Style Invitational Week 1357: It’s parody time!


Write us some song lyrics about the news. Plus winning ‘opposites’
of movie titles.

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)


By
Pat Myers
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Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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November 7, 2019 at 10:32 a.m. EST

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning plays on movie titles)

*Oh, the climate inside is frightful,*
*But to fire is so delightful!*
*My staffers? All friends-turned-foe — *
*Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!*

*And it doesn’t show signs of stopping;*
*(Truth be told, I’m fond of chopping!)*
*I’ll give ’em the old heave-ho — *
*Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!*
/— / /Beverley Sharp, Week 1304/

Last year around this time, the Empress asked for songs about topics in
the news, set to a winter holiday tune. This time, as we usually do in
our song parody contests, we’ll let you loose on the entire songbook.
*This week: Write a satirical song about anything in the news right now,
set to a familiar tune (or even one of your own, if you perform it on
video). *

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If you make a video, we might feature it in the online Invite, but it’s
the quality of the lyrics that matters most. If you do, send us a link
that will be public by the time the results are published. If you’re
sending just the lyrics, it’s helpful to include a link to a video or
audio file so an online reader can follow along and hear the melody.


Submit up to 25 entries — really, we’ve had people send us 25 songs — at
*wapo.st/enter-invite-1357* (no
capitals in the Web address). *Deadline is Monday, Nov. 25 — we’re
giving you an extra week;* results published Dec. 8 in print, Dec. 5 online.

*Winner gets the ***Lose *Cannon,
*
our Style Invitational trophy. Now, I usually don’t like to award costly
prizes, lest losing Losers start filing grievances, but this week,
*second place receives ***money*!* First we have //a 10-dollar note from
the Federal Bank of Zimbabwe, marked “Harare 1997”; in the early 2000s,
the country’s currency suffered such insane hyperinflation — eventually
231 million percent — that the bank was printing out
100-/trillion-/dollar bills. (The government abandoned the currency in
2009 and switched to foreign money, and just this year brought back a
Zimbabwean dollar — which is now inflating at 290 percent
per year.) But
that’s not all! Also included is a 10-pack of $100 bills, or, more
precisely, mini-pictures of same on facial tissues.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de) Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at
wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Box Office
Flips” was sent separately by Marco Di Pietro and Jesse Frankovich;
Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.


*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/conv1357.


And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


Box office flips: 'Opposite' movies from Week 1353

In *Week 1353 * the Empress asked the Loser
Community to change a word in a movie title to its “opposite” —
stipulating that the word would be interpreted with some generosity —
and describe the new movie. At least 30 people offered up some sort of
“Undocumented Immigrant Kane”; 23 had “All the President’s Women.”


4th place:

*Drop-22:* Experience an NFL game from the perspective of Redskins wide
receivers./(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)/


3rd place:

*Moby Niceguy:* Seafaring yarn about an eco-conscious mariner and his
quest to rescue endangered whales./(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) /

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2nd place

/and the Twinkle Tush
‘jewel’
to hang under a cat’s tail: /
*Don’t You Be My Neighbor:* Lindsey Graham becomes the host of a
children’s show on Fox. /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) /


And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*The Lion Queen:* Nala overthrows Scar and saves the kingdom, but is
still criticized for seeming shrill and unlikable./(Jesse Rifkin,
Arlington, Va.) /


The plot thins: Honorable mentions

***Melted: *When fearless Princess Anna sets off on a journey to the
Arctic to reunite with her sister, all she finds is a carrot in a
puddle. /(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) /

*Bald: *The sunset of the Aged of Aquarius. /(Bruce Carlson, Alexandria,
Va.)/

*Woke Beauty:* Disney’s newest princess doesn’t need a kiss — without
consent while she’s unconscious, no less — from some rando prince for
validation! She knows what time it is, and she’s a true warrior for
equal rights and social justice. /(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis; Mary
Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.) /


*White Hawk Down: *The latest chapter in the John Bolton story. /(Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.) /

*20,000 Leagues Over the Sea: *The Navy introduces a massive bowling
program on its ships to help the sailors cope with long voyages. /(Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.) /

