Style Invitational Week 1467: The Year in Redo, Part 1
Enter any of 24 previous contests; plus ‘callous Dow-boys’ and other spoonerisms
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers
December 16, 2021 at 9:51 a.m. EST
(Click here to skip down to the winning spoonerisms from Week 1463)
Week 1436, new plots for movie titles: Paper Moon: In Part 1 of “Back to Our Offices: 2021,” a contest for best butt photocopy. (Ann Martin)
Week 1421, rearrange words used in President Biden’s inaugural address: “Of all my predecessors, one stands out as a president of profound conviction. In fact, I believe his greatest one still lies ahead.” (Frank Osen)
Week 1418, new words containing the letter block U-N-D-O in any order: Undoh: To realize you were right after all. (Dave Prevar)
Last year at this time, the Empress asked why anyone would want to think back on 2020 — let’s just get to next year and get it behind us! Then, six days into 2021 . . .
Luke, I am your charger: This week's second prize.
Luke, I am your charger: This week's second prize.
The obvious reason: You get a second chance to enter the past year’s Style Invitational contests. This week we look back at the first half of the year — including perennials like “joint legislation” and foal names, as well as one-offs like our cicada diorama contest (this time with your choice of bug); I’ll leave you in suspense about next week’s contest. This week: Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1413 through 1439, except for Weeks 1414-1416, which are last year’s retrospectives plus the 2021 Year in Preview. You may enter multiple contests as long as you don’t submit more than 25 entries in all. And yes, feel free to use more current references this time around.
Get links to all those contests, plus important details and instructions, in this week’s Style Conversational column, published late Thursday, Dec. 16, at wapo.st/conv1467. If you don’t subscribe to The Post, email me at email@example.com and, after I ask you why the heck not, I’ll give you alternative directions.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1467 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Dec. 27; results appear Jan. 16 in print, Jan. 13 online.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a fabulously dorky Darth Vader USB charger that plugs into your car’s cigar lighter socket, or whatever it’s called now; connect your phone cable and Darth does his trademark heavy breathing. Donated by Loser Daphne Steinberg, who snagged it especially for us on the Buy Nothing platform.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Gagging Us With a Spoonerism” is by Chris Doyle; Chris also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
Gagging us with a spoonerism: Invite ink from Week 1463
In Week 1463 the Empress asked for Q&A jokes involving spoonerisms — in which the first sounds of two different words are switched. Thanks but no thanks for the various pairs featuring “luck,” “truck,” “pluck,” etc.
How is an obnoxiously uncouth comic like an undressed atheist?
One is needlessly crude and one is creedlessly nude. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)
How is Orson Welles’s classic film like a 10,000-piece Lego set?
One is “Citizen Kane”; the other: “Kit is insane!” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
and the Toilet Timer odor warning:
How is southern South America like Andrew Cuomo?
One is Patagonia, the other is gonna pat ya. (Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md.)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
What's a demagogue's reaction to a rabid crowd at a rally?
If he's rotten to the core, he'll cotton to the roar. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Kissed the mutt: Honorable mentions
How did the political parties view the recent Virginia elections?
To Republicans it was a fairy tale; to the Democrats, a Terry fail.
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
How is a quip by the White House press secretary like a Gatorade bath for a winning Kentucky Derby rider?
One’s a Psaki joke; the other’s a jockey soak.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
How is a Shakespeare play like the GOP treatment of Rep. Liz Cheney?
One is “The Taming of the Shrew”; the other is the Shaming of the True. (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.; Steve Offutt, Arlington)
How is Donald Trump like Mike Pence?
One traffics in fibs and lies; the other’s pestered by libs and flies. (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich., a First Offender)
How is one critic’s gushing review of a film like another critic’s snarky pan?
One rates highly, while the other hates wryly. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
How was Lincoln’s political rise like his assassination?
One was predestination; the other depressed a nation. (Alex Steelsmith, Kailua, Hawaii)
What’s the difference between Dak Prescott and Martin Shkreli?
One is a Dallas Cowboy; the other’s a callous Dow boy. (Mark Raffman; Scott Warner, Hagerstown, Md.)
What are two things associated with a trip to Cancún?
A booze cruise and Cruz boos. (Jesse Frankovich)
What did Laura Ingalls Wilder call her book about smacking no-good dudes on the Great Plains?
“Hit a Louse on the Prairie.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
What’s the difference between a bartender and a gynecologist?
