Style Invitational Week 1363: The Year in Redo, Part 2
Try (or retry) any of our past 24 contests. Plus winning ‘air quote’ sentences.
Announcing our new Loser Mug for third- and fourth-place finishers, replacing our "Gotta Play to Lose" model. The idea got ink for Drew Bennett in a long-ago contest. Limited edition of 72! (Design by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

Pat Myers
Dec. 19, 2019 at 10:00 a.m. EST
(Click here to skip down to the winning “air quote” sentences.)

Winner of Week 1351, Halloween ideas: Stick some googly eyes on your rotating lawn sprinkler and say it’s Rudy Giuliani. (Hildy Zampella)

Winner of Week 1336, something you could say both at a restaurant and when Trump visits your country: “Can we get it to go?” (Rob Cohen)

Winner of Week 1340, change a famous name slightly: Marlon Blando: “Stella, could you come here for a minute?” (Jonathan Jensen)

Winner of Week 1348, compare two items from a list: How is a hard Brexit like a pair of Jockey shorts? They’re both things we hope we never see Boris Johnson pull off. (Jon Ketzner)

You're never fully dressed without a smile! This week's second prize, modeled by Valerie Holt. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
You're never fully dressed without a smile! This week's second prize, modeled by Valerie Holt. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post)
It’s Week 2 of our annual retrospective, in which you get to enter any of the previous year’s contests. Last week we covered November 2018 to May; now you get a crack at the 25 newer ones, all the way up to this week’s results. That stretch includes fake trivia; cartoon captions; two song parody contests that more or less overlap; timely Halloween ideas; poems featuring new dictionary words; limericks; double-entendres; more more more — and of course several contests for neologisms, in which you coin a new word. So: Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1334 through Week 1359. You may enter multiple contests as long as you don’t submit more than 25 entries in all. Feel free to refer to more recent news in any of the contests. You may even resubmit non-inking entries from earlier contests.


See descriptions and links for all the old contests in this week’s Style Conversational column at (published late Thursday afternoon, Dec. 19). Please check the results of that week’s contest (four weeks down the list) to make sure your idea didn’t already get ink. Please begin each entry with the week number plus a reminder of which contest that is (e.g., “Week 1340, puns on people’s names”). If you’re not a Post subscriber, email me at and I’ll give you other directions.

Submit up to 25 entries at (no capitals in the Web address). Don’t use the entry forms for the earlier contests! Deadline is Monday, Dec. 30; results will appear Jan. 19 in print, Jan. 16 online.

Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a thin, stretchy mouth-mask in a cheery hideous-skull motif, modeled obligingly here by the Crown Princess of The Style Invitational, a.k.a. Valerie Holt and Thing Two.


Other runners-up win one of the new “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mugs or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at The headline “C‘lose R’eadings’ is by Chris Doyle; Kathy El-Assal wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress's weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, reviews each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter — I'll include synopses and links for of the contests you can use for this week's recap — check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


C'lose R'eadings': Winners of our special 'air quotes' contest
In Week 1359 the Empress put a spin on the Invitational’s recurring “air quotes” contest; this time the quote had to span two or more words. She yawned throug a multitude of “pen is” jokes to unearth the gems here. Note: To read some of the air quotes, you’ll have to move the spaces around a bit; below, for instance, “pant, son” becomes “pants on.”

4th place:
The president’s motives were clear, as anyone can see by reading the t“ext or t”ranscript of his calls. (Mark Raffman, Reston)

3rd place:
“The Flat Earth Society is having a meeting — if you want to be a partici‘pant, son, head’ on in. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring)

2nd place
and the Hanukkah socks with the 7-branch menorah:
“That will absolutely be your la‘st fu’lmination, Rudy! (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)


And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
"Honey, I just got the results in and . . . thi's is ter'-rible . . ." (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

Indisputa'ble h'onor: Honorable mentions
As we watched Fiona H“ill wind”-ing up her testimony, it was clear she smelled something rotten. (Sam Mertens)

“Honest‘ly, in g’iving you the car for this price, I’m losing money!” (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)

