Style Invitational Week 1357: It’s parody time!

Write us some song lyrics about the news. Plus winning ‘opposites’
of movie titles.

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

Pat Myers

Image without a caption

Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003



November 7, 2019 at 10:32 a.m. EST

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning plays on movie titles)

*Oh, the climate inside is frightful,*
*But to fire is so delightful!*
*My staffers? All friends-turned-foe — *
*Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!*

*And it doesn’t show signs of stopping;*
*(Truth be told, I’m fond of chopping!)*
*I’ll give ’em the old heave-ho — *
*Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!*
/— / /Beverley Sharp, Week 1304/

Last year around this time, the Empress asked for songs about topics in
the news, set to a winter holiday tune. This time, as we usually do in
our song parody contests, we’ll let you loose on the entire songbook.
*This week: Write a satirical song about anything in the news right now,
set to a familiar tune (or even one of your own, if you perform it on
video). *


If you make a video, we might feature it in the online Invite, but it’s
the quality of the lyrics that matters most. If you do, send us a link
that will be public by the time the results are published. If you’re
sending just the lyrics, it’s helpful to include a link to a video or
audio file so an online reader can follow along and hear the melody.

Submit up to 25 entries — really, we’ve had people send us 25 songs — at
** (no
capitals in the Web address). *Deadline is Monday, Nov. 25 — we’re
giving you an extra week;* results published Dec. 8 in print, Dec. 5 online.

*Winner gets the ***Lose *Cannon,
our Style Invitational trophy. Now, I usually don’t like to award costly
prizes, lest losing Losers start filing grievances, but this week,
*second place receives ***money*!* First we have //a 10-dollar note from
the Federal Bank of Zimbabwe, marked “Harare 1997”; in the early 2000s,
the country’s currency suffered such insane hyperinflation — eventually
231 million percent — that the bank was printing out
100-/trillion-/dollar bills. (The government abandoned the currency in
2009 and switched to foreign money, and just this year brought back a
Zimbabwean dollar — which is now inflating at 290 percent
per year.) But
that’s not all! Also included is a 10-pack of $100 bills, or, more
precisely, mini-pictures of same on facial tissues.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de) Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at . The headline “Box Office
Flips” was sent separately by Marco Di Pietro and Jesse Frankovich;
Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column, published
late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results.
Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Box office flips: 'Opposite' movies from Week 1353

In *Week 1353 * the Empress asked the Loser
Community to change a word in a movie title to its “opposite” —
stipulating that the word would be interpreted with some generosity —
and describe the new movie. At least 30 people offered up some sort of
“Undocumented Immigrant Kane”; 23 had “All the President’s Women.”

4th place:

*Drop-22:* Experience an NFL game from the perspective of Redskins wide
receivers./(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)/

3rd place:

*Moby Niceguy:* Seafaring yarn about an eco-conscious mariner and his
quest to rescue endangered whales./(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) /


2nd place

/and the Twinkle Tush
to hang under a cat’s tail: /
*Don’t You Be My Neighbor:* Lindsey Graham becomes the host of a
children’s show on Fox. /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) /

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*The Lion Queen:* Nala overthrows Scar and saves the kingdom, but is
still criticized for seeming shrill and unlikable./(Jesse Rifkin,
Arlington, Va.) /

The plot thins: Honorable mentions

***Melted: *When fearless Princess Anna sets off on a journey to the
Arctic to reunite with her sister, all she finds is a carrot in a
puddle. /(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) /

*Bald: *The sunset of the Aged of Aquarius. /(Bruce Carlson, Alexandria,

*Woke Beauty:* Disney’s newest princess doesn’t need a kiss — without
consent while she’s unconscious, no less — from some rando prince for
validation! She knows what time it is, and she’s a true warrior for
equal rights and social justice. /(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis; Mary
Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.) /

*White Hawk Down: *The latest chapter in the John Bolton story. /(Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.) /

*20,000 Leagues Over the Sea: *The Navy introduces a massive bowling
program on its ships to help the sailors cope with long voyages. /(Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.) /