One mixes the fizzes and the other fixes the missis. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax, Va.)
From what two things can you hear the ocean and the Chinese president’s voice?
A seashell and a Xi cell. (Jesse Frankovich)
How is a cook announcing dinner like a magician announcing he actually cut the lady in half?
One cries, “Soup’s on!”; the other cries, “Oops! Sawn!” (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)
How is a dirty window like a computer running Windows?
With one, you want to scrub it clean; with the other, you want to club its screen. (Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)
How is a handlebar basket like a hazardous wintertime dare?
One is a bicycle’s item; the other is “Icicles! Bite ’em!” (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
How is a home in the Land of Sweets like a rodent with an unpredictable temperament?
One’s a marshmallow house; the other is a harsh/mellow mouse. (Coleman Glenn)
How is a Madeleine L’Engle novel like the couplet “The ladies of Turin/ Excrete perfumed urine”?
One is “A Wrinkle in Time”; the other is a tinklin’ rhyme. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)
How is a public health decree like going out on the town with Rep. Waters in a Chevy Astro?
One is a vaccine mandate; the other is a Maxine van date. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
How is a relief pitcher like a priest at confession?
One saves the win; the other waives the sin. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
How is a stripper like a curmudgeon at a bondage party?
One bumps and grinds; the other grumps and binds. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
How is a termite like a high-functioning drunk?
One’s a wood gobbler; the other’s a good wobbler. (Tom Witte)
How is a third dose of the Pfizer vaccine like someone saying “cock-a-doodle-doo”?
One is an RNA booster, the other is bein’ a rooster. (Coleman Glenn)
How is a trendy barbecue joint like Four Seasons Total Landscaping?
One is a place for foodies’ ribs; the other is a place for Rudy’s fibs. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)
How is an Oscar Mayer wiener like Pac-Man?
One is a hot dog; the other is a dot hog. (Jesse Frankovich)
How is an urge for romance like lice dancing on your head?
One is a booty call and the other is a cootie ball. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.; Byron Miller, Cobble Hill, B.C.)
How is footwear like Donald Trump?
One is socks and shoes; the other shocks and sues. (Eric Nelkin)
How is Miss Piggy like 1960s Playboy bunnies?
One is a nagging sow; the others are sagging now. (Terri Berg Smith, Rockville, Md.)
How is Oscar Wilde like Meghan Markle?
One brewed some rich wit; the other wooed some rich Brit. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
How was Evel Knievel’s jump across the Grand Canyon like a guy who lies around all day watching porn?
One is a crazy leap and the other is a lazy creep. (David Stonner, Washington)
How is New England like the notorious soccer flopper Neymar?
One is famous for fall foliage, the other for faux fall-iage. (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)
How is Mimi in “La Bohème” like a nude Siberian sunbather? One’s tiny hand is frozen; the other’s heinie, tanned, is frozen. (Jonathan Paul)
How is a coffee-drinking dog like a 1 percent employee discount?
One is a perky pet, the other a petty perk. (Jeff Contompasis)
What’s that movie star’s rescue charity for poo-flinging monkeys?
The Pitt Shelter. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
In what song did the Beatles sing about putting up with a girlfriend’s snoring?
“I Stand Her Sawing There.” (Duncan Stevens)
What happened when Jack Black was cast in an adaptation of Kafka’s “Metamorphosis”?
He went from rock coach to cockroach. (Mark Raffman)
What’s the headline when the mayor takes a taxpayer-funded vacation?
“Downtime on the Town Dime.” (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
What happens when Warren Buffett tags his countless descendants to tell them that whoever can lift the heaviest weight will inherit the most money?
A billionaire’s mention gets a million heirs benchin’ (Coleman Glenn)
How is the “Voices Carry” singer like a masochist’s plea?
One is Aimee Mann; the other is “Maim me, Ann!” (Frank Mann, Washington — who happens to be Aimee’s brother)
How is a reflexive, unthinking response like what Padma Lakshmi provoked?
One is a knee-jerk reaction; the other’s a Gene-irk reaction. (Chris Doyle)
And Last: What’s the difference between Chris Doyle and a Loser wannabe?
One submits snazzy spoonerisms, while the other submits spazzy snoozerisms. (Bill Dorner)
And Even Laster: How is Joe Biden like the Week 1463 second prize?
One is the new POTUS; the other is a poo notice. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 20: Write a funny newspaper correction. See wapo.st/invite1466.
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