Style Invitational Week 1438: Nothing but the untruth
Give us fake trivia about the law. Plus winning ‘grandfoals.’
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(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By
Pat Myers
May 27, 2021 at 9:52 a.m. EDT

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(Click here to skip down to the winning “grandfoal” names)

The first gavels were much bigger and heavier because judges used to double as executioners.

Wigs worn by British judges and barristers were originally made from horse tails, as a sly commentary on the justice system.

If you take the first letter of the first 11 paragraphs of the majority opinion of Citizens United v. FEC, it spells out “Just kidding.”

It’s yet another of our contests for Fun Fake Facts to Know and Tell — fictoids, we call them: This week: Give us some bogus trivia about the law — lawyers, courts, judges, police, odd laws, terminology, what have you, as in the examples by Loser Mike Gips, the nonpracticing lawyer (from “a school near Boston”) who suggested this contest.

One way you can get ink for weeks to come: This week's second prize.
One way you can get ink for weeks to come: This week's second prize.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1438 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, June 7; results appear June 27 in print, June 24 online.


Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our new Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a ballpoint pen in the shape of a hypodermic syringe, complete with visible blue “blood” in the tube, which the Empress picked up as vaccine swag from her obliging jabbers at the Adventist HealthCare shooting gallery.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No ’Bility” or “Punderachiever.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Twice Dammed” is by Duncan Stevens; Jeff Contompasis wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late afternoon Thursday, May 27, at wapo.st/conv1438.


And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Twice dammed: The grandfoals of Week 1430
Back in Week 1430 we asked the Losers to “breed” any two racehorse names from a list of this year’s Triple Crown nominees and name the foal; e.g., Count Tolstoy was “bred” to Uno to make War and Pizza. Then in the follow-up contest of Week 1434, they bred any two of those pun-riddled foals; here are the “grandfoals.”

4th place:
Dodger x Outamind = Ducker Carlson (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

3rd place:
Widespread Luting x TamingOfTheShroom = PlayThatFungiMusic (J.D. Berry, Springfield, Va.)

2nd place
and the 1983 Kentucky Derby souvenir julep glass:
CruMBS x Lip Loch = Ruthless Ness (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
HaberDasher x It's All Over = RIP What You Sew (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Foalout: Honorable mentions
Bitter Inside x Suite, Marriott = Vicious Roomer (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)


Hammer and Sicko x Widespread Luting = Rheum and Bard (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

It’s All Over x War and Pizza = Doomino’s (Mark Raffman)

Bye, George x Merch Madness = Buy, George! (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring; Larry Gray)

Genial Herpes x Replaceable You = Affair Trade (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Gore Curriculum x Ballooney Tunes = Bled Zeppelin (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Gore Curriculum x Ballooney Tunes = LEED Zeppelin (Mark Raffman)

Gore Curriculum x Parasite = Global Worming (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.; George Thompson, Springfield)

Hammer and Sicko x Mike = Nail deGross Tyson (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Hammer and Sicko x Passed Gas = Pootin’ (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

Hush Stormy x Zoomer Cum Laude = Mute Stormy (Jesse Frankovich)


Gore Curriculum x IGotRhythmMethod = Inconvenient Youth (David MacGregor, Arlington, Va., a First Offender)

I’m Biquitous Too x Widespread Luting = But Are You Kulele (Eric Nelkin)

It’s All Over x IGotRhythmMethod = It’s All Ova (Chris Doyle)

Lip Loch x J Edgar Oeuvre = Kiss Intel (Jesse Frankovich)

Merch Madness x Capital BLTway = NCAAA (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Merch Madness x Parasite = Buy 1 Get 1 Flea (Eric Nelkin, J.D. Berry)

Polar Espresso x Hammer and Sicko = Caffiend (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

TamingOfTheShroom x Hush Stormy = ScaNDAlous (Frank Mann, Washington)

TimeKeepsOnSlippin x Bitter Inside = Into the FUture (Jesse Frankovich)

TimeKeepsOnSlippin x Capital BLTway = Intestate 495 (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

