Style Invitational Week 1462: Time for a new career?
Tell us what would happen if two people switched roles. Plus winning TV show anagrams.
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post, after a tweet by @SierraRey_73)
By Pat Myers
November 11, 2021 at 9:44 a.m. EST
(Click here to skip down to the winning TV show anagrams)
This week’s contest was suggested a while back by Loser Daphne Steinberg, who alerted the Empress to the imagined quotes above, which were in the form of a tweet by someone using the handle @SierraRey_73, who might in turn have been inspired by a Reddit writing prompt in which writers approached the same “another universe” what-if — if ranting TV chef Gordon Ramsay and mellow TV art teacher Bob Ross had switched professions.
This week: Tell what would happen if any two people switched professions or other roles, as in the example above. It could be in the form of quotes “by” the two people, as above, or in some other description. Don’t write a whole story, as the Reddit writers did; shoot for 50 words or fewer.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1462 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Nov. 22; results appear Dec. 12 in print, Dec. 9 online.
A little toy virus kept in line by a little toy antibody: This week's second prize.
A little toy virus kept in line by a little toy antibody: This week's second prize.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an adorable pair of mini-plushie microbes, part of our series of prize internal critters: first, there’s a Pithovirus sibericum, or zombie virus (because it was revived after lying in permafrost for 30,000 years); but also — whew! — there’s a cute little Y-shaped antibody! Both donated by Dave Prevar, who hereby admits to sending viruses through the mail.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Stir Search” is by Jon Gearhart; Tom Witte wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s — published late Thursday afternoon, Nov. 11 — at wapo.st/conv1462.
The “You’re Invited” podcast: Seventeen half-hour episodes, including dish from the Empress and the Czar, and tips from top Losers. See bit.ly/invite-podcast.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
Stir search: TV show anagrams & more from Week 1458
In Week 1458, we asked the Losers to choose a TV show, then use all the letters in its name at least once to create a new episode of that show — or a new show. Sometimes they made true anagrams, rearranging all the letters without repeating any; those entries are marked below.
America’s Funniest Home Videos > Send the Nice Man Our Homemade Errors From the VCR: Producers indulge senior viewers by allowing them to mail in their tapes. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Dancing With the Stars > Right-Wing Whiner Can’t Cha-Cha — Sad: Looking back at the one time, in 2006, when Tucker Carlson tried to be human. (Frank Mann, Washington)
and the inflatable roast turkey:
Breaking Bad > Baking Bread (an anagram): Walter White finds a better way to make a lot of dough before he dies. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
Gilligan's Island > Ding-a-lings in Sand: Still "Gilligan's Island." (Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)
Cringe-watching: Honorable mentions
Seinfeld > Life’s End (an anagram): A show about nothingness. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Hill Street Blues > Tele-Shill Buster (an anagram): Detective weeds out posers who write fake reviews for QVC merchandise. (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City, Md.)
Jeopardy! > Jeopardopey!: To counter perceptions of intellectual elitism, contestants are given tranquilizers before competing. “Uh, what was the clue again?” (Byron Miller, Cobble Hill, B.C.)
Lost in Space > Plastic Noses, Lips et al.: The Space Family Kardashian travels the universe, searching for . . . you guessed it . . . attention. (Frank Mann)
The Lone Ranger > The Orange Gloater: “Believe me, I know all about outlaws. I alone can clean up the West . . . but I won’t be wearing a mask.” (Jesse Frankovich)
24 > 42: A CIA agent saves President Clinton from a box of exploding cigars hidden in the Oval Office. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Mare of Easttown > Manatee or Sow? WTF?: An ex-president reviews an HBO series about a female detective. (Mark Raffman)
All in the Family > Finally, the Mail! (an anagram): Remember when the Postal Service was fast? Those were the days! (Jesse Frankovich)
American Idol > Melodic Crania: This week, contestants sing songs that are sure to get stuck in your head. (Scott Richards, Hollywood, Md.)