*Avengers: Beginning-Game: *Prequel chases these heroes back to days of
deadly spitballing and ridiculous four-square skills. /(Dan Helming,
Trenton, N.J.) /

*Hygienic Harry:* “Go ahead, punk, make my bed!” /(Lee Graham,
Rockville, Md.) /

//*Sadiator: *It’s hard to get happy when you’re fighting for your life
XXIV hours a day, VII days a week. /(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) /

//*Death of Pi:* A very short film about a boy on a raft with a tiger.
/(Stuart Anderson, Seattle) /

*Sober Noon: *An Old West marshal faces the hardest morning of his life
when he discovers that the saloon won’t open till 2:30. /(Larry Gray) /

*High Midnight:* The Hadleyville pizza joint just closed, and this
burrito ain’t big enough for the both of them! /(Doug Frank, Houston) /

*12 Happy Men: *An all-male jury reaches a quick unanimous decision so
that they can all get home in time for “Monday Night Football.” /(Rick
Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) /

*The Dropout:* “Ben, there’s a great future in plastics — but I’ll have
the paper bags today, thanks.” /(Marco Di Pietro, Germantown, Md., a
First Offender) /

*Mission: Possible*: Agent Ethan Hunt is tasked with getting more toner
for the IMF office printer. /(Jesse Rifkin) /

*Raging Cow:* Trump uses a focus group to finalize nicknames for Warren,
Harris and Klobuchar. /(Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) /

*Big Little Woman:* Amusing tale of the forgotten 121-year-old March
sister who was kidnapped and raised by the Cheyenne./(Jon Ketzner) /

*Around the Block in 80 Days: *An aging Phileas Fogg pulls out his
walker for one last adventure. /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) /

//*Small:* An old man who wishes to be young again goes back to middle
school, doesn’t do his homework and calls everyone by silly nicknames.
/(Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.) /

*Warm Hand Luke:* The other prisoners decide to play a prank on the new
guy with a bowl of water while he’s sleeping./(Jeff Shirley) /

*Triumph of the Won’t: *Parents attempt to manage a 2-year-old would-be
dictator. /(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) /

*The Godmother: *Cinderella skips the ball and arranges for her
stepsisters to sleep with the fishes. /(Bruce Johnson, Churchton, Md.) /

*One Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest: *The president welcomes this month’s
acting secretary of homeland security./(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) /

*Partial Recall:* The true story of (someone) who (did something).
/(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)/

*Performance Improvement Plan on the Bounty:* Captain Bligh agrees to
reduce keelhauling by 90 percent over six weeks. /(Pamela Love,
Columbia, Md.)/

*Curable Attraction:* Trump voters finally abandon the president after
he is caught boiling the Easter Bunny alive. /(Mike Gips) /

*Night of the Dead Dead:* Not much happens in this inaction
thriller./(Dave Zarrow)/

*North by Southwest:* A woman not only must take an interminable flight
to Saskatchewan, but she doesn’t even get an assigned seat! /(Bill Dorner) /

*Realpoo:* A successful hairdresser’s dreams collapse when the secret
ingredient in his “conditioner” is revealed. /(Larry Gray) /

*Remark vs. Remark:* A documentary on the rise of Twitter wars./(Tom
Witte) /

*Rebel Without an Effect: *Kerfuffle-making Jeff Flake takes on Donald
the town bully: He makes an impassioned speech calling for playing nice,
then promptly retires. /(John Bunyan, Cincinnati)/

*Sit and Deliver: *A documentary on the history of constipation
remedies. /(Tom Witte) /

*The Credibles:* The adventures of a family of notaries public. /(Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /

*Insomniac Hollow:* It’s not easy to sleep when a headless horseman is
riding around the neighborhood! /(Pamela Love) /

*Dr. Yes:* Agent 007 finds his source for OxyContin prescriptions. /(Sam
Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) /

*Harry Potter and the Chamber of Obvious Things:* A young sorcerer
realizes that the Elder Wand is actually his, obviating the need for the
next five books. /(Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)/

*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 11: our Ask Backwards
contest. See . *