*Avengers: Beginning-Game: *Prequel chases these heroes back to days of
deadly spitballing and ridiculous four-square skills. /(Dan Helming,
Trenton, N.J.) /

*Hygienic Harry:* “Go ahead, punk, make my bed!” /(Lee Graham,
Rockville, Md.) /

//*Sadiator: *It’s hard to get happy when you’re fighting for your life
XXIV hours a day, VII days a week. /(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) /


//*Death of Pi:* A very short film about a boy on a raft with a tiger.
/(Stuart Anderson, Seattle) /

*Sober Noon: *An Old West marshal faces the hardest morning of his life
when he discovers that the saloon won’t open till 2:30. /(Larry Gray) /


*High Midnight:* The Hadleyville pizza joint just closed, and this
burrito ain’t big enough for the both of them! /(Doug Frank, Houston) /

*12 Happy Men: *An all-male jury reaches a quick unanimous decision so
that they can all get home in time for “Monday Night Football.” /(Rick
Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) /

*The Dropout:* “Ben, there’s a great future in plastics — but I’ll have
the paper bags today, thanks.” /(Marco Di Pietro, Germantown, Md., a
First Offender) /


*Mission: Possible*: Agent Ethan Hunt is tasked with getting more toner
for the IMF office printer. /(Jesse Rifkin) /

*Raging Cow:* Trump uses a focus group to finalize nicknames for Warren,
Harris and Klobuchar. /(Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) /

*Big Little Woman:* Amusing tale of the forgotten 121-year-old March
sister who was kidnapped and raised by the Cheyenne./(Jon Ketzner) /


*Around the Block in 80 Days: *An aging Phileas Fogg pulls out his
walker for one last adventure. /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) /

//*Small:* An old man who wishes to be young again goes back to middle
school, doesn’t do his homework and calls everyone by silly nicknames.
/(Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.) /


*Warm Hand Luke:* The other prisoners decide to play a prank on the new
guy with a bowl of water while he’s sleeping./(Jeff Shirley) /

*Triumph of the Won’t: *Parents attempt to manage a 2-year-old would-be
dictator. /(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) /

*The Godmother: *Cinderella skips the ball and arranges for her
stepsisters to sleep with the fishes. /(Bruce Johnson, Churchton, Md.) /

*One Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest: *The president welcomes this month’s
acting secretary of homeland security./(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) /


*Partial Recall:* The true story of (someone) who (did something).
/(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)/

*Performance Improvement Plan on the Bounty:* Captain Bligh agrees to
reduce keelhauling by 90 percent over six weeks. /(Pamela Love,
Columbia, Md.)/

*Curable Attraction:* Trump voters finally abandon the president after
he is caught boiling the Easter Bunny alive. /(Mike Gips) /

*Night of the Dead Dead:* Not much happens in this inaction
thriller./(Dave Zarrow)/

*North by Southwest:* A woman not only must take an interminable flight
to Saskatchewan, but she doesn’t even get an assigned seat! /(Bill Dorner) /

*Realpoo:* A successful hairdresser’s dreams collapse when the secret
ingredient in his “conditioner” is revealed. /(Larry Gray) /

*Remark vs. Remark:* A documentary on the rise of Twitter wars./(Tom
Witte) /

*Rebel Without an Effect: *Kerfuffle-making Jeff Flake takes on Donald
the town bully: He makes an impassioned speech calling for playing nice,
then promptly retires. /(John Bunyan, Cincinnati)/


*Sit and Deliver: *A documentary on the history of constipation
remedies. /(Tom Witte) /

*The Credibles:* The adventures of a family of notaries public. /(Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /

*Insomniac Hollow:* It’s not easy to sleep when a headless horseman is
riding around the neighborhood! /(Pamela Love) /

*Dr. Yes:* Agent 007 finds his source for OxyContin prescriptions. /(Sam
Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) /

*Harry Potter and the Chamber of Obvious Things:* A young sorcerer
realizes that the Elder Wand is actually his, obviating the need for the
next five books. /(Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)/

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 11: our Ask Backwards
contest. See wapo.st/invite1356 . *