Style Invitational Week 1474: Hyphen the Terrible
Combine parts of hyphenated terms to make a new term. Plus winning ‘prefix’ neologisms.
By Pat Myers
February 3, 2022 at 10:02 a.m. EST


Click here to skip down to the winning "prefix" neologisms from Week 1470


(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
▲ Di-rector + doz-ens: Rector-doz: A sermon so boring that even the pastor falls asleep. (Beverley Sharp)

Assess-ment + in-formation: Assessin: Someone who kills good ideas by saying, “I think we need to study this more.” (Jeff Contompasis)

Hem-orrhoid + mem-oir: Hemoir: A life story that comes to a painful end. (Lawrence McGuire)

Here’s a look-through-the-paper contest that The Style Invitational used to do all the time, but not for more than five years. This week: Combine one side of a hyphenated word or phrase with one side of another such term — either side can be the end or the beginning — to create a new term, then describe the result, as in the examples above from Week 1196 in 2016. AND! Both halves of the term must come from the same issue of a newspaper (The Post or another one) or published the same day on its website, from Feb. 3 through Feb. 14. It can be in an article, headline, ad, whatever, as long as both parts come from hyphenates — anything with a hyphen. Include the hyphenates you’re using, as above. (See the entry form for more notes on formatting, etc.)


Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1474 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Feb. 14; results appear March 6 in print, March 3 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a true rarity: It’s the very first model of the Style Invitational Loser Mug for runners-up, made in 2007 and recently regifted to the Style Invitational Prize Bunker by 364-time Loser Dave Zarrow, who has been an Invite runner-up, I swear, 49 times (though mostly before we gave out mugs). Designed by Our Own Bob Staake, the mug features a brain-region diagram with “dinner,” “sex,” etc., and of course the largest lobe, “The Style Invitational.” Best of all, it bears the contest-winning slogan, submitted by both Chris Doyle and Beverley Sharp for Week 715: “This Is Your Brain on Mugs.”


Our first Loser Mug, first issued in 2007, and regifted to be this week's second prize. (The Washington Post)
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Fool Frontal” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Kevin Dopart; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.


The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, Feb. 3, at wapo.st/conv1474.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago ...

Fool Frontal: ‘Prefix’ neologisms from Week 1470
In Week 1470 the Empress saluted (i.e., stole from) a contest from the old New York Magazine Competition in which you insert a “prefix” — really, anything of a syllable or more — before any word in a name, phrase or title.

4th place:
PassWORDLE: High-stakes game where you have to remember your login info in six tries. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

3rd place:
ForGETTING TO KNOW YOU: At the senior center, you get to meet new people every day! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

2nd place
and the toy plush vaccine vial:

NiTWITTER: The Former Guy’s new social media platform? (Frank Mann, Washington)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
UnZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH: Step 1 in boys’ toilet training. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

Failed start-ups: Honorable mentions
PedanTIKTOK: Insufferable videos featuring nitpicky grammar quibbles, but at least they’re only 15 seconds long. (Jesse Aronson, Arlington, Va.)


SarDINING CAR: Breakfast rush on the Acela. (Mark Richardson, Takoma Park, Md.)

SliMY PILLOW GUY: Maybe not the best adviser on ethical issues. (Drew Bennett, Rogers, Ark.)

StereoTYPEWRITER: When you’re writing a novel “old school” — complete with the ditsy blond secretary, the jolly fat guy, etc. (Mike Swift, Crawfordville, Fla., a First Offender)

THE dumBEST IS YET TO COME: Louie Gohmert announces a run for president in ’24. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

MisheGOTHIC ARCHITECTURE: Pointy arches, ribbed vaults, stained glass, flying buttresses — enough already! It’s only a doghouse. (Arnold Berke, Chevy Chase, Md.)

A vieWING AND A PRAYER: The funeral following a “hold my beer” stunt. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

BBSEE YA!: “Auntie Beeb” attempts to shed the network’s prim image with a zingy sign-off. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)


AOC3PO: She’ll debate you in over 6 million forms of communication. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

EsCHEWBACCA: For the Wookiee, no nookiee. (Mike Ostapiej, Ravenel, S.C.)

