Style Invitational Week 1405: Okay, once more around the track
You asked, we give another ‘grandfoal’ contest. Plus winning jokes in haiku form.
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(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By
Pat Myers
Oct. 8, 2020 at 9:48 a.m. EDT
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(Click here to skip down to the winning jokes in haiku form)

Breed Hello, Mother with Regret Later and name the foal Still on Phone

Howls of Montezuma x Jarhead Kushner = Rotten to the Corps

The Real Dill x JamWow = Putting Pickles Up

Because This Crazy Year included the postponement of the Kentucky Derby, the Invite ended up running its big-deal “foal breeding” contest not only in May, but with another set of horse names in September, whose results ran last week. Also in May, we ran the annual spinoff contest to pair any two of the inking foal names from that first contest to produce “grandfoals.”

The Empress ordered the socks that look like hoofs but got these foxy ones instead. They even have a pad motif on the soles.
The Empress ordered the socks that look like hoofs but got these foxy ones instead. They even have a pad motif on the soles.
So three horse contests in a year! Enough already, right? Nope! After last week’s foal names were announced, Losers and even just-readers wrote to the Empress, asking, “Aren’t you going to do the grandfoals contest again?”

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Noblesse oblige, we guess. This week: At the bottom of this page is a list of the 67 foal names that got ink in Week 1400. Now, “breed” any two and name the offspring to reflect both parents’ names, as in the examples above. As always, the names may not exceed 18 characters including spaces, but one or more characters may be numerals, punctuation marks or other symbols. You may run words together, but the name should be easy to read.

Use the format Name A x Name B = Grandfoal Name for each breeding, as in Examples 2 and 3 above. See this week’s entry form for a few more formatting tips.

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1405 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, Oct. 19; results will appear Nov. 8 in print, Nov. 5 online (as if you’ll have anything else to think about that week).

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Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a pair of socks that look like fox paws, even on the soles. The E had sent away for ones that looked like horse hoofs but . . . well, it’s 2020.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No ’Bility” or “Punder-achiever.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Hai-comedy” is by Jesse Frankovich; Tom Witte wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday, and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you’re new to the grandfoal contest and would like to give it a try, see this week’s at wapo.st/conv1405.

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And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Hai-comedy: Winning jokes in haiku form
In Week 1401 the Empress asked for “X is so Y” jokes, roughly, in haiku form (5, 7, 5 syllables).

4th place:
My hair’s now so long,
I’m like Rapunzel — and she
Couldn’t leave either.
(Sarah Walsh, Rockville)

3rd place:
Your Mama’s so loud
When she snores that I can’t hear
Kimberly Guilfoyle. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

2nd place
and the Compost Cookies:
My state’s so blue that
Trump replaced our mailboxes
With recycling cans.
(Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
I'm so embarrassed,
When I fly abroad I say
I've been deported.
(Frank Mann, Washington)

So-so 'so'-etry: Honorable mentions
There’s such a rush to
Make a vaccine that “warp speed”
May turn to corpse speed.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

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California’s sky
Was so orange, you couldn’t
find the president.
(Spencer Lu, Gaithersburg, Md.)

“WAP”:
So NSFW
I’m SMFH.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

My team is so bad,
When I saw the empty seats
It just seemed normal.
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

Ellen is so kind
She lets her crew take a bow
From the Ellen store.
(Mike Ostapiej, Ravenel, S.C.)

CD sales have sunk
So low they’re behind records —
It’s the vinyl straw.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

He’s so dishonest
That his nose campaigned across
Four swing states at once.
(Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)

Charlotte the spider’s
So careful, she’s always sure
To keep eight feet apart.
(Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

It is so dang hot,
Even the humidity
Says it is the heat.
(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

He’s so untruthful,
He can travel the world on
Frequent-liar miles.
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)

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Trump is so giving,
He paid 130K to
Help a single mom.
(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Falwell’s such a chump,
When his wife is naughty he
Sits in the corner.
(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

This year’s been so tough,
It made 1929
Cry for its mommy.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

She’s so bad at math
She has to study “ ‘Math for
Dummies’ for Dummies.”
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Such a narcissist
That in prison he’ll only
Print vanity plates.
(David Young, Falmouth, Mass.)

Washington’s football
Team is so complete that they
Go the whole nine yards.
(Jesse Rifkin)

Maine’s polls are so bad,
Collins now says Trump really,
REALLY concerns her.
(Chris Doyle)

Pelosi’s so bold,
She’s scheduled her next blowout
For November 3.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

How bad are the fires?
California’s new state song:
“Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.”
(Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

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Each day feels so much
Like the last that each day feels
So much like the last.
(Sarah Walsh)

Bill Barr is so far
Up Trump’s rump that he might bump
Into McConnell.
(Jesse Frankovich)

How Hot Was the Road?
It was so hot, it
Fried not just an egg but the
Chicken crossing it.
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va..)

How Stressed Am I?
Stressed? My doctor asked
If I took my blood pressure
In an Instant Pot.
(Madelyn Rosenberg, Arlington, Va.)

How Bad Is 2020?
This year is so bad
We will need a new cliche
To describe hindsight.
(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Do I Miss Theaters?
I miss them so much,
I now hire people to talk
When I stream Netflix.
(Duncan Stevens)

How Contagious Is It?
It’s so contagious
Even a Jets receiver
Can almost catch it.
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

How Cold Is It?
It’s as cold as when
Trump gets his hand brushed away
By Melania.
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

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How Dead Were They?
They were so dead that
Although they tried, they couldn’t
Vote in Chicago. — (thanks to me!) D.J.T. |
(Minturn Wright, Washington)

I’m such a rebel
I always thumb my nose at rules,
Even in a haiku.
(Jonathan Jensen)

Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 12: our perennial Ask Backwards contest. See wapo.st/invite1404.

DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.

The inking foal names from Week 1400. To see their “parentage” — e.g., Art Collector x Censor = Art Corrector — see the results of that contest at wapo.st/invite1404 .

** *een on TV
Amen Coroner
Amend Corner
Anise-thesia
Arraign in Spain
Art Corrector
Avoid
BAMboozle
Belle of the Bald
BigMisunderstandin
Blame the Dog
Bomb in Gilead
Bone Spurious
Brazilianaire
Cardi O
Cuss and Make Up
Darth Wader
Doris and Natasha
Dress to the Left
Drool Runnings
Expialidocious
Fauxnecia
Fertile Crescent
Finnegans Woke
Fire at Will
First Draft
Flatley Denied
Fraud Astaire
Goo-Google
Halls of Montezoom
HallsOfMontezumba
Hello, Mother
Hg Wails
Hoosier Data?
House of Flusher
How Great Dow Art
Howls of Montezuma
JamWow
Jarhead Kushner
KnowWellKnowWell
Kvetch-O-Matic
Lenooorrrrre!
Little Bunny FU FU
Mad Don and Child
Manafort Knox
Mayor Peat
Nekkid Island
Nitro Dame
Notre Tame
Octopi Wall Street
Pits and Pendulum
Plugged IN
Puttin’OnTheWrits
Regret Later
RV Weinstein
Saint Nick
Sermonotonous
St. Knickerless
St. NaCl-less
Stubble Genius
Tennisy Williams
The Credible Hulk
The Real Dill
Two Corinthians
Venus de Miler
What’sYoursIsMayan
Yum Kippur