Batman > Bantam BAM!: Robin proves he’s no chicken. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Bewitched > Witch Bed Itch: After seven years of marriage to Darrin, Samantha yearns for something more. (Diane Lucitt)
Saturday Night Live > River Vans and Hardly Any Laughter: Having a Chris Farley hologram host the show did little to improve SNL’s ratings. (Jon Chasson, Dulles, Va., a First Offender)
Breaking Bad > Edgier Baking: This week, chef Paul Hollywood challenges his contestants to prepare a dozen identical, perfectly pure crystal meth rocks. (Kevin Dopart)
Cheers > Screech: Where everybody screams your name. Recast with Fran Drescher as Carla, Gilbert Gottfried as Cliff, and Bobcat Goldthwait as Norm. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)
Columbo > Cool Bum (an anagram): A shambling, cigar-addicted wanderer in an open raincoat stumbles into homicide scenes and mesmerizes suspects into forgetting to call their lawyers. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
The Apprentice > Cheap Intern: Why pay your employees if you don’t have to? Or lawyers, for that matter . . . (Milo Sauer, Fairfax, Va.)
Dallas > Salad: The Ewings make a fortune in both oil and vinegar. (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)
Dennis the Menace > Emaciated Man Seethes: After Dennis blurts out, “Jeepers, you sure are fat, Mister Wilson,” Martha puts her husband on a no-carb diet. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)
Dennis the Menace > Send Nine Machetes: Mr. Wilson devises a devious mail-order plan to keep Dennis off his lawn. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
ER > Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: A battle between doctors and administrators is fought within County General Hospital’s email. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Fawlty Towers > Fly Swatters? Ow!: After overhearing Basil talking to Sybil about West Nile virus, Manuel takes matters into his own hands. (Glen Matheson, Bay Shore, N.Y.)
Game of Thrones > Hot Frog Enemas (an anagram): Epic family squabbles lead to heated amphibious incursions. (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)
Game of Thrones > Man Forgets Hat, Roasts on Nest of Hornets: Cersei Lannister’s ruthless cruelty is on full display when an ambassador disregards head-covering protocol. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
Gilligan’s Island > Nail-Sliding Gals: Ginger and Mary Ann try to summon help by making noises with a chalkboard they found on the island. (George Thompson, Springfield, Va.)
Grey’s Anatomy > Rearrangement Eyesores: Every week, a different cosmetic surgery fail. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Gunsmoke > Men, Guns, No Keg: All hell breaks loose when the Long Branch Saloon runs out of beer. (Jonathan Jensen)
Happy Days > Yappy Shad (an anagram): After jumping the shark, Fonzie takes career advice from a talking fish. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.; Melissa Muckenhirn, Urbana, Ill.)
Sex and the City > Chatty Snide Ex: In this episode, Mr. Big finally gets to tell his side of the story. (Matthew Blair, Silver Spring, Md.)
3rd Rock From the Sun > Fourth Rock From the 3rd Rock From the Sun: Dick, Sally, Tommy and Harry are back — this time to study Uranus. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) [Yes, Uranus is gaseous, not a “rock,” but we’re feeling generous]
American Idol > Dear Leader Donald — Liar, Criminal, Madman, Menace: A fair and balanced docuseries from MSNBC. (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.)
Bridgerton > Got Bioengineering Degree: In an alternate-history London, Daphne decides to take a different approach to social success. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Young Sheldon > Holy Dungeons: Mary teams up with Pastor Jeff to create a special place for misbehaving children. (Julie Gaddy, Denver)
The Ed Sullivan Show> And Now … Washed-Up Auto-Tuned Divas, Live! The latest reboot attempt on Fox was not going well. (Jon Chasson)
Dexter > Ted Rex (an anagram). Theodore Cleaver is all grown up and ready to rule the world. (And you don’t want to know what he does to people who call him Beaver.) (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.)
Days of Our Lives > Lays of Our Dives (an anagram): Barflies reminisce about their greatest and seediest sexual conquests. (Daniel Galef, Tallahassee)
Seinfeld > Infidels: Jerry’s Taliban jokes fall flat on a comedy tour of Afghanistan (“What’s the deal with all the hand-chopping? Raise your stump if you’ve ever stolen a loaf of bread!”) (Milo Sauer)
And Last: The Weakest Link > The Least Weak Ink: Every week this game show’s hostess mocks “Loser” entrants for their pitiful attempts at humor. (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)
And Even Laster: Project Runway > We Reject Your Crappy Entry: The Empress gets her own TV show. (Bob Kruger)
And Very Lastest: How I Met Your Mother > We’re Without Rhyme, Rhythm or Wit: Meeting cute at a Style Invitational Loser brunch. (Gary Crockett)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 15: our contest for eponyms, words based on people’s names. See wapo.st/invite1461.
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