Style Invitational Week 1468: The Year in Redo, Part 2
Enter any of our past 25 contests; plus this week’s winning cartoon captions.
By Pat Myers
Today at 9:51 a.m. EST

(Click here to skip down to the winning cartoon captions)

Week 1444, new sports: Marrython: The only endurance sport where you try not to reach the finish line. (Melissa Balmain)

Week 1449, overlapping names: Roald Dahlly Parton: Beloved author of “James and the Giant Melons.” (Pam Sweeney)

Week 1451, bad “first drafts” of famous lines: “And you, my pink-eyed girl . . .” (Kevin Dopart)

This week we finish our two-part opportunity to revisit the past year’s contests; the 24 in this second half of our Kook’s Tour include everything from haiku to insulting questions to song parodies to captions for the cartoons published today. This week: Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1440 through 1464. You may enter multiple contests as long as you don’t submit more than 25 entries in all. You’re free to use updated references, and contests involving content from newspapers will use current ones.


Get links to those contests, plus essential details and instructions, in this week’s Style Conversational column at (published late Thursday afternoon, Dec. 23). (If you don’t subscribe to The Post, email me at and, after I ask you why the heck not, I’ll give you alternative directions.)

Submit up to 25 entries at (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Jan. 3; results appear Jan. 23 in print, Jan. 20 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a board game called Really Bad Art, in which you have to scribble an illustration of one of “500 unexpected phrases!” in six seconds. Donated by the artful Loser Daphne Steinberg.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at The headline “Quip Draws” is by Chris Doyle. The Honorable-Mentions head, "Ouch-a-sketch", is by Tom Witte [ed. added per Pat]. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

As we insist on doing year after year, we put up some inscrutable Bob Staake cartoons and asked for captions. The Empress received more than 1,300 entries, as many as 400 for a single cartoon. The top four captions are listed under their respective cartoons.

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
Second place and the New Jersey fun-facts playing cards:
“Remember when I told you where babies come from? I lied.” (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.) Honorable mentions:
“Look, it’s the new robot stork, the Womb-a!” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)

“Yeah, I think it’s your new sister. Go ask your mom if she paid for expedited delivery.” (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

“Looks like the labor shortage has even reached the North Pole.” (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

Because of the stork’s supply chain issues, Bobby’s twin brother arrived a bit late. (Lewis Lesansky, Burke, Va.)

“It sets it on the porch, and then it rings the bell, and just before it flies away a little lighter comes out and ignites the bag.” (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

“Well, that’s one plastic bag removed from the ocean; only 5,000,000,000,000 more to go.” (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

Bowling Ball Land’s “You Buy It, We Fly It” delivery service lasted all of one day. (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

“And this is why McMurray’s Pizza is bowl-shaped.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

Phil quickly began to regret having booked his flight in Economy Minus. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

Marketing for the edgy new children’s book “James and the Giant Testicle” used a novel strategy. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
Fourth place:
“Tough night, Mr. Gumby?” (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Honorable mentions:
“I understand, sir, but you still can’t come in without a tie.” (Jill Fosse, University Park, Md.)

“Don’t worry about getting the door, I’ll just ooze underneath.” (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

“Jerry, it’s me. It was a hard day at the lab.” (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.)

“Looks like Mrs. McGillicuddy’s dog’s been eatin’ her avocado toast again.” (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

“Please ignore the ‘No Vacancy’ sign, sir. There’s always room for Jell-O.” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines; Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

“I happen to know I’m not the first slime to put his name on a hotel.” (Sam Mertens)

“You can always reapply to the co-op board in 10 million years, sir.” (Daniel Galef, Tallahassee)

Washed-up stars are often drawn to red carpets. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
Third place:
“I think I’ll shop here — the D store is about to cost another $2 trillion.” (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

After the state voted down Obamacare, the Springfield pharmacy could no longer afford the full Rx sign. (Leif Picoult)

“Wow, Sears really has downsized!” (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

“Sesame Workshop bought up 26 of our abandoned buildings for its new marketing concept.” (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Fresh out of rehab, the Toys Я Us R has a new job and a new direction in life. (Ted Weitzman, Olney, Md.)

“Patti works here. She says she’s been selling her R’s off all week.” (Jon Gearhart)

“I’m telling you, these owners are really pirates!” (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)

The store only sold rabbits, robots and rings; still, it did better than the one next door, which sold only Quidditch supplies. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

“This one shouldn’t be quite as bad as that NC-17 place.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
The winner of the Clowning Achievement:
Denise Downer realized it was just no fun watching sad movies with Amy Schadenfreude. (Craig Dykstra, Centrevielle, Va.)

The NRA found that showing “Bambi” to groups of job applicants was its most effective screening tool. (Larry Yungk, Wyoming, Ohio)

“Hah! Ten minutes in I said, ‘That dog’s gonna die.’ Dang, it feels good to be right!” (Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)

“I’m really sad, too, but you know, Botox.” (Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.)

Wedding planners and divorce lawyers tend to view movies differently. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

“Honestly, Ashley, I know sharks have rights, too, but it’s just a movie.” (Jon Ketzner)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 27: Part 1 of the retrospective, for Weeks 1314-39. See

DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.