Style Invitational Week 1423: Muddled heads — anagram a headline
Plus the winners of our biennial ‘joint legislation’ wordplay contest
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(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By
Pat Myers
Feb. 11, 2021 at 9:54 a.m. EST

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(Click here to skip down to the “joint legislation” winners)

The Down Side to Life in a Supertall Tower: Leaks, Creaks, Breaks (New York Times)

Rearrange all those letters to make this anagram:
“Shake, rattle, and roll — we dance to it” works . . . Lessees? I barf! I puke! (Steve Allison in Anagram Times)

Josh Hawley Blasts ‘Lie’ He Incited Riot As Missouri Newspaper Calls Him ‘FrankenHawley’ (Newsweek) =

Fiery Trump ally is ill on air! Swine was senseless when a harsh mob hijacked the Capitol! (Maurice Goddard in Anagram Times)

We think it belongs on the Resolute Desk, but you could put it on yours. This week’s second prize.
We think it belongs on the Resolute Desk, but you could put it on yours. This week’s second prize. (CSB Commodities)
We’ve been scrambling a lot of late at The Style Invitational, thanks to the eagerness of anagram buffs in the Loser Community. A couple of months ago we had a contest for anagramming song titles and lyrics; now, at the suggestion of Loser Jonathan Jensen, we turn to another regular source of Invite fodder: This week: Choose a headline (or part of a headline) in any print or online publication dated Feb. 11-22 and rearrange all its letters into an anagram, as in the examples above posted this week in the Anagram Times, a continually updated collection of reader-submitted headline anagrams under the marvelous umbrella of Wordsmith.org, which also publishes Anu Garg’s email newsletter A. Word. A. Day (one of the Empress’s faves) and — please use this if you enter — the handy-dandy Anagram Checker: You copy in the text you’re anagramming, and then your anagram, and the software does a little happy dance if the anagram is valid. While you may not add or omit letters in your anagram, you may use capitalization and punctuation however you like. Along with the original headline and the anagram, give the name and date of the publication; if it’s online, please supply a link so the E can find it.

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Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1423 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Feb. 22; results appear March 14 in print, March 11 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the Butt Station, a nifty desk set consisting of a tape dispenser in the shape of a Gumbyish green humanoid sitting on a toilet. The toilet bowl functions as a paper clip holder — especially because Not Gumby’s butt has a magnet to hold the clips. The Empress has one of these on her very own desk in the currently very lonely Post newsroom; this one was donated by Loser Steve Smith.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No ’Bility” or “Punderachiever.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Bill Becomes LOL” is by Jesse Frankovich; Tom Witte wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

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The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, Feb. 11, at wapo.st/conv1423.

The “You’re Invited” podcast: Ten half-hour episodes, including dish from the Empress and the Czar, and tips from top Losers. See bit.ly/invite-podcast.

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Bill becomes LOL: The ‘joint legislation’ of Week 1419
Week 1419 was our biennial contest in which you create “joint legislation” by combining the names of new members of Congress. The Empress hopes that they could be so productive on Capitol Hill: She received more than 2,000 “bills,” many of them featuring Torres-Ossoff, and very many of them featuring Rep. Donalds.

It helps to read the bills out loud (perhaps repeatedly) and of course to know how the names are pronounced: Returned-to-Congress Rep. Issa is pronounced EYE-sa; Gimenez is HIM-e-nes; and Rep. Herrell is pretty close to Hurl.

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Still stumped? See this week’s Style Conversational column (published late Thursday, Feb. 11) for all the translations.

4th place:
The Moore-Greene-Salazar-Good Act mandates fresh leafy veggies to school lunch programs. (Pia Palamidessi, Cumberland, Md.)

