Style Invitational Week 1344: Well, that’s just great — it’s
Limerixicon XVI



Write a limerick featuring a ‘gr-’ word. Plus ‘Mitch McCarnal’ and
other altered names.


(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers


Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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August 8

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning plays on people’s names)

*If a peddler in Athens declares*
*You’ll receive, if you purchase his wares,*
*A free panda that dances,*
*Don’t take any chances:*
*Beware of a Greek gifting bears. * /(Tim Alborn, Week 624, 2005)/

As comes August, lo, so comes the Limerixicon, our annual check-in with
OEDILF.com, where, inexorably since its founding in
early 2004, Chris Strolin and a large band of contributors have been
creating an Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form, tiptoeing
through the alphabet as they strive to complete a whole dictionary with
descriptive and mechanically sound limericks, one letter (or less) at a
time. The Style Invitational latched on in OEDILF’s very first year, and
we haven’t let go, as the site has passed the 100,000-lim mark and
predicts that it’ll be all done by Nov. 3, 2063.

*This week: * *Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick
significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with
“gr,”* as in the example above from Limerixicon 3.

Please see our guide*“Get Your ’Rick Rolling”* at *wapo.st/limericks1344
* for our fairly strict rules on limerick
rhyme and meter (in a nutshell: “perfect” rhyme, and a strong
“hickory-dickory-dock” rhythm in Lines 1, 2 and 5; a “dickory-dock” in
Lines 3 and 4; additional unaccented syllables on either side are fine.
See OEDILF.com about submitting limericks there after this contest is over.

Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1344
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives what is described
on ultra-cheapo Wish.com as “Mens Contoured Pouch Tanning Sleeve Swim
Cover Up Swimwear” and is
the *smallest men’s garment imaginable;* it is essentially a screaming
yellow, very narrow stretch nylon sock with elastic at the top. We
suggest you not swim in it. Or move.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de) Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Aug. 19; *results
published Sept. 8 in print, Sept. 5 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The
headline “Maiming Names” was submitted by both Jesse Frankovich and Tom
Witte; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day
on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow
@StyleInvite on Twitter.

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column,
published late Thursday afternoon, discusses the week’s new contest and
results. Check out this week’s at
wapo.st/conv1344 .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

*MAIMING NAMES: REPORT FROM WEEK 1340*

In*Week 1340 *the Empress asked you to
slightly alter a famous name and describe this new person. There were so
many funny names, not so many funny descriptions. I may, in a future
contest, put a bunch of non-inking names out there and ask for the whole
Greater Loser Community to improve on them.


4th place:

*Mitch McCarnal: *He often “has knowledge of” the American people.
/(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /


3rd place:

*President Nicolás Manuro: * Creating ordure out of chaos. /(Stephen
Gold, London) /


2nd place and the socks that look as if you're wearing sandals
with them
:


*Edgar Allan Po’boy:*
Once upon a midnight dreary,
While he pondered, weak and weary,
Suddenly a rapping eerie sounded at his chamber door.
Unperplexed by all the hubbub,
Said he: “It’s the guy from Grubhub,
Bringing me my favorite pub sub.
Just a sandwich, nothing more.”
/(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) /


And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Marlon Blando:* "Stella, could you come here for a minute?" /(Jonathan
Jensen, Baltimore) /


Name-dropping: Honorable mentions

*Genghis Khan’t:* He couldn’t take that first steppe. /(Ryan Martinez,
Takoma Park, Md., a First Offender) /

*Frank Snotra:* Ol’ Green Nose is back! /(Stephen Gold)/

*Frank Sumatra: *Island crooner who hit the charts with “Fly Me to the
Monsoon.” /(Arnold Berke, Chevy Chase, Md.)/

** *James Brownnose:* The hardest-working man in the Trump
administration. /(Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)/

*Jeans Valjeans:* Levi’s 24601.
/(Sarah Walsh, Rockville,
Md.)/

*Martin Luther Queen:* “I have been 78 percent of the way to the
mountaintop!” /(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va,)/

*Abraham LinkedIn: * “Wait, why is he inviting me to join his team? I
thought we were rivals. ”
/(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.; Richard Wexler, Alexandria,
Va., a First Offender)/

*AE$OP Rocky:* “Hey Mabel, I’ll tell you a fable. I need a donor togive
me some kronor
.”/(Roy
Ashley, Washington)/

*Alexander Gramps Bell: *“What’s that, Watson? Speak up, I can’t hear
you!”/(Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)/

*Andherson Cooper:*How he was known before he became a cele-brity.
/(Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)/

