Style Invitational Week 1427: Rocky of ages, or Badenov for you?
‘Bullwinkle’-style history puns. Plus winning anagrams of headlines.
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(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By
Pat Myers
March 11, 2021 at 10:19 a.m. EST

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(Click here to skip down to the winning anagrams of headlines)

1957: Introduction of the Edsel:
Building a Car Bomb, or The Lemon Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree (Russell Beland, Week 540)

1066, the Norman Conquest: Saxon Violence, or Let Me Run This Bayeux (Brendan Beary)

1854, the Charge of the Light Brigade:
Fools Speed Ahead, or Is That Your Final Lance, Sir? (Chris Doyle)

Hey, wish The Style Invitational a happy birthday — we just turned 28 last Sunday. And in a nod to Invite history, and history in general, the Empress is redoing one of the first contests she ran after deposing the Czar in 2003: And it itself is a homage to “Rocky and Bullwinkle” (and similar titles), the pun-filled Cold War-spoofing cartoon series that informed the comic sensibilities of many a Loser of a certain age.

Nothing says “I’m such a stud” as much as popping one of these guys out of your pocket.
Nothing says “I’m such a stud” as much as popping one of these guys out of your pocket.
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Along with dialogue laden with what we’d now call dad jokes (“Round trip?” “Got any square ones?”), the wordplay went up a notch with the teaser for the next episode: The announcer gave two titles, at least one of them a pun. For one about a threatened execution, it was “Tune in next time for ‘Axe Me Another,’ or ‘Tails, You Lose.’ ” And so this week: State any historical event — right up to 2021 — in the “A, or B” pun format as in the examples above, all of them inking entries from the 2004 contest.

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1427 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, March 22; results appear April 11 in print, April 8 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our new Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a practical-joke toy called Sneekum Pet Pranksters. It’s a little box you put in your shirt pocket; then surprise your erstwhile friends as a little hairy monkey-monster head suddenly pops up. Think how that would impress your Zoom-date! Donated by Dave Prevar.

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Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No ’Bility” or “Punderachiever.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Mixed Media” was sent by both Tom Witte and Jesse Frankovich; Dave Prevar wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, March 11, at wapo.st/conv1427.

The “You’re Invited” podcast: Eleven half-hour episodes, including dish from the Empress and the Czar, and tips from top Losers. (Coming soon: Episode 12, with a new song.) See bit.ly/invite-podcast.

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And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Mixed media: The headline anagrams of Week 1423
In Week 1423, inspired by (a.k.a. ripping off) the Wordsmith.org website Anagram Times, we asked readers to choose a headline from The Post or another publication, and to rearrange all its letters into an anagram. It’s a tough task to make something that uses exactly every letter — none missing, none extra — into a readable line of English; in the process of finding the gems below, the Empress read through hundreds of anagrams like “Wintertime splotch subjugates oath. Notebook: Curb, force truth. Havoc hens fret. Onto presumptive theme: ‘I.’ ”

4th place:
Headline: WHO fact-finding mission departs China empty-handed
Anagrams to: Whining of D.T.: “As if! China started Dems’ phony pandemic!” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

3rd place:
Ted Cruz admits he has ‘no defense’ for Texas’ current energy debacle =
Decent excuse for strange beard? Ted Cruz freely admits he has none. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

2nd place
and the Butt Station desk set:
Biden moves to hard part of reversing Trump legacy =
Removes ‘perfect’ bathroom stain, gravy puddle ring (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
Perseverance Probe Successfully Lands on Mars =
Endless Probes From Space Cleverly Scan Uranus (Jesse Frankovich)

Magnets = Angst 'em: Honorable mentions
Fauci predicts ‘open season’ for vaccinations by April =
“Can a professional stab us?” “Correct — dive in!” [Yip of panic.] (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)

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Doodles and giggles: Some senators spend impeachment trial in distraction =
I scanned phone, Googled at “presidential transgressions committed,” dismal! (Kristin Braly, Baltimore)

Make the magic happen =
Keep the MAGA champ in — Josh Hawley . . . OR . . .
Impeach the peak G-man — Nancy Pelosi (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

Can I Still Wear My Grandmother’s Fur? =
Run wild, nasty girl! From the cameras. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

House managers wrap up their case in Trump impeachment trial =
“Trump is a cheap, repugnant, immature man who repeats rich lies.” (Jesse Frankovich)

Health code violations =
Ooh, locals invite death! (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Millions lose power in Texas, northern Mexico as blackouts and bitter cold continue =
Notable climate-hoax notion tricks town’s credulous, inexplicable moron residents (Kevin Dopart)

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Millions without power as winter weather blasts the U.S. =
This white-out’s terrible! Lotsa snow! We ain’t warm! Help us! (Jesse Frankovich)

The glories of cabbage =
I forage, eat gobs, belch (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Pence remains loyal to Trump =
It’s truly man-romance, people (Chris Doyle)

Tracking Biden’s political appointees =
Picking tepid, banal Eastern politicos (Hannah Seidel)

As mating rituals go, Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad =
Bods uniting at a sassy animal love isn’t G-rated! (Steve Allison, Milford, Conn., a First Offender)

Impeachment impressions =
Mitch simpers: “A spine? Me? No.” (Duncan Stevens)

Biden team pledges aggressive steps to address chip shortage =
President delivered bagged crisp potatoes, gets (shh!) massages (Joe Neff, Warrington, Pa.)

How to stand out while working remotely =
Lo! the muted-toilet work is wrong, anyhow! (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

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Hustler publisher always tested limits =
Larry established I must sleep with lust (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Taking your 9 to 5 on the road =
95: Ratty, honking auto rodeo (Jonathan Jensen)

Love, in all its permutations =
Mull alternative positions (Kevin Dopart)
Love, in all its permutations =
A million venal prostitutes (Duncan Stevens)
Love, in all its permutations =
Simple vanilla is not utter ‘O’ (Danielle Nowlin)

‘I’m not a cat,’ says lawyer having Zoom difficulties =
Miaow! Activating a shy, crazy feline lifts U.S. mood (Bruce Niedt, Cherry Hill, N.J.)

In the Galleries: Personal and political perspectives on the past =
In the Galleries: It’s liver, onions, Scotch tape, and paper pet lapels (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

What’s sexy in a pandemic? Caution. =
Pony twins exhaust academician (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)

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It’s time for baseball =
Baltimore fails best (Duncan Stevens)

Mardi Gras celebrations restricted following last year’s super-spreader event =
A seeming result’s wild party girls can’t reveal parts in order to score free beads (Jesse Frankovich)

About the impeachment trial =
A beaten Trump: ‘I loathe Mitch’ (Jonathan Jensen)

The GOP’s lout caucus =
Thug coup: Lost cause (Jeff Contompasis)

What are sperm telling us? =
Get in! Her wall’s upstream! (Chris Doyle)

Trading her classroom for a police beat =
For a teacher, it’s grim. No dollars. Be a cop. (Mark Raffman)

Do you need insurance for your water and sewer lines? =
You do need insurance for your Western Wiener Salad! (Frank Osen)

Ted Cruz Provides 9 Crisis Management Lessons For Business Leaders =
Bastard Ted Cruz Provides Series of Lessons in General Scumminess (Jesse Frankovich)

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And Last: Loser: Try, toil, ace! = (headline:) Closer to reality = Loser: Toil, cry, eat (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Still running — deadline Monday night, March 15: The latest installment of our bank headline contest. See wapo.st/invite1426.

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