Style Invitational Week 1408: Re-Organization — tweak the name of a charity
Plus the winning questions to our answers in Ask Backwards
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(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
Oct. 29, 2020 at 9:59 a.m. EDT
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(Click here to skip down to the winning Ask Backwards questions)
The American Rung Association: Sponsoring charity balls for social climbers. (Kathy El-Assal)
American Foundation for the Bland: Support and advocacy for the terminally boring. (Jeff Contompasis)
Panned Parenthood: Support group for people filled with regret about bringing ungrateful brats into this world. (Jeff Contompasis)
It’s that time of year when many of us are paging through the Combined Federal Campaign catalogue of charities — thousands and thousands. So we’d better offer some more choices, right? Back in Week 1254 we had a contest to change the name of a commercial business by one letter; Loser Jeff Contompasis suggests this week’s variation: Slightly change the name of a nonprofit organization and describe it, as in the examples above (Kathy El-Assal’s was an inking entry back in Week 997 for dubious causes). You might also include a funny slogan. By “slightly” we mean that the original name should be easily recognized; it doesn’t have to be a one-letter change.
You can toucan if you win this week's second-prize socks.
You can toucan if you win this week's second-prize socks.
Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1408 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Nov. 9; results will appear Nov. 29 in print, Nov. 25 online.
Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy, or its replacement trophy (TBA). Second place receives this season’s de rigueur fashion statement: a pair of stretchy socks that, between them, replicate a box of Froot Loops, all the way up to the “nutrition” information.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No ’Bility” or “Punder-achiever.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Askmasters” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Kevin Dopart; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
THE PODCAST IS BACK WITH . . . In Episode 5 of “You’re Invited,” host Mike Gips interviews Gene Weingarten, the founder and deposed Czar of The Style Invitational. Gene shares some juicy stuff about the Invite’s early days and weighs in on today’s contests as well. Hear it at bit.ly/invite-podcast.
The Style Conversational: This week, the Empress shares the picture that Gene talks about in the podcast. See wapo.st/conv1408.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
Askmasters: Inking questions from Week 1404
Week 1404 was our umpteenth-plus-one Ask Backwards contest, in which we give the “answers” and you supply the questions. Perhaps the best question of the bunch was submitted by too many people to credit:
A. The Washington Football Team’s Mascot.
Q. What is the name of the Washington Football Team’s mascot?
Special bonus! To weigh in on the categories “Ken Jennings and Kylie Jenner” and “Alex Tribeca,” the Empress recruited Ken Jennings himself! Ken’s faves among those entries are noted below.
Q. Who tweeted: “Great speech yesterday in Gettysburg! Union widows LOVE their President (ME)!”? Frank Mann, Washington)
A. Shut Up Man.
Q. Who is Florida Man’s attorney? (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio; Pia Palamidessi, Cumberland, Md.)
and the Chinese army-style cap:
A. Ken Jennings and Kylie Jenner.
Q. Who are Mr. Trivia and Ms. Trivial? (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.; this was Ken’s favorite in this category as well)
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
A. The Republic Forwhichistan.
Q. Where can you find One Asian Undergod — except he's invisible? (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Stinquiries: Honorable mentions
A. May 30, 2022. Q. When is the earliest we can expect this year to be over? (Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.)