*Brad Pittstain:* Hardest-working actor in Hollywood — and just /too/
hot. /(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.) /

*Charlie Parka:* The /coolest/ jazz. /(Warren Tanabe) /

*C.O.P.D. James:* Her mystery novels will leave you breathless. /(Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)/

*Davy Crock-of-it:* C’mon, no 3-year-old ever killed a b’ar. /(David
Stonner, Washington, a First Offender)/

*Felon Musk:* Holds record for number of battery charges. /(Stephen Dudzik)/

*George Lucuss: *“What the #$@&%*! did Disney do to my Star
Wars?”/(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) /

*Hermit the Frog: *“Leave me alone, you pig!” /(Dave Airozo, Silver
Spring, Md.)/

*I.B. White: *Some pig who wrote “The Elements of Heil!” Now a GOP
speechwriter. /(Kevin Dopart, Washington)/

*Jair Bowsandarrows: *President who plans to take Brazil back to the
Stone Age. /(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)/

*Jeanine Pyro:* Pro-Trump pundit given to inflammatory statements.
(/John Kupiec, Fairfax, Va.)/

*Julius Geezer:* I came, I saw, I conked out. /(Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)/

*Julius Seizure:* He constructed Rome’s Grand Mall. /(Gary Crockett) /

*Julius Sneezer: *“Ah choo, Bruté?” /(Mike Phillips, Washington) /

*Justin Timberrake: *The White House appointed him to put an end to
wildfires. /(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) /

*Mae Westminster Abbey:* A stunning feat of engineering with two
eye-catching spires and a nice apse. /(Pete Morelewicz, Fredericksburg,
Va.)/

*Mark Struckaberg:* CEO who thought his company was unsinkable. /(Warren
Tanabe) /

*Pillory Clinton:* “STOCK HER UP!” /(Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.) /

*Rip Van Tinkle:* Slept for two whole decades, but had to get up every
couple years to pee. /(Mike Phillips; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) /

*Santayana Claus: *Those who don’t remember their present are bound to
regift it. /(David Stonner)/

*Shaquille O’Kneel:* Appears to be only 6-8. /(Jesse Rifkin)/

*Shimmy Hoffa:* Union boss who invented the shakedown. /(Jeff Hazle)/

*Sir Lunchalot*: A Round Knight of the Table. /(Jonathan Jensen)/

*Squadzilla: *Giant lizard whose attempts to stomp on four congresswomen
leveled his party. /(Frank Osen) /

*Stevie Wonderbread: *Played piano with the Osmond Brothers. /(Dave
Ferry, Purvis, Miss.)/

*Trumpelstiltskin: *An evil gnome who spins golden opportunities into
straw. /(Lawrence McGuire) /

*The Writhe brothers: *They downsized airline seats./(Marli Melton,
Carmel Valley, Calif.) /

*Adipose Rex:* Greek king who quipped, “Your Mama’s so fat, even I
wouldn’t do her.” /(Chris Doyle)/

*Bris Harper:* The best cutoff man in baseball. /(Jeff Hazle) /

*Coward Beale: *A network anchor who announced, “I’m mad as hell, and
I’m not going to take this any, um, further.” Played by Peter Flinch.
/(Chris Doyle) /

*Davy Crockpot:* Bear stew in 6-8 hours (4-6 on high). /(Tracy Schultz,
Chicago, a First Offender)/

*Ernest Lemmingway: *The author gives up his rugged individualism and
just goes with the flow. /(David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)/

*George Cloney:* “O Twin Brother, Where Art Thou?” /(William Kennard,
Arlington, Va.)/

*George Frideric Handeljiggler:* Finally figured out how to make the
“water music” stop./(Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)/

*German Melville:* Author of /“Der Mobie Schwanz.” / /(Robert Schechter,
Dix Hills, N.Y.)/

*Ichabod Cranium:* He had something the Headless Horseman really
wanted./(Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)/

*Jay-Zzzz:* He topped the charts with the hip-hop lullaby “REMpire State
of Mind.” /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)/

*Rainy Descartes: *“Thinking about Mondays always gets me down!” /(John
McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) /

*Unclear Sam: *“I want you for the U.S. Army. Or the Agricuture
Department Or the Kiwanis. Whatever.” /(Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)/

*SpongeBob SwearPants:* Successful cartoon character who can’t believe
he still lives in a #@&! pineapple under the *%*! sea/. (Frank Osen) /

*William Merkinley:* Orchestrated the first White House sex cover-up.
/(Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.) /

*Lee J. Throbb:* The leading man in the porn flick “Twelve Angry
Inches.” /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) /

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