – deadline 4 p.m. Monday, May 8: Our Week 17 contest to make humorous art out of toilet paper and/or their rolls, and send us a photo. Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-17.

Join the Loser Community — plus Gene and Pat — at the annual Flushies picnic May 20. Here’s your personal invitation!

See more about The Invitational, including our 2,000-member Facebook group and our podcast.