A. $750.02. Q. What tax bill suggests that somebody forgot to deduct the Sharpie ink used in his 1040 signature? (Gary Crockett)
A. $750.02. Q. When we all finally go back to work, what will be the peak toll on I-66? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
A. Alex Tribeca. Q. Who can be found in a Lower Manhattan bar ordering his daily double? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
A. Alex Tribeca. Q. Who replaced Art Flushing? (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Frank Mann; this was Ken’s “Alex Tribeca” choice, though “too bad there’s not a MANHATTAN neighborhood that sounds like ‘Fleming’ ”)
A. Alex Tribeca. Q. To whom do you say, “I’ll take one-bedroom apartments for $6,000 a month, Alex”? (Gary Crockett; Dan Helming, Trenton, N.J.; Ken’s second choice)
A. The New Cabinet Department We Need. Q. What is the Department of Presidential Affairs? (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.; Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)
A. The New Cabinet Department We Need. Q. What is the Internal Reality Service? (Joe McManus, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender)
A. The New Cabinet Department We Need. Q. What is the Department of Homeland Serenity? (Edmund Conti, Raleigh; David Shombert, Harrisonburg, Va.; Frank Mann)
A. Chris Wallace’s Glasses. Q. Which was the second ugliest of the spectacles at the first presidential debate? (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
A. Chris Wallace’s Glasses. Q: What got more spit on them than a pitcher’s mound? (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)
A. Chris Wallace’s Glasses. Q. When the Fox News crew gets together, what do they drink the Kool-Aid in? (Leila Boyer, Dunkirk, Md., a First Offender)
A. Downton Outhouse. Q. Where is there always a long line of ladies-in-waiting? (Beverley Sharp)
A. Downton Outhouse. Q. What did the servants check for creepy Crawleys? (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; John O’Byrne, Dublin)
A. Downton Outhouse: Q. What building’s anteroom had only one footman? (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
A. Downton Outhouse. Q. On whose walls would you find the inscription “O Lord, Grantham pees”? (Greg Dobbins, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
A. The Republic Forwhichistan. Q. What country’s language has the letter Elemenopee? (Gail Carter, Martinsburg, W.Va., a First Offender)
A. The Republic Forwhichistan. Q. Where do they sing about “the toilet’s last cleaning”? (Frank Mann)
A. The Republic Forwhichistan: Where do they have libertine adjusters for all? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
A. Ken Jennings and Kylie Jenner. Q. Who are a man who did thunderously win, and a woman who is wondrously thin? (Mark Calandra, Wenham, Mass.; Ken Jennings: “A stretch but it’s such a nice spoonerism! I’m such a sucker for those.”)
A. Ken Jennings and Kylie Jenner. Q. Whose SAT answers did Aunt Becky think she was buying, and whose did she actually buy? (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park; Ken: “I also liked this one, but I had the biggest crush on Lori Loughlin as a kid.”)
A. Ken Jennings and Kylie Jenner. Q. Whose careers got a big boost from “Jeopardy!” and a celebrity family feud? (Steve Smith)
A. @UnrealAbrahamLincoln: Who tweeted, “James Buchanan? Hah! He’ll go down as the worst president in the next 160 years!” (Mark Raffman, Reston)
A. The Washington Football Team’s Mascot Q. What is the PAC Rat? (Chris Doyle)
A. The Washington Football Team’s Mascot. Q. Who is Owen Sixteen? (Frank Mann)
A. The Washington Football Team’s Mascot. Q. What’s that big shrugging emoji being painted on FedEx Field? (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)
A. A Mazel Tov Cocktail: Q. How did God ignite the Burning Bush? (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
A. A Mazel Tov Cocktail: Q. What drink is made from Manischewitz and cream soda and is often hurled? (Jeff Lubbers, Takoma Park; Andrew Hatziyannis, Rockville)
A. Shake, Rattle and Plop. Q. What was a 1954 hit for Bill Haley and the Commodes? (Frank Osen)
A. Shut Up Man. Q. What superhero has been called in to moderate the next debate? (Jim Derby, Gettysburg, Pa.; David Peckarsky, Tucson; Sarah Jay)
A. Shut Up Man. Q. What is a positively brilliant, supremely witty riposte? — N. Pelosi (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
A. LAP, CLAP and WAP. Q. What are one thing you know Santa has, and two you hope he doesn’t? (Mark Raffman)
A. A Room Without a Roof. Q. What will make everyone but Pharrell unhappy? (Jeff Contompasis)
A. A Room Without a Roof. Q. Now that she has spoken her last troof and drawn her last breaf, what have the Supreme Court justices’ chambers become? (Tom Witte)
A. A Room Without a Roof. Q. What was the first thing you made with your new 50,000 BTU teppanyaki grill? (Jeff Contompasis)
A. Keep On Smizing. Q. What song lyric might you use to rhyme with “Don’t worry about the violent post-election uprising?” (Duncan Stevens)
A. A Spelling Hornet. Q. At which competition do contestants ask, “Could you please use that in a sAAAaaarrrghgh!” (Frank Osen)
A. LAP, CLAP and WAP. Q. Hey, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion, what do you call a cat from Los Angeles, a cat that’s a certified learning assistant, and a cat that falls in the water a lot? (Duncan Stevens)
A. LAP, CLAP and WAP.Q. What are President Trump’s favorite dance type, personal Vietnam and body part in increasing order of importance? (Stephen Dudzik)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 2: Our contest for ads from space, a prison, etc. See wapo.st/invite1407.
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