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE One-THIRD KIND: Earthlings are relieved to discover that the visiting aliens are two feet tall. (Duncan Stevens)

AntiGONE IN 60 SECONDS: A top title in the CliffNotes Extreme Speed Ancient Classics collection. (Elliott Schiff, Allentown, Pa.)

DaDA VINCI: A student of Leonardo who added mustaches to the portraits. (Greg Dobbins, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

CriMEA CULPA: The apology Ukraine will never get from Putin. (Chris Doyle)

AusTEN-FOUR: The CB channel for the Long-Haul Truckers’ English Lit Book Club. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)

DateLABRADOR: Each canine rated the other 4.5 out of 5. Update: No further sniffing. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)


DeJOY TO THE WORLD: “When your gifts arrive two months late, it’s like Christmas all over again, right?” (Sarah Walsh)

Q-TIP OF THE ICEBERG: A teeny-tiny part of a teeny part of a much, much, much larger problem. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

ForeGONE WITH THE WIND: Frankly, my dear, Rhett never did give a damn. (Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)

PrenUP ON THE ROOF: An older, wiser Carole King knows it’s not enough to ask if he’ll still love her tomorrow. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Low-CALIGULA: An insanely tyrannical diet coach. “You’ll have FOUR grapes …” (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

HairBALL AND CHAIN: Your emotionally demanding pet cat. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax, Va.)

EuroTRASH TALK: “Can you believe it? She paid $30,000 for one kilo of that caviar, and it wasn’t even golden. And I heard she colors her shoe soles red.” (Roy Ashley, Washington)


InterMISSION: IMPOSSIBLE: When there are still three big musical numbers to go before you can get to the bathroom — will you self-destruct? (Sarah Walsh)

IQANON: No intelligence to be found on this group. (Richard Franklin, Alexandria, Va.)

iRON RIVERA: The only coach who can withstand Dan Snyder. (Frank Mann)

ForGETTYSBURG ADDRESS: “Fourscore and — dang, how many years ago was it? — anyway, no matter …” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

InsERECTILE DYSFUNCTION: Isn’t it sad to see those far-right groups feuding? (Bruce Reynolds, Grand Rapids, Mich.)

RePENTHOUSE: The least pleasurable porn magazine ever. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

MastoDONALD: A huge, primitive creature, often found bellowing near swamps, that sadly is not yet extinct. (Stephen Gold, London)

McMANCHIN: A large if undistinguished edifice purchased with coal profits. (Mark Richardson)


TarMAC AND CHEESE: Takes al dente to a whole new level. (Jonathan Jensen)

TeleporTED CRUZ. A pleasant daydream. (And more proper than defenestraTED.) (Jonathan Paul)

THE braggART OF THE DEAL: “I aced my dementia test.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

THE SIXTH nonSENSE: “If you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from January the 6th, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.” — Rep. Andrew Clyde (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

TiktOK BOOMER: What your kids say when you ask, “What the heck are you watching?” (Chris Doyle)

wiNO PASSING ZONE: Oh great, just when the road gets curvy. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

WE BUILT THIS ToxiCITY: “The Story of Twitter.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

McCarTHY WILL BE DONE: Rep. Liz Cheney’s secret prayer. (Fred Shuback, Silver Spring, Md.)


SnOBJECTION: The appendage “sn” is a mere consonant cluster undeserving of the name “prefix,” and in fact the rules of this contest insisted on a full syllable. (Jonathan Paul) [Indeed. Not to mention that the common noun “objection” fails to qualify as a “name, phrase, title, etc.” — The Empress]

DisroBE OUR GUEST: What you hear at a Chippendales audition: “Disrobe our guest, disrobe our guest, doff his shirt and bare his chest!/ Do it now, then drop his trou/ To see if he leaves you impressed.” (Chris Doyle)

WannaBE OUR GUEST: Song parody that didn’t get ink in The Style Invitational. (Mark Raffman)

And Last: I ALONE CAN preFIX IT: Trump declares certain victory in Week 1470 of The Style Invitational. (Chris Doyle)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Feb. 7: Our contest for road sign or barbecue marquee messages. See wapo.st/invite1473.

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