What do I love most about you? Hm-m-m . . . oh, yeah! You are Nirv“ana to my” soul! (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Although never a fait ac“compli, cit”ations from legal cases proved it was still an impeachable offense. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

All this bravado and big talk is ho“w I’m p”ublicly making myself look strong and powerful!! (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

I “hear Se”an is hitching a ride to go volcano surfing today — do you know if he has a ride back? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)


“Your second inauguration, Mr. President? I’d be delighted to pla‘n it wit’h Jared.” (Chris Doyle)

Two weeks ago, the freezer went ka“put. Rid”iculous to throw away all that good food, though! (Beverley Sharp)

At their weekly golf match, if he could shoot “par, Don”ald Trump promised Roger Stone a big prize. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

A wife who tinkers with the temperature settings at home will pu“t her most at” odds with her husband. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

“Listen, intelligence agencies: I don’t need any more of your in‘put; in’deed, I have a better source of data.” (Mark Raffman)

Going out on a l“imb, I be”t I know how some people are dealing with the whole impeachment news. (Sam Mertens)

Analysts expect that the outlook for the budget motel indus“try st”ays strong this holiday season. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)


Many a pla“ce o”f business has at least one overpaid, underqualified executive. (Sam Mertens)

“At those pageants, oh, I’m so sl‘ick. Y’ou can do anything when you’re a celebrity.” (Joanne Free, Clifton)

“Why don’t you put that thing away so we can talk about our feelings on this tr‘ip, hone’y?” Jeff Shirley)

Did the ’Skins choose the wrong quarterback to go wit‘h? ask ins’iders. (Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.)

Can you believe the . . . amazing husban“d I’m wit”h? — M. Trump (Jesse Frankovich)

Hey, i“f I red”irected a few company funds into my bank account, is that a problem? (Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)

“As your next president I promise change, a new direction, and better live‘s. Ame’rica, you can trust me!” (Sarah Walsh)

“If you ask ‘me, th’is trailer park has everything we need.” (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.)


Nine out of 10 Fox News viewers say the administration’s immigration recor“d is a ster”ling success. (Chris Doyle)

Our neighbor will occasionally get ti“psy, chop at h”is hand and bury a finger in the backyard, but otherwise he seems like a normal guy. (Chris Doyle)

Professor, are you sure giving the class a take-home fin“al exa”m was a good idea? (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.)

“I’m always the smartest person in the roo‘m or on’line!” he tweeted. (Joe Neff, Warrington, Pa.)

After they leave the “spa, Ms. Pam’s pa, Ms. Pam’s ma and her children will lead us in some Monty Python songs. (Jeff Shirley)

Who’s the most sni“de, vin”dictive member of Congress? (Frank Mann, Washington)

Who’s to blame for gu“n ra”mpages? Oh, it’s a mystery. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Given our great wealth and social standing, we fe“el it is m”eant to be that we should also have all the power. (Jesse Frankovich)


At the “purity ball,” fathers and daughters conduct a lovely, no“ble, ch”aracter-building ceremony that binds the daughter to the father until he hands her over, unsullied by any man, to her husband. (Sarah Walsh)

He tells Kim and Pu“tin y”es, but makes our allies scratc“h and s”crape, leading us to wonder why he loves dictators so much more than democracies. (Mark Raffman)

“Vote for me and I will drain the swam‘p and er’ ect a great wall, and give you all your jobs back in the coal industry!” (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Childless female seeks no-nonsen“se men”sch for as many dates as needed. (Chris Doyle)

And Last: I’m installing ex“tra sh”elves for all my Style Invitational prizes. (Sam Mertens)

And Even Laster: Style Invitational Losers are co“ol, d”ynamic people. (Jesse Rifkin, 27, Arlington, Va.)

And the Very Lastest: “Dang!” I s“pat, ‘My ers’atz humor attempts need help from a pro! If only there were somebody I could blatantly suck up to! (Sam Mertens)

Still running — deadline Monday, Dec. 23: Part 1 of our 2019 do-over contest. See

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