Style Invitational Week 1342: Mrgrs — combine two abbreviations

Plus the winning captions for four Bob Staake cartoons. (What WAS
that green thing?)

(Cartoons by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers

Pat Myers

Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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July 25

(Click here to skip down <#report> to this week’s inking cartoon captions)

*AirBNBRB: We’ll hold your reservation.*

*TGIFBI: Coming to our office — Undercover Fridays!*

*NASAARP: For astronauts on their later voyages around the sun. *

This week’s contest was suggested by Longtime Loser Paul Laporte, and it
seems as straightforward as can be (as it always does to the Empress
until she’s bombarded five minutes later with questions):*Combine two
acronyms or other abbreviations, whether of entities or expressions,
into one big one, and then describe it,* offer a slogan for the new
organization, etc. As always, feel free to enhance your description with
a funny sentence showing how you’d use it in the real world. Your entry
will probably be a lot funnier if it’s obvious what abbreviations you’re
combining, as in Paul’s examples above, but there’s a chance that your
joke would work even with an explanation.The abbreviations don’t
necessarily need to appear in their entirety, as long as it’s clear what
they are.

Submit entries at *
* (all lowercase).

Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,

* our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a *Sarcasm
2-Pack:* a metal “National Sarcasm Society” sign

with the motto “Like We Need Your Support”; and atiny wearable button

with the slogan “I never faked a sarcasm in my life.” Yeah, right. The
sign was donated by Nan Reiner, the button by Christina Courtney.

*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Mug or our “Whole Fools”

Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser
magnets, “Too-Weak Notice”

or “Certificate of (de) Merit.”

First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”

for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Aug 5; *results
published Aug. 25 in print, Aug. 22 online. See general contest rules
and guidelines at . The
headline for this week’s results was submitted separately by Chris
Doyle, William Kennard and Jesse Frankovich; Jon Gearhart wrote the
honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees
group on Facebook at / ./ “Like”
the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /;
/ follow @StyleInvite
on Twitter.

**The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column
discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check out this week’s
at .

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .


(Cartoons by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

**In *Week 1338* we presented yet another
four bizarro renderings by Bob Staake and asked for captions. A
dismaying number of you dragged out the apt but so old “Loan Arranger”
joke for Picture A.

4th place:

*Picture B: *“Mama, that’s just their name. They don’t actually serve
panda.” /(Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick, Md.) / **

3rd place:

*Picture C: *“Trust me: You don’t want to be taken to our leader.”
/(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)/

2nd place and the patronizing "Girls' Guide to Grilling":

*Picture D: *“The plot was thin and the characters one-dimensional!”
/(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) /

And the winner of the Lose Cannon:

*Picture B: *"For crying out loud, Brittany — leave the mask on until I
get the senior discount!" /(Jean Sorensen, Herndon, Va.)/

Art blecho: Honorable mentions


“Well, howdy there, little lady. Who can I chat with about unsecured
nonconvertible debentures?” /(John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) /

“Just thought I’d mention that the third stall in the men’s room is now
out of toilet paper.” /(Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)/

“Smoky here doesn’t spark joy anymore, so I’d like to trade him in on an
F-150.” /(J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.) /

“All us old cowboys sit this way. It’s easier on our prostates.”/(Rick
Haynes, Ocean City, Md.) /

So ma’am, now that I just showed you where the other arrow went, would
you kindly tell the vet that this really is an emergency?!” /(Kerry
Humphrey, Arlington, Va.)/

“I have more of a brown-chip stock portfolio.”/(Frank Osen, Pasadena,

“I’d be honored to sign up, but I’ve got spurs on my feet.”/(Jesse
Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) /

“So I got you this gift, see, but I didn’t want you to look it in the
mouth . . . ” /(Jesse Frankovich) /

“You called for Tex Support?”/(Duncan Stevens)/

“Ma’am, these days the AAP recommends we stay rear-facing for as long as
we fit in the seat.” /(Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)/

As Sally had been quite emphatic on the point, Chet dutifully brought
her the horse he rode in on. /(Duncan Stevens)/


“Relax, Mom. Dad’s funeral doesn’t start for another 20 minutes.” /(Rob
Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) /

“Dammit, Mother, you’ve repeated that Clara Peller thing 2 million times
since 1984! Besides, this is Chipotle.” /(Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.) /

“Maybe I don’t FEEL like ordering a Happy Meal today, OKAY, MOTHER???”
/(Steve Honley, Washington)/

“Zurg, retract your antennae before someone notices we are undocumented
aliens!”/(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.; Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) /

Cohen, Potomac, Md.) /

“What do you mean we just stopped? It’s been almost a whole MILE since
my last Starbucks.” /(Bill Lieberman, Ellicott City, Md.) /

“They said, ‘We regret to tell you that we’re flat out of the Coquilles
St. Jacques.’ ”/(Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.; George Smith,
Frederick, Md.) /

“You wouldn’t get me a Frosty in 1982, you don’t get a Frosty now!”
/(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) /

Sartre defined hell as being confined with your mother-in-law in a car
with no doors/. (Mark Raffman) /


“My God, Carl! Gesundheit!” /(Jesse Frankovich) /

The first microwaveable salads were extremely disappointing. /(Frank Osen) /

“ I wonder if our Incredible Hulk will ever finish potty
training.”/(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) /

“Aw, someone left the cake out in the rain, and all the icing’s flowing
down! Well, never gonna make /that/ again.”/(Tom Witte, Montgomery
Village, Md.) /

“Huh, SpongeBob really /can’t/ survive on land.” /(Steve Fahey, Olney,
Md.) /

“There must be a better way to swat flies than the Jell-O Catapult.”
/(Duncan Stevens) /

“You say you bought this ice sculpture on Etsy?” /(Jean Sorensen) /

Turns out that green smoothies can’t quite replace three squares a
day./(Pete Morelewicz, Fredericksburg, Va.) /

At EPA, new appointees were surprised to find that warmer temperatures
do, indeed, cause ice to melt. /(Mark Raffman)/

Bill and Wilma can hardly believe it, yet they thaw it with their own
eyes. /(Danielle Nowlin) /


“Mommy, why is Governor Northam so angry at that yearbook?” /(Bill
Dorner, Indianapolis) /

Harold was going to make sure little Timmy became one of the 937 winners
of the 2029 Scripps National Spelling Bee if it was the last thing he
did. /(Danielle Nowlin) /

When CVS switched to hardcover bindings for its receipts, Bill had
finally had enough. /(John Hutchins; Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) /

“Here’s a cookbook, Barbara. Now can you please make something besides
broccoli?” snarled a fed-up George H.W. Bush in 1954, the last time he
visited a supermarket. /(Bob Kruger)/

Agent Ray Sistman flips out upon learning that asylum-seeking families
are legally allowed to bring their own cages./(Kevin Dopart, Washington)/

Danno’s retirement job as a Costco security guard didn’t last long when
he began booking people for no apparent reason./(John Kupiec, Fairfax,
Va.) /

“Here’s what you can do with ‘Anger Management for Dummies!’”/(Jesse
Frankovich) /

Eugene knew the book was defective — it leaked hyphens everywhere./(Sam
Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)/

Having failed repeatedly as a child, a bitter Charlie Brown now kicked
anything that wasn’t nailed down. /(Tommy Thompson, Richmond) /

*Still running — deadline Monday night, July 29: our contest for
portmanteau words. See *

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