TimeKeepsOnSlippin x IGotRhythmMethod = I’m Late I’m Late! (Mary Kappus, Washington)


TimeKeepsOnSlippin x Rhapsody in Red = Into the Fuchsia (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

TimeKeepsOnSlippin x HaberDasher = TieKeepsOnSlippin (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)

Waning Gretzky x Can’tata = Penalty Bachs (Jonathan Paul)

Replaceable You x School Near Boston = Replaceable U. (Eric Nelkin)

Whacks and Wayne x HonkIfYou’reHoardy = Schwing and Amass (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)

Wile E. Peyote x Bitter Inside = Acme If I Care (J.D. Berry)

Wile E. Peyote x Bitter Inside = Toxic Mescalinity (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Saint Hat Trick x Cuff Lynx = Halo Kitty (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

0 Pesos x Pith & Pendulum = Po’ (Jonathan Hardis; Mark Raffman)

Bitter Inside x Replaceable You = Tears of a Clone (Mark Raffman)

Marlin Blando x Passed Gas = Smella! (Chris Doyle)

Ballooney Tunes x Genial Herpes = Warts Up, Doc? (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)


Bitter Inside x Carp Diem = Kvetch of the Day (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Ballooney Tunes x IGotRhythmMethod = The Wabbit Died (Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.)

Bitter Inside x Parasite = Biter Inside (Beverley Sharp)

Bitter Inside x Marlin Blando = Butter Inside (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Bye, George x Clooney Tunes = Amal Alone (Kevin Krist, Aiken, S.C.)

Bye, George x Porgy and Bass = Farewell, Old Chum (Kevin Dopart)

Clooney Tunes x Polar Espresso = Hunky Brewster (Jeff Hazle)

CruMBS x Genial Herpes = Sheikh in Pox (Laurie Brink, Mineola, N.Y.)

Dodger x Hammer and Sicko = Tommy Lasordid (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

Dodger x HonkIfYou’reHoardy = Duck Duck Goose (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.; Duncan Stevens)

Dodger x Passed Gas = Methane in Action (Jesse Frankovich)


HaberDasher x 0 Pesos = All Hat No Cattle (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

Elvis Pretzely x Gore Curriculum = Love Me Tenure (Mary McNamara, Washington)

Elvis Pretzely x I Got Rid ’Em = Blue Suede Shoos (Laurie Brink)

Fly Like an Emu x Clothes Encounters = Fly Like a Muumuu (Beverley Sharp)

Friendly FOIA x Rhymer Reason = Redactyl (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

Genial Herpes x I Got Rid ’Em = Chancres Away! (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis)

HaberDasher x 0 Pesos = Jos. A. Bankrupt (Chris Doyle)

Hammer and Sicko x Bye, George = Culture Clubbed (Richard Franklin, Alexandria, Va.)

Hammer and Sicko x Lip Loch = CommuNessie (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

IGotRhythmMethod x Saint Hat Trick = And Baby Makes 3 (Mary Kappus)

IGotRhythmMethod x Whacks and Wayne = Schwing Time (Roy Ashley, Washington)


It’s All Over x Cuff Lynx = You’reUnderAWrist (Jonathan Paul)

It’s All Over x Hammer and Sicko = Quit Stalin (George Thompson)

It’s All Over x Wyatt Urp = Saved by the Belch (Jesse Frankovich)

Marlin Blando x Pulp Fishin’ = Ol Meh and the Sea (Jon Ketzner)

Mild Bill Hickok x No Duh Rioty = Blandemonium (Duncan Stevens)

Mild Bill Hickok x Wyatt Urp = Mild Bill Hiccup (Eric Nelkin)

And our bonus challenge to come up with a better foal name for Halo x Mostly Sunny than Sunny’s Halo, the 1983 Kentucky Derby winner: They should have gone with: Corona Light (Bill Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.; Jesse Frankovich) or Sunny and Cherub (Jesse Frankovich; Pam Sweeney).

Still running — deadline Monday night, May 31: our “typo” change-a-letter contest. See wapo.st/invite1437.

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