3rd place:
The Mann-Jones-Steel-Owens-Moore Resolution lamenting the perpetual inability to keep up with the neighbors. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.; Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
[Man, Jones still owns more]

2nd place
and the Four Seasons Total Landscaping mug:
The Kim-Torres-Ossoff Act expressing sympathy for Kanye West. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
The Bordeaux-Gimenez-Torres Resolution, limiting long-winded uncles at Thanksgiving to 20 minutes tops. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
[Bored o' him and his stories]

Dork barrel legislation: Honorable mentions
The Newman-Bice-Moore-Tiffany Act to set minimum engagement ring sizes for aspiring second husbands. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
[New man buys . . .]

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The Mann-Torres-Spartz-Good Resolution discouraging the practice of barbed-wire hurdling. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

The Herrell-Harshbarger-Fischbach rule that if your Big Mac makes you sick, you can get a free Filet. (Kathy White, Fairfax, Va., a First Offender; Dan Helming, Trenton, N.J.)

The Jacobs-Lummis-Jacobs Act to prevent the taking of property from landlords in underserved areas. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
[Jacob’s slum is Jacob’s]

The Issa-Tiffany-Herrell-Bordeaux Act to encourage teens to alert a trusted adult when a friend abuses alcohol. (Seth Tucker, Washington)
[I saw Tiffany . . .]

The Good-Hinson-Bush Act requiring all police investigations to check for clues behind the landscaping. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

The Mann-Fallon-Owens-Good Act endorsing the doctrine of original sin. (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)
[Man fallen; no one’s good]

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The Fallon-Issa-Keller Act requiring that sidewalks be salted during snow season. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
[Fall on ice: a killer]

The Fallon-Steel-Good Act enshrining the five-second rule into law. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)
[Fallen, still good]

The Fitzgerald-Good Act to resculpt the statue of President Ford in the Capitol with a better-tailored suit. (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)

The Good-Herrell Act to reverse all executive orders from the previous administration, because sometimes you just need a Good-Herrell to feel better and move on. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

The Hinson-Fischbach-Fallon-Mann-Spartz Act instructs male legislators on the proper method for “tucking in one’s shirt” when alone with a journalist in a hotel room. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

The Moore-Hickenlooper-Pfluger Proclamation that more of anything is better than yesterday’s covfefe. (John Call, Frederick, Md., a First Offender)

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The GOP-sponsored Franklin-Jackson Act authorizes a one-time stimulus payment of $120. (Frank Mann, Washington; Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

The Torres-Ossoff Act to compensate former vice president Mike Pence for what Sen. Harris did to him during their debate. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

The Moore-Clyde-Steel Act to fund a breeding program for Budweiser’s horses. (Fred Shuback, Silver Spring, Md.)
[Clydesdale]

The Bordeaux-Steel-Nehls Prison Cot Reform Act. (David Peckarsky, Tucson)
[Board of steel nails]

The Bordeaux-Jacobs-Williams Act to encourage more novel boys’ names. (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)

The Donalds-Good-Bice Declaration that we really didn’t care if the door hit him on the way out. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

The Good-Bordeaux-Manning ICE Reform Act. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

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The Bowman-Bordeaux-Boebert BananaFannaFoeFert FeeFieFoeFert Boebert Act to mitigate unnecessary name calling. (Scott Straub, Winchester, Va.)

The Ross-Nehls Act to serve escargot sushi at the congressional cafeteria. (Duncan Stevens; Jesse Frankovich) [Raw snails]

The Bentz-Nehls Act to straighten out the escargot. (Mark Raffman)

The Salazar-Mrvan Act to procure a fleet of bullet-resistant trucks. (George Thompson, Springfield, Va.)
[Sell us armor van]

The Jones-Jacobs-Hickenlooper-Spartz Resolution that affirms, “That’s kinda sorta my name, too.” (Sarah Walsh)

The Bice-Kim Act promoting fat-free milk. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.; Jonathan Jensen)

The Fallon-Herrell-Keller-Kelly-Malliotakis-Marshall-Miller-Tuberville-Williams Declaration, telling the former Inciter-in-Chief to go 2L. (William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Feb. 15: our wordplay contest to add a “collaborator” to a movie, song, etc., and then change the title. See wapo.st/invite1422.

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